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Monkey Butt Holdings: buying land in Thailand (part 3 of 3)

10/12/2022

2 Comments

 
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  • ...continuing my story about buying land in Thailand, and you can read part one and two to catch up...

  • My buddy nice enough to pick me up in his truck early in the morning to drive me to Rayong. We made the hour-plus drive to the land office in Rayong, where we would finalize the whole shebang – or so I hoped.

  • I anticipated we had appointment and would sit down with the sellers in an air-conditioned conference room, all civilized-like, sign some paperwork, and be out of there in time for a nice lunch by the beach.
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  • Instead, the land office looked like your average DMV times ten, minus the air conditioning. It was packed, with more people than seats, and others standing or spilled outside.    

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  • There were TV screens with numbers on them to tell us who was being served next, but the whole thing looked like a disorganized scramble to my uninformed foreigner eyes. But the vibe was cool, and no one was angry or rude (like at any DMV in the states).

  • In the end, our “quick morning appointment” turned into an all-day affair. I felt a spark of hope around 11:45 am when they called our number, but I was told it was just to collect our paperwork. 

  • And my poor friends had to wait all day! One buddy just visiting from Australia didn’t have a mask, so he was passed out on a bench outside or relegated to just walking around the town aimlessly the entire day.
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  • I was even losing confidence. It was fast-approaching 4:30pm – their closing time, and I was worried we’d have to come back on Monday morning to start the whole thing again. But finally, my Thai friends told me it was time to count out the cash with the seller. 
 
  • So, the French Scuba instructor, Big John, and me jumped into John’s truck to be cautious. I handed Along Came Polly the Tupperware, inviting him to count out the eight stacks with 100,000 Baht each. 
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  • I shit you not that he started counting one stack, lost track of what number he was on, pretended to finish, looked back at me and said, “You seem like a nice guy. I trust you.” That was the end of the counting.
 
“I’m not at all nice, but I am honest,” I replied, and he seemed to be satisfied with that and handed me the Tupperware back.
  • I shit you not that he started counting one stack, lost track of what number he was on, pretended to finish, looked back at me and said, “You seem like a nice guy. I trust you.” That was the end of the counting.
 
“I’m not at all nice, but I am honest,” I replied, and he seemed to be satisfied with that and handed me the Tupperware back.

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We went back inside, and the paperwork was soon ready to sign. There were a grand total of two and a half pages, mind boggling compared to the hundreds of pages in any real estate transaction and loan when you buy a place in the states! 
  • I didn’t have to sign anything (and didn’t understand a word of it anyways) because the property was in the company’s name and my friend’s wife was the director – not me. They just handed me the documents with an impressive looking land office seal, and Monkey Butt Holdings now officially owned the property.

  • As we exchanged pleasantries and got up to leave, I handed the Tupperware to SCUBA and his wife, almost as an afterthought. 

  • “That’s nice Tupperware,” my friend’s wife said. “Are you giving it to them?” 
 
“Of course,” I said. 
 
But that got the Thai wives jabbering and, in the end, there was a huge negotiation about the $2 Tupperware after a $30,000 land deal! 

  • We were all tired as hell on the drive home. I give a ton of credit and thanks to my friends for being troopers and sticking with me the whole time. I definitely would have bailed and been complaining the whole time if I was waiting for them!

  • As we exchanged pleasantries and got up to leave, I handed the Tupperware to SCUBA and his wife, almost as an afterthought. 

  • “That’s nice Tupperware,” my friend’s wife said. “Are you giving it to them?” 
 
“Of course,” I said. 
 
But that got the Thai wives jabbering and, in the end, there was a huge negotiation about the $2 Tupperware after a $30,000 land deal! 

  • We were all tired as hell on the drive home. I give a ton of credit and thanks to my friends for being troopers and sticking with me the whole time. I definitely would have bailed and been complaining the whole time if I was waiting for them!

  • ​The last step was just going to an attorney’s office closer to home, where we submitted the paperwork to make me the main Director of Monkey Butt Holdings. This time, the office had aircon and we did have an appointment.

  • It was funny to see that in Thailand, attorneys wear fancy business shoes to work but then slip into shower thongs inside the office all day! 
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  • The best part of the whole experience isn’t just that I now own land in Thailand, but that that they gave me a stamp with the Monkey Butt seal. I have free reign to go around stamping myself, my friends, their dogs, and random people’s foreheads.

  • But, seriously, it’s an interesting investment and one that will bear fruit one day, one way or another. I anticipate the value will appreciate far more than with a condo, and my only outflow to maintain the investment is paying the attorney a couple hundred bucks to file the Monkey Butt Holding financials once per year. 
 
  • Maybe one day I will build there, but most likely I’ll just semi-forget about it and sell ten or twenty years from now. In the meantime, I want to use the bare land to establish Monkey Butt Farms.
 
  • The best part of the whole experience isn’t just that I now own land in Thailand, but that that they gave me a stamp with the Monkey Butt seal. I have free reign to go around stamping myself, my friends, their dogs, and random people’s foreheads.
 
  • But, seriously, it’s an interesting investment and one that will bear fruit one day, one way or another. I anticipate the value will appreciate far more than with a condo, and my only outflow to maintain the investment is paying the attorney a couple hundred bucks to file the Monkey Butt Holding financials once per year. 
 
  • Maybe one day I will build there, but most likely I’ll just semi-forget about it and sell ten or twenty years from now. In the meantime, I want to use the bare land to establish Monkey Butt Farms.
 
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​ 
  • There’s a huge booming medical cannabis industry here so I considered growing, but that’s still too risky and opens you up to sticky-fingered neighbors and police soliciting bribes. No, the real money is in growing durian – the fruit that tastes like heaven and smells like hell. 
 
  • There are plenty of options and anytime you can buy a nice sized lot that close to the beach close enough for a day trip from the capital, you’re sitting pretty. And just having this experience, now I’m bitten by the real estate bug here. I’m considering buying another lot or maybe a condo or two. 
 
I even found a studio condo for sale for less than $40k, right on the beach and closer to where I’m staying in Jomtien. 
 
Hmmm…. time to buy some new Tupperware and start saving!

-Norm :-)
 
...
...
(Click to read part one and two.)
 
 
 
 
 
 


2 Comments

Monkey Butt Holdings: buying land in Thailand (part 2 of 3)

9/29/2022

1 Comment

 
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​I just closed on a piece of land here in Thailand, so I thought I’d jot down a few notes.
 
My friends in the real estate and mortgage biz in the US will get a kick out of this, so enjoy part 2 of 3 (and click here to read part 1).
 
***

  • I think the best part of this whole entire experience is that the Thai government let me name my corporation anything I wanted. 
 
Really? ANYTHING?
 
I settled on “Monkey Butt Holdings.” (T-shirts and swag coming soon.)

  • I kept waiting for someone to stop me, pulling me aside and saying, “No, no, you can’t do that with a business here,” or the adult in the room to chastise me, but alas, Monkey Butt soon became official.
 
  • Corporation formed (without having to look under bridges for homeless board members), the next step was to make an offer. The negotiation took place almost strictly between the two Thai wives, with all of us foreign dudes on the sidelines scratching our heads.
 
  • I offered to put a 20% deposit down…but they wanted more! 
 
  • Corporation formed (without having to look under bridges for homeless board members), the next step was to make an offer. The negotiation took place almost strictly between the two Thai wives, with all of us foreign dudes on the sidelines scratching our heads.
 
  • I offered to put a 20% deposit down…but they wanted more! ​

There are no rules or standard to that, but they just wanted some quick cash up front. They even asked for a bigger down payment, to which my buddy’s Thai wife got heated and threatened to call the whole deal off. So, the seller’s wife acquiesced, and we settled on 20% down.

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  • There are no title or escrow companies here! The deal was registered through a local authority who is sort of like a village chieftain. But it’s not a primitive setup at all, as real estate attorneys and official documents are involved. 
 
  • There’s no earnest money deposit with your original offer, you just hand over the whole deposit immediately once you agree on a price and then draw up a contract. 
 
That’s right, the sellers get to hold onto the deposit! If you back out of the deal for any reason, you better believe you lose that money.  

  • Financing isn’t available for foreigners through Thai banks. It may be possible, but you’d probably have to have a ton of money in a Thai bank, a business and plenty of 
collateral here, official residency, etc. 
 
The rates would be sky high and the payment window very small by our standards. Some foreigners may get So, I had to pay cash.
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  • Remember that when many foreigners buy property in Thailand, they want to pay cash. As I mentioned, Thailand (and especially the Pattaya area where I live) is a huge bank/laundry mat for foreigners who want a safe place to park/clean their money, often times they scoop up condos, buildings, or businesses as quickly as possible. 
 
Property here is particularly popular with Chinese buyers and often Russian, Indian, etc.
 
  • That’s especially true of new condos. I remember seeing a new condo development that was just in the presale stage. Driving by one morning, there were about 50 people in line, most of them holding duffel bags or designer bags. They were filled with cash! 
 
This group of people in line were mostly Chinese nationals who were holding bags of cash right there in the street to put down a deposit on a condo - or a few of them – sight unseen! They didn’t even need to go look at the units!
 
  • Where else in the world can you hold a bag of cash on the street and not worried about getting jacked?!

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  • I did open a Thai bank account just to hold the money I saved in the three months before we closed on the deal. To open the account, they wanted my lease agreement and I had to go down to the immigration office to get an official form stamped as well as very awkward headshot photos that have me looking like I’m in a hostage video. 

  • After my Thai company was formed and I had saved the needed funds, we could close on the property early. That meant taking out the money in cash and bringing it to the land office to hand to the sellers. 

  • I was planning on going to the bank on my mountain bike, fill up my backpack with the cash, and pedal home as fast as possible. But, my good friend, Big John, here offered to pick me up in his truck and run security.
 
  • John is 6’7” tall and served in the military all over the world in some really nasty shit, so he’s about the best person to have watching your back!

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  • At the bank, the teller handed me eight stacks with one hundred thousand Baht each without blinking, and John drove me on back home. We were scheduled at the land office early the next morning, so I was committed not to do something stupid in the next twelve hours that might jeopardize my life savings!
 
I could imagine just stepping out for “one beer” and stumbling back home around 5am sans money but with a brand new tattoo and wedding ring to show for it. 
  • I didn’t want to be the dude who fumbles the ball heading into the end zone, so I forced myself to stay home.
 
  • Once John dropped me off and I locked my door, I surveyed my apartment. Where should I hide the money? 
 
I needed a secure spot that wasn’t obvious like under my pillow, wouldn’t get thrown out, damaged in a plumbing leak, and could stand up to a fire in case the entire building lit into flames.

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  • I got it! I neatly placed the stacks of Thai Baht notes in a Tupperware container and placed it in my freezer. COLD hard cash, baby! 
 
  • Believe it or not, it wasn’t my first rodeo storing copious stacks of cash in a freezer. 
 
Back in the day when I was a humble house painter in Connecticut, scraping and clawing my way through 80 hours per week of manual labor, I could put away some good cash by the end of the season.
 
I was completely unaware about how the whole “adulting thing” worked. I thought that if you put cash in the bank, the IRS would automatically know about it, and you’d be screwed come tax time. 
 
So, I took $75,000 in assorted bills and wrapped them in foil and put them in my mom’s freezer for safekeeping.
 
She even used to joke that one night, she’d accidentally take one of the foil packets out and defrost it for dinner.
 
  • Fast forward about six months and I was ready to head west to Sacramento, California. I knew that it was not wise to be walking around with that much cash (nor could I fly with it), so one day after work, I took the foil packets out of the freezer and drive them down to the local bank branch.
 
  • I walked up to the teller, still wearing my dirty and splattered painting clothes, looking like I’d just crawled out of a dumpster, and told her I wanted to make a deposit. 
 
I then slid her five foil packs containing $75,000 in frosted cash!
 
  • The poor lady had no idea what to make of it. She called her manager over, who looked me up and down like I was actually robbing the bank, before finally just doing the transaction.

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  • Fast forward twenty-two years (my God!) and at least I put the cash in nice Tupperware this time, to make it presentable and avoid freezer burn. 
​
Click here to read part 3 of Monkey Butt Holdings: buying land in Thailand!

-Norm :-)
1 Comment

​Monkey Butt Holdings: buying land in Thailand (part 1 of 3)

9/24/2022

2 Comments

 
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I just closed on a piece of land here in Thailand and the process was way different than buying real estate in the US, so, I thought I’d jot down a few notes.

I have a ton of friends in real estate and mortgage in the US, so I know they’ll get a kick out of this. 
 
***
  • I’m currently living in Jomtien, Thailand and just bought a plot of land nearby.
 
  • My best friend here, Scott, is a US dude who retired in Thailand. He’s pretty experienced with the real estate market here, having bought and sold several properties and even built a home. 

  • Scott owns a nice piece of land in Rayong, a town along the coastline an hour or more from Bangkok. His land sits in the midst of jungle forests and a rubber tree farm, but still less than two kilometers from the beach.
 
  • There was a one-Rai lot for sale right next to him (by the way, they use “Rai” here to measure land, with one Rai being 1,600 square meters or just under .4 acres), so I grew interested. 
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  • The land is owned by a French guy who works as a SCUBA instructor (frightening scenes from that French SCUBA instructor in the movie Along Came Polly with Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn come to mind!) and his Thai wife. They bought the land a long time ago and now are subdivided and selling smaller lots. 

  • In a few years, my buddy Scott will start building his permanent home on his land, so I thought it would be cool to have the adjoining lot. In particular, I want us to build one giant pool, I’ll be able to play with his five dogs without having to do any cleanup or buy food, and I can show up at his front door around dinner time.

  • Financially, it also makes sense – the land is only 1,000,000 Baht. 
 
What?! A million!?
 
Relax, big hitter – that’s only $29,500 USD or so. 

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  • I’ve been working my ass off like 70 hours per week, 7 days per week for the past three years, so I had a little money sitting in the bank. With a US inflation rate north of 9%, I didn’t feel like seeing my cash lose a bunch of value every year, so I thought a (small) real estate investment would be wise. 
 
  • I’ve also been super interested in buying and investing in property abroad, and see people buying beautiful condos in Costa Rica, beachside bungalows in Nicaragua, posh flats in Medellin, Colombia, etc., and thought it was my time. (I almost bought a piece of land in Nicaragua this past spring for a great price but I snoozed on it too long. But I will look there again!)
 
  • So, how does a real estate purchase work here in Thailand?

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  • Technically, foreigners aren’t even allowed to own land. If you’re not Thai, you can “buy air, not earth” freehold, which means it’s super easy to buy condos. 

  • And so many foreigners do buy condos here. In fact, the area where I’m at is like a big bank where people from all over the world come to dump their money into Thai real estate, knowing that it’s stable, safe, and will never go down in value. 
 
  • Thailand’s real estate is the easiest and safest avenue for people who don’t trust their banking system, government, economy, the strength of their currency, are running from tax collectors, or want to launder illicit money (a huge thing here!).
  
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But I digress. 

So, you can buy condos all day long and own it free and clear, but buying land or property (like a house) is not accessible to foreigners…UNLESS they go through a convoluted and super risky process. 

  • You have to first form a corporation which will hold ownership of the land. The corporation has 5 people on the Board of Directors and at least 3 need to be Thai. 
 
  • But the real power of the corporation lies with the Director, who makes any important financial decisions. When you first form the corporation and buy the land under its umbrella, the Director has to be Thai. 
 
  • That’s the risky part. You’re giving 100% control to a Thai person (as it would be risky with any person, but ripping off foreigners is an artform here), who could literally just take your land and there’s nothing you could do about it. 
 
That actually happens all the time here as foreign dudes buy land, houses, or businesses and put them in their girlfriend’s name. BIG mistake, and the dude often finds himself ass-out with no recourse.

  • Thankfully, my best friend here is married to a Thai woman who is rock solid, and I trust her completely. (Let me say as many nice things about her as I can here!) 
 
So, she’s the temporary Director until after the deal closes. Then, after a week or whatever, the corporate charter can be legally changed and I will be the Director.

  • To fill out the company’s board we found two “dummy” members– a couple of Thai people who will put their names on the corporation for a few bucks but have no involvement or even knowledge.

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  • The Philippines has a similar corporate and real estate setup where you need to trust a local person as the swing vote on the board of directors, but there you can’t install yourself as Director eventually.  

  • So, I’ve heard of seasoned expats in the Philippines actually finding some random homeless dude under a bridge and giving them a few bucks to be on the board. They know the guy (or gal) will never have the knowledge or means to ever look up the company, find the land and the owner, hire an attorney, etc.

  • However, I opted against this “random homeless guy under a bridge” method of real estate acquisition, as charming as it sounds.
***

-Norm :-)

P.S. Click here to read part 2!


2 Comments

Historic photos of Tamarindo, Costa Rica

8/28/2021

3 Comments

 
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"So much of our future lies in preserving our past."
-Peter Westbrook

I'm a huge geek for culture. To me, that's the vital essence of a place  - the well-mixed stew of its people; its customs; its workaday street language; its food and architecture and music; and definitely, its history.

​Therefore, having lived in Tamarindo, Costa Rica at two separate stints in my life ten years apart, I was shocked at how little has been documented and preserved from days past. 

All-to-soon, the only Tamarindo history left will be the mumbled barroom stories of a few salty dog expats or rocking chair recollections from Tico elders (sadly, who don't even live in Tamarindo anymore).  And once they are gone, Tamarindo's cultural heritage will be reduced to pure vida t-shirts and  Instagram photos. 

That would really be a shame, so I endeavored to collect as many old photos of Tamarindo as I could find and share them here.

Of course, the terms "old" or "historic" are relative in Tama, especially with photographic documentation. Even snapshots from the 1990s are increasingly rare.

However, I do feel this is a good start. 

Have fun looking through these photos and please drop me a line if you have any of your own or recognize the people, place, and timeline of the photos I've shared here. 

Your friend,

-Norm. :-)


Here are a bunch of photos I collected from the web and various people on Facebook but I don't have information about the year or exact subject matter. 

But it is pretty fun to look through and guess!

If you have any information on these photos, just email me and I'll add it! 

These are from a collection of my own photos when I lived in Tamarindo in 2010 and 2011. 

I'm sure a lot of you older-timers will recognize the places and even people, so hit me up if you have any comments or feedback! 

I hope you enjoyed this trip to Tamarindo of yesteryear as much as I have.

​If you have any old photos, videos, or even documents that shine a light on Tamarindo's history, please share them with me here. I'll post them with your permission and give you full credit.

Thanks and pura vida!

-Norm. :-)
3 Comments

Introducing the 'Who in The World Podcast'

12/21/2020

11 Comments

 
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I'm excited to share a new project with you, a podcast series I’m starting called “Who in the World w/ Norm Schriever.”

Of course, the whole angle is WHO in the world, not WHERE in the world.

That’s because I’m going to chat with the interesting, remarkable, and, sometimes, downright-crazy people I’ve met from my travels and time living abroad. 

I’ve spent a good part of my adult life traveling, and the last decade living in places like Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Thailand, and the Philippines. During that time, I’ve run into some of the most amazing people you can imagine. Some of them have become my dearest friends, while others I just shared a few hours or days, or a few beers, with.

This podcast is a forum for me to document their stories, offering a rare, honest glimpse into their lives.

(Check out my very amateurish video intro for the podcast below.)
The format for this podcast will be simple and old-school: just two people and a microphone, preferably over a stiff drink in some end-of-the-world bar (but most likely via a phone call or computer chat these days). It will be audio-only, not a video interview, and I’ll change names or give them nicknames when requested. That way, they can truly open up without censoring themselves. 

It won’t be reserved for people from any country, walk of life, or even language, and some of the podcasts may only run 15 minutes while others will go an hour or longer. 

I’ve wanted to start a personal travel podcast for a long time now. But the more I see (and the more gray in my beard), I realize that what gives life purpose is not just seeing nice beaches or visiting cool places. Those are great, but I want my legacy to be about something more positive and even noble.

Instead, it’s about people. I’ve always been fascinated by the profound differences between people around the world, but also how we’re mostly the same when you really break it down. I guess that’s my personal definition of culture – and God is always in the details when you’re talking about regular people with extraordinary lives. 

I’m still rounding out the list of guests I’d like to invite to be on Who in the World, but so far, we have:

•    A karate world champion and 100-man kumite finisher,
•    A Cambodian genocide survivor,
•    A Caribbean rasta,
•    A Californian mental health and addiction counselor,
•    A Canadian globetrotting surfer,
•    An America who was locked in a Third World jail,
•    A friend who went from Nicaraguan street brawler to successful businessman,
•    A proper Britt who ended up moving to Texas, 
•    An immigration attorney and civil rights advocate,
•    A Hollywood actor who’s an old friend,
•    A sneaker head/shoe designer,
•    and a whole lot more. 

To be clear, this isn’t “big game hunting” for guests just because they’re famous or have any sort of celebrity. Quite the contrary, I want to rap with the simple folks from the four corners of the earth, most of which who’ve never sat in front of a microphone, but all with epic stories to tell.

And I’d also really value your input, since this is all basically a way to introduce all of you to the people I’ve met. 

Who would you like to hear from that I should interview?
Is there any particular background or country you’d like me to highlight?
How about any specific questions I should ask?
What would you like to know about their daily lives or experiences?

Additionally, if there is someone you know who has an amazing story to tell, feel free to introduce us!

I’m excited for you to be a part of the Who in the World podcast, so thanks for your feedback and support!

And look for the first episode of “Who in the World” in January of 2021 on all of the big podcast platforms, YouTube, and this website!

Your friend,
​
Norm  :-) 
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11 Comments

Getting to know Tamarindo, Costa Rica

11/24/2020

7 Comments

 
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Well, this is awkward.
 
Last month I sent you a long, detailed postcard about why I was moving to Las Vegas, Nevada to wait-out the winter/spring of Covid. 
 
Yeah, that didn’t happen.
 
Instead, I chose to relocate down to Tamarindo, Costa Rica. It’s actually a familiar locale, as I lived here from 2011 to 2012 in the land of surf, sun, and pura vida. ​
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I even wrote a book about the experience, South of Normal.
 
And when Costa Rica opened up to all U.S. tourists on November 1st, I thought it was the healthiest and best place for me, mind, body, and soul.
 
I’m sure I’ll write about my new/old home, Tamarindo, a lot in the next few months, but here are 20 quick observations to get us started. After all, things move slowly in Tamarindo, and there's no need to rush or stress.
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1. Tamarindo is actually named for a tree and the orange-like fruit here in Costa Rica. Tamarindo trees are found all over the Guanacaste province and look like the wide, leafy arbors with high canopies that you'll see in African landscapes. The pod's contents can be mashed to make an edible pulp and juice, which is perfect on a hot day on the beach. 

2. Tamarindo sits on the pacific northwestern coast of Costa Rica, in the province of Guanacaste and the Santa Cruz canton (the closest small city.) But I prefer to pinpoint Tamarindo just by its map coordinates of latitude: N 10° 18' 0.43" and longitude: E 85° 50' 24.47". 
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Come to think of it, that would make a cool tattoo!
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3. “Tama," as it's sometimes affectionally called, may be world-renowned, but it's a small village, or pueblo, that spends maybe a couple of miles by a mile at most. The last census accounted for only 6,000+ residents, and I've heard there are still only about 10,000 now. 

4. There are a good number of high-end condos and modern developments but they've also carefully curbed zoning, so it doesn't get too commercialized or the ocean view blocked out (with the exception of one monstrosity of a condo complex in the center of town that I have no idea how it was approved). 

​5. In Tamarindo, there are only two main roads through town and about half of them are unpaved. You won’t even find street names or street signs, but people give directions like, “200 meters north from the hotel Botella de Leche” or something like that. 
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6. You’ll also see more bicycles, motorbikes, ATVs (many with surfboard racks!), and the rare horse on Tamarindo’s roads than you will cars!

7. The big draw to Tamarindo is the beach, of course, a 1.5 mile stretch of clean, near-white sand that’s level and sufficiently wide. Life in Tama revolves around the scenic beach, as just about everyone comes out in the early morning to walk their dogs, surf, exercise, or sit and enjoy coffee and brekkie. Surfers and sunbathers do their thing all day, and the beach becomes a social gathering point once again at sunset.

​8. Thanks to its close proximity to the equator, every day has about 12 hours of sunlight, with little seasonal changes (except for rain, of course). Likewise, the water temperature in the Pacific Ocean at Playa Tamarindo ranges between 77-86°F all year, which is never too chilly that you need a wet suit, even if you're in the water for hours.
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9. Speaking of surfing, Tamarindo was put on the map by Robert August and Michael Hynson in the 1960s and 1970s with their iconic Endless Summer II surf film. Tamarindo took off as an international must-surf destination, and August became a legend. He still lives in Tamarindo, and you can see him strolling on the beach from time to time.

10. Costa Rica is known for its natural beauty, flora, and fauna. In fact, the Central American Nation contains only 0.4% of the world's landmass but holds 5% of its total biodiversity. And Tamarindo is no exception, with plenty of monkeys, sloths, lizards, Leatherback turtles, and a stunning array of bird and fish species. 

​11. You might even be able to catch sight of a whale off the coast of Tamarindo, and there are a few sharks from time to time. (But you’re more scared of them than they are of you.) If that makes you a little hesitant to swim or surf, rest assured that the plentiful crocodiles will probably getcha long before a shark will!
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12. You don't find winter, fall, spring, and summer in Tamarindo (or Costa Rica). But you will find a hot and dry season from December to May, and the rainy or green season that culminates in a soaked October. 
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13. While Guanacaste (where Tamarindo is located) is less humid than other jungle or coastal areas, the rainy season is NO JOKE! I write a lot about it in South of Normal, but life is completely different for the residents, Ticos (the name for Costa Ricans), and crazy people who stay during the wet months. 

14. The other thing you’ll find in Tamarindo is that prices spike during the high season from December through April (Easter). You might be able to rent an apartment for $1,000 per month during the slow season, but then they want $1,000 PER WEEK during the high season! It’s bonkers and leads to a lot of scrambling to keep rent reasonable for long-term residents.
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15. This time around, I splurged for a condominium in Playa Langosta, a quiet residential neighborhood on a jungle peninsula adjacent to Tamarindo. There’s only one road in and out, and secluded strips of sand in between rocky crags, a few high-end resorts, and trees growing out of the beach. 

16. There are only a few small restaurants in Langosta and one small grocery store. My condo complex, Peninsula, is way too nice by my humble traveler standards haha, and I'm thoroughly enjoying the two swimming pools and view of the jungle from my balcony.

17. And there's even good Wi-Fi, something that's the bane of my existence because it's hard to find in tropical beach towns around the world. 
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18. Although Tamarindo may be a little tropical hamlet, the food scene is vibrant, cosmopolitan, and international. There are plenty of pizza and Italian restaurants with purveyors and chefs straight from Italy, an Argentinian steak house, Caribbean joints, local fresh seafood, Japanese sushi and Asian fusion, and even Middle Eastern and Indian fare. There are also countless boutique hotels, food trucks, and cafes with creative chefs and plenty of vegan or healthy options like acai bowls and fresh fruit smoothies.  

19. Oh, and if you’re a coffee fanatic, Costa Rican java is some of the best in the world!  

20. Costa Rica has plenty of unique customs, like their national saying, pura vida (pure life). Well, Tamarindo has its own micro-culture as well, a blend of surfer, Rasta, skateboarder, hippie, yoga-d out, chillaxed beach vibe. In Tamarindo, shoes are never required, wearing a t-shirt with sleeves is dressing formally, and “manana” means why do it today when it can be put off until tomorrow!?  
​
***
I'll share a lot more about Tamarindo in coming months, but I'll leave you with this: after an incredibley stressful eight months in the U.S., it feels like I can finally breathe again down here by the beach in Tamarindo! 

Your friend,
Norm  :-)
7 Comments

Leaving (for) Las Vegas

10/20/2020

16 Comments

 
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In the 1995 film Leaving Las Vegas, Nicholas Cage played a successful writer whose life had fallen off the rails due to severe alcoholism. So, he moves to Las Vegas to drink himself to death before finding semi-salvation in his relationship with streetwalker Elizabeth Shue. It’s actually a damn good movie, and probably the best acting job of Cage’s career before he became entrenched as a B-Lister. 
 
Well, I’m following suit and leaving for Las Vegas soon, but for very different reasons.
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​Ironically, I'm headed to Sin City as somewhat of a safe harbor, a place to lay low through the winter and into the spring until I can travel back "home" to the Philippines to be reunited with my girlfriend, Joy, and dog, Pupperoni. 
 
I've been back in my home state of Connecticut since March 22nd, when I arrived on an evacuation flight out of the Philippines. Little did I know that when I landed in New York City, I was touching down in the worst place in the world for Covid-19 at the time. Nor did I realize that the U.S. would be a complete shit show (technical term) when it comes to dealing with the pandemic. 
 
Still, I was committed to keeping my Nikes on U.S. soil all spring and summer for two reasons: 
 
1. My passport needed to be renewed. (I JUST got it!)
2. ​The Philippines won’t let me back in yet, as they still aren’t issuing tourist visas. 


So, all spring and summer I was super comfortable, super well-fed, and super bored out of my mind in Connecticut. Thank god I had more work than ever before – a true blessing in this economy (or, more accurately, the economy soon to come). My only recreation was hitting a heavy punching bag and watching Netflix series, an epic waste of time – but serving a critical purpose during any pandemic.

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However, as summer turned to fall, it’s rapidly getting cold, wet, and raw outside. Soon, dining or even exercising outside will be impossible. When that happens, and everyone is shuttered indoors from late October to April or so, I’m not so optimistic what the Covid situation will look like in Connecticut, or any cold-weather climate.
 
I would go b-a-n-a-n-a-s if I was stuck indoors in Connecticut all winter and spring, so it was time to get the hell out for a warmer locale.
 
Which leads us to…Las Vegas.
 
Ticket booked on Jet Blue, I fly out of New York’s JFK Airport on November 2nd, arriving in Las Vegas 5 hours later. I’ll be setting up shop in Las Vegas for the winter until I can gain entry back into the Philippines.
 
Why the hell was Las Vegas on the top of my Covid-19 Winter List, you may be wondering? 


First off, I need someplace warm, so I can exercise outdoors all winter, as well as sit outside to drink coffee and work (or drink beer and pretend to work). And there’s no way in hell I’m hanging out in a café or restaurant indoors.

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I have good friends in Florida who encouraged me to come down, but that state is like a "house on fire" when it comes to Covid, and also, the Miami area ain't the cheapest.

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My first thought was to roll out to Sacramento, CA – my adopted hometown for almost a decade, and I have mad love for the 916. But winters in Sactown are often rainy and relatively chilly, and it’s difficult or damn expensive to find short-term housing in the midtown area where I could walk or bike everywhere. 
 
Furthermore, I know A LOT of people in Sacramento. That would be a huge draw in normal times, but during 2020 when I aim to keep my bubble small, I’d be way too tempted to get together with scores of old friends, putting me at risk. 
 
Southern California was another option, but that’s even more expensive, you need a car to get around, and I’m not too familiar.
 
My sister has a rental property near the beach in South Carolina which would be chill…but it’s rented…and in South Carolina.
 
So, the next location on my list was Las Vegas. It actually came to me because a real estate client just hired me to write up a Moving to Las Vegas Guide, and it made me recall the few times I visited ‘Vegas.

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​The more it grew on me, the more it became apparent that Vegas checks a few boxes for me: 
 
  • It’s warm (enough) during the winter, with a dry desert climate in the 50s or 60s or higher. 
  • Las Vegas has an endless supply of restaurants that will deliver or where I can sit outside safely, a convenient airport, plenty of inexpensive accommodation, good healthcare facilities, and all of the conveniences you can hope for in a small city.
  • Once you get off the Strip, it’s actually a pretty chill place, and there are myriad nice parks, mountains adjacent to the Las Vegas Valley for hiking, mountain biking, etc. 
  • I actually have one good friend in Las Vegas, a dude named Tim who's a U.S. Army vet that I befriended in Cambodia years ago. Tim and his Khmer (Cambodian) wife and their child live in Henderson, Nevada. I visited them a few years ago, and not only did the trip confirm that he’s a really solid human being with his head on straight, but I got a taste of the real Las Vegas – away from the tourists and the Strip.​

​Tim already found me a decent suite at a resort that comes furnished, with a kitchen, and rents by the week, not far by the base of mountainous Red Rock Park.

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​So, my plan is to touch down on November 2nd (I don’t think too many people will be flying to Las Vegas early Monday morning the day before the election), lay low and self-quarantine for 10 to 12 days or whatever is suggested, and then start exploring on my mountain bike. ​

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I have absolutely no idea what to expect. My efforts Googling nearby restaurants, parks, and coffee shops have turned up a gun shop, a Church of Latter-Day Saints, and the Evil Knievel Museum within walking distance, so it must be a fine neighborhood.

​But I’m not really looking for something fancy or too exciting – just a better place to ride out the literal and public health storm than Connecticut. And I won't be tempted to go walk the Strip or frequent bars or casinos at all since I pretty much avoid that scene even in the best of times.

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I’ve actually been to Las Vegas three times in my life. The first time I visited Las Vegas was in 2004 or something like that, and I was so depressed after a break-up (I don’t even remember who it was now!) that I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol the whole time – I just ate ice cream and people watched.
 
I went back in 2007, but this time it was for the NBA's All-Star weekend. My good California/Filipino buddy, Gale Flores worked for the NBA every All-Star game, so he had a room that was paid for and even scored us two free lower level tickets to the game.
 
I still didn't do much except eat ice cream (do I have a problem?!) and people watch most of the weekend, except the All-Star festivities were a trip to witness. We had access to a few of the league's parties and events and got to meet a lot of players, NBA alumni, and other cool folks.
 
As an aside, watching the best of the best NBA players up close and personal, there were three players that stood out to me:

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​Dwight Howard is an absolute beast. I mean, an unreal physical specimen who was carved out or a block of granite with shoulders easily twice as wide as the other NBA centers.
 
Shawn Marion was a freak of nature when it came to jumping. He was like a pogo stick, springing off the floor twice in the time it took other All-Stars to jump once. No wonder why they called him the Matrix!
 
And Kobe Bryant stood out as the most competitive SOB on the planet, a real meat eater. He went 100% hard every second of every play. You could see it in his eyes – he was trying to dunk on his opponent each time he had the ball. Respect!
 
Oh, and that young buck Lebron James wasn’t too bad, either. In fact, seeing him live led me to say that Lebron James looks like Magic Johnson and Karl Malone had a baby.
 
Anyways, the NBA was seriously considering granting Las Vegas an expansion team and the All-Star weekend was sort of like a soft opening. 
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​But the weekend turned out to be a nightmare of disorganization, with endless fights and even shootings, thousands of visitors with no place to stay, drunks spitting on waitresses, pedestrians turned into hood ornaments, and general low-brow chaos. Quickly, the league reversed course and pulled the plug on that NBA experiment.

I’m guessing my stint in Sin City this time will last longer than the National Basketball Association’s, but that’s my whole deal with Las Vegas: give me a park to work out in, a resort with good Wi-Fi and a pool, some foothills I can hike and mountain bike in, and a good sushi spot that delivers and I’ll be content.
 
Maybe my time in Las Vegas will only last sixty days, or maybe it will be six months until I can gleefully book my flight back to the Philippines. But either way, I’m making a big bet that I find peace and relative happiness in the most hedonistic city in America. 
 
And I certainly hope it ends better for me than it did for Nicholas Cage.
 
-Norm  :-)
 
PS If you’re coming through Vegas in 2020, look me up. Or don’t look me up. I’m not sure.  



16 Comments

The Tao of Giving

9/21/2020

3 Comments

 
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“Nothing brings me more happiness than trying to help the most vulnerable people in society. It is a good and essential part of my life, a kind of destiny.”
-Diana, Princess of Wales
July 1, 1961 – August 31, 1997
 

Can giving to others enrich our lives, keep us healthy, AND help the world? 

Things are not easy right now for many people, and it’s starting to dawn on us that it may be this way for a while.
 
And even if we’re not personally dealing with the loss of a loved one, financial difficulties, or food insecurity, the echoes of suffering in our world still reverberate within us since we are fundamentally good-hearted, empathetic human beings.
 
In fact, rates of anxiety and depression have reached unprecedented levels in the U.S. and across the world, up threefold since just the start of the year, before the pandemic. In a recent KFF tracking poll, 53% of U.S. respondents reported being increasingly anxious or depressed – and that was just in July. 
 
Likewise, the levels of substance abuse, suicide, and other health conditions due to the mental health crisis may eventually cause more long-term damage than the Coronavirus itself. 
 
So, whether it’s exercise, pursuing old hobbies or rekindling new passions, or endless Zoom chats with friends and family, we’re all struggling to stay mentally healthy and add some joy and light to our lives. 
 
(Note: online shopping may or may not be a positive coping mechanism, but it sure works great for me!)
 
But there’s another method of boosting our happiness and enriching our lives these days: giving.
 
Even before the pandemic, we were giving back, donating, and volunteering more than ever. In 2019, charitable giving reached $449.64 billion in the U.S., which was an increase of more than 5% since the previous year, 2018. 
 
And while corporations and foundations made up a significant portion of that total number, it was actually individual, hard-working Americans who gave the most. In fact, giving from individuals reached $309.66 billion in 2019 or 69% of total charitable gifts and donations.
 
And that just covers monetary donations or financial support. But remember that we’re seeing a whole host of ways people can give of themselves and help others: we’re offering our time, voices, focus, energy, and skills like never before. 
 
If there are any rays of hope during these times, it’s the small stories emerging the reconfirm our humanity:

  • Giving a call to talk or going grocery shopping for a lonely senior who lives alone.
  • Mentoring someone young, offering to teach them new skills online.
  • Mowing the yard and taking out the trash cans for our neighbors.
  • Using social media to raise awareness for different causes and charities in need.
  • Children with lemonade stands to collect money not for themselves, but to give to their people in their communities.
  • Supporting teachers, healthcare workers, and other front-liners who take risks every day to keep us all safe.
 
Of course, we know it feels good when we do something nice for someone else, even if it’s in a “warm and fuzzy” theoretical sense.
 
But it turns out there are some significant and proven benefits when we donate to charity, help someone in need, or just volunteer. 
 
According to numerous credible studies, the tangible benefits of giving include increases in:

  1. Feelings of connection and engagement
  2. Affirmation of our value to others
  3. Levels of life satisfaction
  4. Lasting improvements in overall happiness
  5. Reduced mortality rates
  6. Longevity rates
  7. Levels of learning and mental awareness
  8. Feelings of daily gratitude
  9. Prosocial behaviors
  10. Empathy
 
The physiology of charity

When we look at that list, I can't help but notice these benefits are some of the same offered by anti-depressant medications, exercise, or even being in a loving relationship.
 
That’s no coincidence, as scientists have mapped a neural connection in the part of the brain that registers reward processing, like when we eat our favorite food, win a sporting match, or even hit the lottery.
 
In a research study conducted by the National Academy of Sciences, scientists tracked the brain images of participants, paying close attention to how their brain activity changed as a response to altruism.
They found that our brain activity is stimulated in two profound ways when we get in a philanthropic mood and give to others.
 
One is in the mesolimbic pathway, the area that dispenses "feel good" hormones and chemicals like dopamine. The second area of our brain that is stimulated by charitable giving is the subgenual region, which helps us form social attachments.
 
Why do people give?

Now that we understand the physiological basis for why we feel great when we help our fellow woman or man, let's look at the common motivations for doing so. And beware – it's not always just out of the goodness of our heart, but has a more primal or utilitarian basis.
 
One of the best studies into the topic comes from a Professor William Harbaugh at the University of Oregon, who isolated three theories as to why people give to charity or good causes:

1. People give to be altruistic, focusing on making a positive impact or solving a problem, like volunteering at a soup kitchen to help feed the hungry.  

2. The next theory may call into question our motivations, as Harbaugh claimed that some people enjoy the feeling of making “autonomous decisions” about who to help, when, and to what degree, experiencing pleasure from that control or even feelings of power.  

3. Thirdly, people also give to charities because it enhances their social value or boosts their social status. We see evidence of this when we donate to a cause and then share that fact on social media, feeling the reward two-fold.  

Who gives the most?

We mentioned that individuals gave almost $7 out of every $10 in 2019, but who among us gives the most? A study by the University of Notre Dame conducted a study and found these characteristics and demographics of the biggest givers:

  • Higher levels of education
  • More religious or faith-based
  • Homeowners
  • Married
  • Live in smaller towns – not big cities
  • The study also found that people are also far more likely to donate to charitable causes when they understand and can relate to the cause or organization they’re supporting.
 
Additionally, studies show that women tend to increase donations when they are single, the head of the household, or when they earn higher incomes.
 
When it comes to income distribution, you may be surprised to hear that lower-income brackets give a larger proportion of their assets than middle or upper-class households! 
 
The joy of giving never diminishes
​

No matter who you are, how you choose to help others, or what your motivation, there is some more good news about the psychology of altruism: it doesn’t diminish.
 
In fact, the pleasure center in our brain typically releases fewer feel-good hormones and chemicals as a good thing becomes routine. Such is the case when we stockpile nice material things, chase superficial goals, or do things simply because society tells us it should make us happy.
 
So, if we purchase that expensive sports car, win at the casino, or eat delicious food, the level of pleasure we receive diminishes as time goes on – and pretty rapidly, research shows. 
 
However, when donating to charity, volunteering, or giving to help others in some form, the opposite is true. The pleasurable effect and mental health benefits actually do not diminish, but maintain and even grow over time. 
 
I guess it’s true when they say the more love you give, the more you get back!  

***
Norm  :-)

PS This piece was originally written for my friend and mentor, Kelly Resendez and reposted with permission. You can follow Kelly at Big Voices Rise!
3 Comments

Inside Yale University's Beinecke Rare Book Library

8/23/2020

6 Comments

 
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​This month, I wanted to bring you inside one of my favorite places on earth - and it's right outside my home town. We'll take a tour of The Beinecke Rare Book & Manuscript Library – quite a mouthful, but once you see it, the name will become an afterthought. 
 
Located in New Haven, Connecticut – the home of venerable and prestigious Yale University - ‘Beinecke is essentially where the Yale library system houses all of the good stuff. It’s also one of the largest libraries or buildings in the entire world dedicated to rare books, manuscripts, and historical documents.
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In fact, the Beinecke Library houses more than one million books. But that’s just the beginning, as their collection also includes millions of pages of manuscripts, tens of thousands of papyri (scrolls), and countless photos, maps, drawings, paintings, other art and artifacts, and even digital and audio-visual content. 
 
It also hosts endless seminars, conferences, research projects, and visiting exhibits, including from modern and living authors.
 
The featured piece in Beinecke’s collection is The Gutenberg Bible, which was the first book ever created using movable type back in the 1450s (they actually have two in their collection). Only 48 of these bibles still exist, and they’re considered the most valuable books on earth. 
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But its books and contents aside, the attraction of the Beinecke Library is the building itself, which is as unique and breathtaking as anything you’ll see in the world.  


Built in 1963, the building rises six stories from a stone-lined sunken courtyard that's typical for Yale University. But the structure is anything but typical, a rectangular white box that sits on inverted triangular "pylons." Those pylons only stand a few feet from the ground to the base of the library's structure, but they extend down a full 50 feet ​beneath the earth, all the way down to bedrock.

​Within the rectangular metal structure sits a honeycomb-like frame, with 15 individual frames running lengthwise, five vertically, and ten deep. The layout of these “cells” follows the Golden Ratio, which is prevalent in mathematics as well as the layout of early books: 3:1:2.
 
Within each of those frames is a piece of white translucent marble. ​

There are no windows and only one front entrance, the structure completely uniform and without variation otherwise. The veined marble façade is actually made of special marble and granite from a quarry in Danby Vermont. Although each piece is massive, they’re milled to a thickness of only 1.25 inches, allowing sunlight to filter through so they’re translucent when you’re standing inside. ​

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​Depending on the time of day and how sunny it is, you'll see an endless array of colors and subtle patterns on each piece of marble, essentially glowing with natural light even though it's windowless.
 
Due to its aesthetics as much as its contents, the Beinecke Rare Book Library has been called a “jewel box” and “laboratory for the humanities.”
 
Inside the library, the visual is no less jaw-dropping, dominated by a massive central tower that runs the whole six stories from floor to ceiling, with glass walls encased in stark black metal frames.
 
This library-within-a-library safeguards 180,000 of the rarest and most precious volumes in the world.
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​Aside from two Gutenberg Bibles, the Beinecke Library collection also includes original works by:
Charles Dickens
Faust
Benjamin Franklin
Goethe
Thomas Hardy
Langston Hughes
Incunabula (collection of first printed books from 15th century) 
James Joyce
Rudyard Kipling
D. H. Lawrence
Sinclair Lewis
Thomas Mann
Eugene O'Neill, Jr.
the Papyrus Collection
Ezra Pound Papers
The Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas Collection
Robert Louis Stevenson
Vanderbilt Collection
The Thornton Wilder papers
and far more that aren’t recognizable to the average person who’s not a super nerdy Indian Jones-type.
The glass-encased central tower is perfectly climate controlled with the temperature/humidity etc. to preserve these ancient manuscripts.
 
Of course, if you’re the caretaker of a rare library, preventing fires is a special concern, but you definitely can’t just turn on the sprinklers. So, in the event of a blaze, that glass-enclosed central tower can also be flooded with a mixture of Halon 1301 and Inergen fire suppressant gas, squelching any fuel the fire needs to burn. 
 
At first, the central stack was flooded with a carbon dioxide mixture if the fire alarm went off, but they changed that with the realization that any unfortunate librarians working in that area would be instantly asphyxiated. ​
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But fires aren’t the only threat. In 1977, an infestation of death watch beetles was discovered within the library, so they developed a unique method of controlling the pests before they are their way through invaluable tomes. In case of any insect outbreak, the library’s caretakers can actually freeze the books and other documents at −33 °F (−36 °C) for three days, a method that’s now been adopted for libraries with special collections around the world. 
 
Fires and pests accounted for; nefarious human intentions are sometimes harder to police. In 2005, a well-known antique dealer named Edward Forbes Smiley III was caught cutting maps from rare volumes with an X-acto knife! Since the library welcomes tens of thousands of scholars and special guests from academia every year, Smiley almost got away with cutting out these maps while in the reading room, which he intended to hide, smuggle out of the library, and sell on the black market. 

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Thankfully, Smiley’s plot was foiled when he dropped the X-acto knife on his way out, and he was arrested and thrown in prison for several years. Of course, security was ramped up after the incident, and you can’t bring any objects, bags, or cell phones into the library. 
(Do I need to mention that you can't simply check out the first bible ever printed and just pay late fees if you don't return it?!)
 
While you think we may have all bases covered, remember that the library was built in the 1960s, the height of the Cold War and atomic age. At the time, there were real concerns about what would happen to humanity's most treasured books in case of a Soviet nuclear attack. So, the myth is that in the event of a nuclear bomb hitting nearby New York City, for instance, the whole central stack could be mechanically lowered into the ground and then sealed up, serving as a bomb shelter for the books.
 
However, that myth has since been dispelled. In reality, there are two levels of basement floors under the library that extend out under the Hewitt Quadrangle, containing secured reading and research rooms, offices, and storage areas. Further down, there's also an underground stream, so it seems impossible that the central tower lowers into the ground in the event of a nuclear attack!
 
So, you might be wondering where the name ‘Beinecke’ comes from? The library was a gift from three members of the Beinecke family who were Yale alumni, endowing the university and building to serve as “a source of learning and an inspiration to all who enter.”
 
I’d say they definitely succeeded, and I try to visit the Beinecke Library for inspiration every time I’m back visiting my hometown of Hamden, Ct, which is only a couple of miles away from Yale.
 
If you’re ever in the area, give it a visit! 
(And say ‘what’s up’ if I happen to be around, too!)
 
-Norm :-)

Watch this short video about the Beinecke Library or check out their website here.
6 Comments

Geeking out on Passports

7/14/2020

8 Comments

 
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​I’m trying to get back to the Philippines, but the universe really isn't cooperating.  
 
I’ve lived in the Southeast Asian nation of 7,500 islands for the last four years and was thoroughly settled in when the whole Coronavirus pandemic went from a back-page news story to overtaking our world.
(I took a domestic flight within the Philippines in February and when I took off, I was one of only three people on the plane wearing masks and got strange looks. But when I flew back five days later, about half of the passengers were wearing masks. That's how fast it happened.)

Unable to travel to my girlfriend because of strict lockdown measures that went into place literally overnight, I was bunkered down in an old hotel as society started breaking down around me.  
My daily To-Do list included items like "Get water" and searching for a working ATM, since the banks, stores, and hotels were closing in large numbers every day.  I would take out as much cash as possible early every morning, full well expecting to get jumped or robbed, before running straight home.
 
It was time to get the hell out!
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With an incredible amount of luck and the help of the lone travel agent still working, I grabbed the last seat on the last evacuation flight on March 21 before the airline shuttered for good.
 
I traveled from the Philippines to Dubai and then on to New York, landing on March 22, 2020. (Little did I know I’d land in the world’s Covid epicenter at the time, but that’s another sh*t show.)
 
Since then, I’ve been safe and healthy here with family in Connecticut, a little stir crazy but no worse for wear. I have no idea when they'll let tourists back into the Philippines, but I want to be ready.

​You see, my US passport is still perfectly valid…but just until April of 2021. I don't know if you're aware, but most countries have an entry requirement that your passport must be good for at least six months after you land, or they won't let you in. So, I thought this was either the best time or worst time in history to renew my passport!

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The normal passport renewal offices are either closed or anticipating six-month turnaround times as a best-case scenario. (Hell no!)
 
My only other option is an expedited passport renewal service, which means paying big money to a private agency who reserves your line in queue and then processes your application for you.
 
I called about ten of them around the country and got a wide range of information and options, some of which were so scary how responsible and inaccurate they were. 
 
I ended up choosing a passport expediter agency in New York City because:
 
1) they actually had someone answering the phone, 

2) Haidy (we're on a first-name basis) was helpful and answered all of my 100 questions patiently, and 

3) New York is a short drive away if I have to go hunt them down if they disappear with my passport.
​

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​The problem is that the US government still isn't processing expedited passports. In fact, they're just at Phase 2, and they need to be at Phase 3 for passport offices and expedited services to start again. Haidy is optimistic that will happen soon (and maybe even this week!), but the rest of the country seems to be playing a game of ten steps backward after rushing to take one step forward, so who knows?
 
Either way, since they have my passport application, new photos, plenty of my money, and my actual passport, I’ll at least be in line once they do open up, which is sure to bring a rush of thousands of eager travelers.
 
So, I estimate my brand-new passport will show up at my front door anywhere from mid-September to right before Christmas time, 2025. 
 
Since I have plenty of time to plot my grand escape from the US, I thought I’d do a little geeking-out on the whole concept of passports.
 
Here’s what I found: 


  • Currently, about 147 million Americans have valid US passports, which is a major portion (about 45 percent) of our total 325 million population. For some reason, I have it in my mind that Americans don’t travel internationally a whole lot, but that’s an impressive number of passports.

  • If you live in the United States and don't own a passport, don't despair – there are still plenty of places you can travel. In fact, you can Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, the US Virgin Islands, and the Northern Mariana Islands, all thanks to your US citizenship.

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  • There are more than 9,000 passport offices in the US, including some US post offices that provide passport services.
 
(But do you want to hear a pro traveler tip? Head over to your local AAA for complete passport services – you’ll find almost no line and great service!)

  • If you need to renew your passport quickly, you may try one of the rush or expedited passport agencies who can do it as quickly as overnight (for a massive fee). Just Google expedited passport services in your area, and you'll find a ton of listings for different agencies. What's their speedy secret?
 
These agencies basically deal in passport appointments with the US passport services. They work with a wide network of agencies and sub-agencies who reserve every walk-in appointment they can get well ahead of time, and then resell those appointments to your agency. So, when you fill out their passport renewal paperwork for an expediter (like I am now), the agreement will include a whole stack of authorizations with sub-agencies.

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  • Our antiquated system of physical, paper passports also leaves the door open for fraud, theft, and counterfeiting. In fact, INTERPOL reports that more than 40 million US passports have been stolen (not lost) since 2002.   

     From identity thieves to immigration scammers to terrorists, a whole lot of illicit parties want to get their hands on a US passport. Of course, no one knows how many fake or altered US passports are out there, but the US government has had a whole passport crimes division, Diplomatic Security (DS), since 1916. They maintain an international database of lost or stolen passports or those shady persons who have been flagged.

  • Living or traveling abroad a lot, I do know that you can get a counterfeit US passport for about $5,000 USD or so in places like Thailand or Cambodia. (I know a guy who knows a guy.)
 
Of course, we expect that North Korea is the largest producer of counterfeit US passports since that’s also true of our US currency.

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  • Early forms of passports were just letters from rulers and officials promising safe passage, but they stood out because written letters were few and far between.
  •  
  • The concept for the modern passport can probably be traced back to 1414 when England's King Henry V issued documents that allowed travelers to prove their identity and nationality as they embarked upon foreign shores.

  • The first US passports were printed in 1783 under the watchful eye of Benjamin Franklin.
 
  • But the birth of our modern system of passports started in World War One, when travelers crossing borders needed an international crossing card and documentation, including a photograph. This was a measure put in place after a German spy was caught trying to pass into Britain with a fake US passport.

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  • Each country’s passport looks different, but all of them have a cover in one of only four colors: 
 
Red is the most popular color for passports around the world, typically used by all communist/former Soviet countries as well as most European Union countries and Andean Mountain nations (Ecuador, Peru, Columbia, etc.). 
 
Blue is the second most popular passport color, including the US but also South American trade union countries and 15 Caribbean nations. By the way, did you know that US passports only went blue in 1976?!)
 
Most Muslim countries feature green passports, including a good number of African nations, and the remainder of Africa and some Pacific countries like New Zealand have the rare black passport.

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  • Passport photos are not your time to take a fun selfie that displays your unique personality. In fact, there’s a long list of restrictions while taking passport photos: 
  • You cannot wear any hat, cap, or head covering;
  • You can’t wear sunglasses;
  • You can’t have hair cover any part of her face;
  • You can’t wear any uniform or official or work outfit (except if you work for a commercial airline);
  • And even smiling was banished from passport photos in 2004 – you have to keep a neutral expression. 
 
When I went for a new passport last month, they actually made me re-take my photo three times because I had a hard time NOT smiling!

  • But governments aren’t just being the fun police with these restrictions – they’re trying to make sure facial recognition software can works unobstructed.
 
For that reason, if you have any significant facial cosmetic surgery, get a new facial tattoo (sorry Mike Tyson and the dude from the Hangover!), or even get a new facial piercing, you’ll need to get a new passport photo!

  • In the early days of passports, there were issued for an entire family, and your passport photo could even be a family photo.
 
  • A US passport comes with 28 pages, which includes 17 pages that are blank and ready for visa, entry, or exit stamps when you visit other countries. 
 
  • But if you run out of blank pages, you can send in your passport and have them add 24 extra interior pages. You can do that up to three times, so there are some US passports with a whopping 124 pages!  

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You can actually be denied entry into a country or not allowed to board a flight if your passport doesn’t have enough blank pages left.

  • Most countries now also require that your passport will be good for three to six months after your entry. So, even if your US passport does not expire for 5 months and 29 days, you may still be denied entry! 
 
A good number of people get caught with this little-known and unwritten rule, and they’re not allowed to board or forced to get on a plane and head home from their destination’s airport – at their own expense!

  • Immigrations officials in any country can also deny entry if a passport is damaged. But it’s a completely subjective standard, and you can have a disgruntled or cranky immigration officer tell you that you can’t enter just because your passport is faded, ripped, worn, or damaged by water at one time. 
 
While this isn’t common (people usually get their passports renewed if they’re in bad shape), I did have this happen to a friend – he arrived in Costa Rica, but the contentious immigration officer wouldn’t let him in based on the condition of his US passport! He had to get on a flight right back to the US and wasted a ton of time and money.

  • Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II is the only person in the world who doesn’t need a passport to travel internationally. Even the Pope and the rest of the British royal family all need passports for travel, but not the Queen! 
 
  • Presidents from around the world do need passports to travel, but they receive special diplomatic passports that allow them to travel freely to most countries without visas. In the US and other nations, these presidential passports are good for life and extend to their immediate families. ​​

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  • Passports may seem boring and utilitarian, but there are some cool passports around the world. For instance, when you shine a UV light on a Norwegian passport, an embedded holographic photo displays the Northern Lights or Aurora Borealis!
 
Under a UV light, Canadian passports also show photos of the country’s landmarks.
 
And when you scroll forward through passports from Finland and Slovenia quickly, the images at the bottom display like a flicker book, creating a moving picture.

  • Even though they are not countries or even international borders, you can get your passport stamped at Machu Picchu (Peru) or Easter Island (territory of Chile).
​
  • Most countries try to add features that make them difficult to counterfeit, but a passport from Nicaragua is actually the hardest in the world to forge. In fact, passports from this poor Latin American nation include 89 separate security features like watermarks and holograms. (Which is interesting because I lived in Nicaragua and I don’t really know why they have such high security.)

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  • Do you remember the 2004 Steven Spielberg movie, The Terminal? In that flick, main character Tom Hanks is forced to live in an airport terminal for a while due to visa problems and the rouge status of his home nation.
 
Well, that plot is based on a real situation in which an Iranian man couldn’t present his passport to immigration officials in France’s Charles de Gaulle Airport. The Iranian refugee, Mehran Karimi Nasseri, had his travel documents stolen in 1988, so he was stuck inside the airport and not allowed to leave or pass immigration.
 
He ended up living in the airport terminal for 17 years until he had to be taken to a hospital in 2006. 17 Years – that's insane!

  • Each year, a metric called the Henley Passport Index (HPI) ranks all 199 passports in the world based on how many countries you can enter without a visa. 

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  • Singapore is currently ranked as the most powerful passport in the world at #199, and the United States is not far behind at #171. But the United Arab Emirates (UAE) may soon take the top spot because they’re under negotiations to join the Schengen Area countries.
 
  • And if you’re wondering, Afghanistan is the least powerful passport in the world, according to the Henley Passport Index (HPI), as it only allows visa-free entry into 25 countries.
 
Wish me luck getting my passport back one day soon – and getting home to the Philippines!

-Norm   :-)

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    Norm Schriever

    Norm Schriever is a best-selling author, expat, cultural mad scientist, and enemy of the comfort zone. He travels the globe, telling the stories of the people he finds, and hopes to make the world a little bit better place with his words.   

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