Should we start our own country?
But what can be done about it? Instead of dedicating your life public service and working tirelessly to affect positive change, I propose that it would be much easier to give up and start over. I’m not talking about an all-out world revolution (just yet), but has it ever occurred to you that we should start our own country?
Why not? How hard could it really be to govern one of the two hundred-or-so countries in the world?
In fact, nation building is a lot easier than you may think, and there have been plenty of examples throughout history of people who have gone rogue and formed their own (sort of) sovereign states.
However, penciling out the formation of a new nation mandates that some seriously fun decisions need to be made. In the interest of all of us forming a country, here are some of my thoughts on the matter:
What should we call it?
Just off the top of my head, something universally appealing to all of our citizens comes to mind, like Normlandia. No? Too much like the TV show, Portlandia?
Ok, I don't want to make this all about me, but does NORMtopia push your buttons?
Good point – we don’t want to set ourselves up as a utopia only to fail expectations.
Unfortunately, Djibouti is already taken, as is the country of Christmas Island, Transnistria, Nauru, Micronesia, and about seven countries that end in "-stan.”
So how about The United Republic of Boogie? I kinda like that one!
Where can we "put" our new country?
It’s critically important that we have the right people leading our young nation. For that reason, I’m of the strong belief that we need a Clinton in (our version of the) White House.
How about George Clinton? He even sang a song about painting the White House black, and I can think of no better representative of the United Republic of Boogie.
But George is the only person alive that has possible done as many drugs as Keith Richards, is getting up there in years, and is still busy touring.
Hmmm…let me think about this…
Ahh hell, I’ll volunteer to be Supreme Emperor err democratically elected President.
But I don’t want to make this a permanent thing, so let’s just ordain me as Supreme Leader for 99 years with an option to buy, sort of like a timeshare in Mexico.
Laws and Governance
I guess we'll need some sort of rule of law so it's not a total free-for-all. Here are my initial thoughts on some laws we should enact:
- 2 - 3:30 PM is national siesta time, and ever citizen is required to sleep, lay down wherever they were standing, or just be in a hammock.
- The United Republic of Boogie will have no televisions, but everyone will enjoy free Wi-Fi.
- Similar to North Korea’s policy of requiring each citizen to turn a neighbor in every week, I think we should make it a law that you’re required to say something nice about someone every day.
- If you’re caught littering, smoking in a non-smoking area, dumping chemicals, or polluting in any other way, you have to eat it on the spot.
- There shall be no Krab with a K.
- Instead of suing someone in court, you just have a dance-off. Yes!
Immigration and citizenship policies
Now that we have a working title for our country, the United Republic of Boogie, we have to establish who our citizens will be and our policies on immigration. Despite all of the turbulence the U.S. is now experiencing because of Trump’s travel ban, I find this to be quite easy.
People can move to the United Republic of Boogie if they are my friends or friends of my friends. But our immigration policy will strictly prohibit those suspicious friends of friends of friends. We have to draw the line somewhere!
I like a casual Friday all-week-long policy, except in banks, offices, and government buildings, where you should be required to dress like a member of The Village People at all times.
In addition to a regular police force, I seriously want Fun Police and Fashion Police roaming the streets. (I wonder what Fashion Police brutality would look like?)
Police will also carry feather ticklers and bazookas, but nothing in between.
We can do like Costa Rica, the only country in the world without an army or military of any kind?
But no matter what our defense force looks like, I say that our politicians’ sons (and daughters) will be the first ones drafted and sent to the front lines in the event of war.
Use it tas or lose it tas
Which is Latin for ‘use it or lose it,’ of course.
Revolution by the Beatles?
What I Got by Sublime?
How about We Got the Funk by the aforementioned George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic?
Don’t worry if none of these are your first choice, as we’ll change the National Song once a week. After all, we are living in the United Republic of Boogie, so all school kids will have to learn that month’s anthem it word for word (explicit versions).
We’ll observe all US holidays except Memorial, Veterans, President’s Day, Labor Day, and July 4th (not applicable).
Drive Backwards to Work Day
With your help, I’m sure we’ll come up with plenty more.
Our official religion will consist of one and only one motto, matra, or commandment: “Thou shall not be an asshole.”
But the United Republic of Boogie will also encourage freedom of religion. In fact, twice a year every citizen is required to visit a mosque/temple/cult/etc. of another religion, just to promote understanding and respect.
Let’s just take a US hundred dollar bill and smack a mug shot of me in an orange clown wig during the water festival in Thailand on it. Done.
We really won’t have to worry too much about building our economy, working hard, and all of that 9-5 noise, because the United Republic of Boogie will be sponsored by Nike, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Netflix, Jack Daniels, RedTube, Vans, eBay, and the Cheesecake Factory. (So basically, everything good.)
If that doesn’t bring in enough dough, we’ll just start selling off cabinet positions or allow multiple people to name the same star for a hefty fee.
Boom! I’m getting quite good at this!
Power grid, water supply, sewage, medical facilities, schools, public works, etc.
Let’s not overthink this – I’ll figure that stuff out as we go along.
After all, I can’t do much worse than our current politicians seem to be boffing it up!
Supreme Leader (pending)
The U.R. of Boogie