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Your July 2017 Postcard from Norm: Should we start our own country?

6/30/2017

4 Comments

 
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Should we start our own country?

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Are you sick and tired of politics? No matter whether you’re a contentious Republican or embattled Democrat, a DU30 loyalist or Xi Jinping apologist, proponent of Brexit or proud son of Trudeau, chances are you’re getting a little tired of the rhetoric (i.e. the bullshit).
 
But what can be done about it? Instead of dedicating your life public service and working tirelessly to affect positive change, I propose that it would be much easier to give up and start over. I’m not talking about an all-out world revolution (just yet), but has it ever occurred to you that we should start our own country?
 
Why not? How hard could it really be to govern one of the two hundred-or-so countries in the world?

In fact, nation building is a lot easier than you may think, and there have been plenty of examples throughout history of people who have gone rogue and formed their own (sort of) sovereign states.
 
However, penciling out the formation of a new nation mandates that some seriously fun decisions need to be made. In the interest of all of us forming a country, here are some of my thoughts on the matter:

What should we call it?

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First, off, we have to assign a name to our new country.
 
Just off the top of my head, something universally appealing to all of our citizens comes to mind, like Normlandia. No? Too much like the TV show, Portlandia?
 
Ok, I don't want to make this all about me, but does NORMtopia push your buttons?
 
Good point – we don’t want to set ourselves up as a utopia only to fail expectations.
 

Unfortunately, Djibouti is already taken, as is the country of Christmas Island, Transnistria, Nauru, Micronesia, and about seven countries that end in "-stan.”
 
So how about The United Republic of Boogie? I kinda like that one!

Where can we "put" our new country? ​

That’s the hard part. Click here to read about our options for finding terra firma to host the United Republic of Boogie, including trying to annex an island, find uninhabited territory in the world, invade a neighbor, or start our own floating nation. I'll start by covering the world community's muddled rules on accepting new nations.  

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Electing politicians 
It’s critically important that we have the right people leading our young nation. For that reason, I’m of the strong belief that we need a Clinton in (our version of the) White House.
 
How about George Clinton? He even sang a song about painting the White House black, and I can think of no better representative of the United Republic of Boogie.
 
But George is the only person alive that has possible done as many drugs as Keith Richards, is getting up there in years, and is still busy touring.
 
Hmmm…let me think about this…
 
Ahh hell, I’ll volunteer to be Supreme Emperor err democratically elected President.
 
But I don’t want to make this a permanent thing, so let’s just ordain me as Supreme Leader for 99 years with an option to buy, sort of like a timeshare in Mexico.
 
Laws and Governance
I guess we'll need some sort of rule of law so it's not a total free-for-all. Here are my initial thoughts on some laws we should enact:
 
  • 2 - 3:30 PM is national siesta time, and ever citizen is required to sleep, lay down wherever they were standing, or just be in a hammock.
  • The United Republic of Boogie will have no televisions, but everyone will enjoy free Wi-Fi.
  • Similar to North Korea’s policy of requiring each citizen to turn a neighbor in every week, I think we should make it a law that you’re required to say something nice about someone every day.
  • If you’re caught littering, smoking in a non-smoking area, dumping chemicals, or polluting in any other way, you have to eat it on the spot.
  • There shall be no Krab with a K.
  • Instead of suing someone in court, you just have a dance-off. Yes!

Immigration and citizenship policies
Now that we have a working title for our country, the United Republic of Boogie, we have to establish who our citizens will be and our policies on immigration. Despite all of the turbulence the U.S. is now experiencing because of Trump’s travel ban, I find this to be quite easy.
 
People can move to the United Republic of Boogie if they are my friends or friends of my friends. But our immigration policy will strictly prohibit those suspicious friends of friends of friends. We have to draw the line somewhere!
 
National uniforms
I like a casual Friday all-week-long policy, except in banks, offices, and government buildings, where you should be required to dress like a member of The Village People at all times.
 
Police
In addition to a regular police force, I seriously want Fun Police and Fashion Police roaming the streets. (I wonder what Fashion Police brutality would look like?)
 
Police will also carry feather ticklers and bazookas, but nothing in between.
 
Military
We can do like Costa Rica, the only country in the world without an army or military of any kind?
 
But no matter what our defense force looks like, I say that our politicians’ sons (and daughters) will be the first ones drafted and sent to the front lines in the event of war.

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National motto
Use it tas or lose it tas 
Which is Latin for ‘use it or lose it,’ of course.
 
National flower
Cannabis Sativa
 
Language
English
Spanglish
Jive
 
National bird
Thanksgiving turkey
 
National Song
Revolution by the Beatles?
 
What I Got by Sublime?

How about We Got the Funk by the aforementioned George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic? 
 
Don’t worry if none of these are your first choice, as we’ll change the National Song once a week. After all, we are living in the United Republic of Boogie, so all school kids will have to learn that month’s anthem it word for word (explicit versions).
 
Holidays
We’ll observe all US holidays except Memorial, Veterans, President’s Day, Labor Day, and July 4th (not applicable).
Taco Tuesdays
No-pants Day
Drive Backwards to Work Day
With your help, I’m sure we’ll come up with plenty more.
 
Religion
Our official religion will consist of one and only one motto, matra, or commandment: “Thou shall not be an asshole.”
 
But the United Republic of Boogie will also encourage freedom of religion. In fact, twice a year every citizen is required to visit a mosque/temple/cult/etc. of another religion, just to promote understanding and respect.

​

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Currency
Let’s just take a US hundred dollar bill and smack a mug shot of me in an orange clown wig during the water festival in Thailand on it. Done.
 
Economy
We really won’t have to worry too much about building our economy, working hard, and all of that 9-5 noise, because the United Republic of Boogie will be sponsored by Nike, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, Netflix, Jack Daniels, RedTube, Vans, eBay, and the Cheesecake Factory. (So basically, everything good.)
 
If that doesn’t bring in enough dough, we’ll just start selling off cabinet positions or allow multiple people to name the same star for a hefty fee. 
 
Boom! I’m getting quite good at this! 
 
Power grid, water supply, sewage, medical facilities, schools, public works, etc.
Let’s not overthink this – I’ll figure that stuff out as we go along.
 
After all, I can’t do much worse than our current politicians seem to be boffing it up!

***

-Norm  :-)
Supreme Leader (pending)
The U.R. of Boogie

4 Comments

​I’d like you to meet my beautiful little friend, Liza Mae

6/5/2017

1 Comment

 
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Please don’t be alarmed when you meet Liza Mae. Her appearance might startle you a little when you first see her. In fact, this little Filipina 8-year old’s face is plain hard to look at, grotesquely swollen and disfigured with only one brown eye peeking out.
 
Still, this is an improvement over how she looked only one month ago. You see, my friend, Liza Mae, has a terrible cancerous tumor on her face, and she needs our help to have any chance.
 
FYI I blurred out the details of her face out of respect for her privacy, but also because, frankly, it's shocking to see.
 
I first came across Liza Mae through the Everlasting Hope organization in Cebu City in the Philippines, where I live (I recently relocated to nearby Dumaguete). When that organization, which raises funds, manages care, and provides housing and other help for poor kids with cancer, put out the call for a Santa Claus for their annual Christmas Party, I volunteered. (I figured hell, it will give me an excuse to grow out my beard - and my belly!)
 
The party went great (although they were curious why Santa Claus sweats so much) and I became familiar with the great work Everlasting Hope is doing. So when they told me about Liza Mae’s case a month ago, I wanted to help again.

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I posted a few photos of Liza Mae and her mother that were sent to me and donated some money. Amazingly, you guys were touched by her story and wanted to help, too. It's a good thing since her care is not cheap. Well, it's ridiculously inexpensive by western standards, but insurmountable for a poor Filipino.
 
And Liza Mae and her mother are poor even by lower class Filipino standards. The father long gone, only her mother was left to take care of Liza Mae when she first got sick and the tumor started growing. It grew alarmingly quickly, but still, there was no money to go to the hospital, or even for a simple doctor's visit.
 
But with our donations, Everlasting Hope was able to get her to the doctor, and then specialists, and finally to the hospital for blood transfusions and then the start of an eight course chemotherapy treatment.

My friends on Facebook, many of whom had never even met me before yet alone this little girl in the Philippines, donated enough for us to pay for the first chemo treatment, and then the second, and, miraculously, the third treatment only the day before the bill was due.

So when I had to head over to Cebu for the weekend anyways, I asked if it would be OK if I met Liza Mae and her mother - only if she was up to it, of course. Everlasting Hope arranged for the meeting, and an air-conditioned SUV picked me up at my nice hotel, full of volunteers and intern med students.
 
We drove down towards the port, which is a really rough area that houses hundreds of thousands of desperately poor people in shantytowns. When we pulled up in front of an industrial property walled in by a corrugated tin fence, I thought that maybe Liza Mae and her mother lived better than most in the area.
 
But it was actually a dirt parking lot inside where 18-wheelers and trucks parked their cargo. Liza Mae’s “house” was in there off to one side, a structure slapped together with plywood, cardboard, and tin that looked as sturdy as a house of cards.
 
“Here, put this on,” the Everlasting Hope staff told me, handing me a surgical mask. “It’s to try to keep any germs away from her.”
 
But it seems to me that dirt and germs were all that surrounded us. There was nothing but rubble and broken glass, 5-gallon buckets and discarded junk strewn about, rags hanging on a laundry line. Filthy little kids ran up to us, curious to the presence of a new foreigner – maybe the only one they’d ever seen up close.
 
We were led into the shade of the open-air structure, and there sat Liza Mae on her mother's lap. She was so skinny; all bones; even her ribs showing through her chest. There was still a swab of cotton taped to her hand from a recent IV, and the hospital ID bracelet that was set as tight as possible still hung from her emaciated wrist. Her clothing hung off of her like an oversized shirt on a plastic hangar.


Liza Mae was wearing a mask, too, but the top of her face above her covered nose revealed what was beneath. I said hello to her and her mother, smiled , and waved. Her mother, who didn’t speak much English, expressed her appreciation for our help and donations, and translated Liza Mae’s thanks through the Everlasting Hope folks. 
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They put out their best white plastic chair for me, and we all sat there and chatted for a while. All of the kids packed in, and I remember thinking that it was good Liza Mae had other kids and little friends around her. There were other older women living in the shanty, too, but no men, and they came and sat with us. 
 
They told me a little more about Liza Mae and her plight. One of the older women ran and got an old phone with a cracked phone, showing me a photo of Liza Mae only one year earlier before the cancer struck. I was shocked – she was a pretty little girl, totally unrecognizable today. 
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There were flies everywhere, and her loving mother tried to shoo them away when they landed on Liza Mae, but she couldn't keep up. Liza Mae whispered imperceptibly to her mother from time to time, who understood what she wanted instantly even though she could barely use her mouth beneath the tumor.
 
“She’s itchy and hot because of the medication,” they translated for me. I asked if they had a fan at least, and they said they did have one inside. I noticed a leaning, open-air shack in the back of the truck lot.
 
“Is that the comfort room?” I asked, referring to what they call their toilets. It was pretty bad if everyone had to go back there, I thought.
 
“No, that’s not a CR, they told me,” they told me. “They don’t have one here. They have to go outside into the street and pay a coin to rent a CR every time.”

But after spending a little more time with them, I found that Liza Mae is still like any other kid, despite her terrible affliction. She likes chicharron (crispy fried pork) and ice cream. She also likes Jollibee fried chicken (but won't eat the imitation sold in the roadside stands). However, she doesn't eat enough these days because her sickness and the chemotherapy makes her nauseas all the time.

Liza Mae still wears the hospital ID tag around her thin wrist like a designer bracelet and doesn't want to take it off. She also liked the new bright yellow baseball cap I brought her.
 
She was really shy around me at first, but before I had to leave, she wanted to give me a high five and presented me with this artwork, which she'd colored herself.
 
It says "salamat," which means "thank you."
 
It instantly became my most cherished possession, and it nearly breaks my heart and puts all of my petty problems in perspective every time I look at it. I carry around that drawing in my backpack as a reminder of my beautiful little friend.
 
Liza Mae has a long way to go, and we don't know if she'll get there. But she has loved ones around her, and now she has hope and knows she's never alone in this fight, no matter how difficult the journey ahead.
 
The first three rounds of chemotherapy went well, shrinking her tumor a little and arresting its growth. But each round of chemo costs about $600 USD. She also needs white blood cell infusions, medications, and other care. That doesn’t even account for living expenses, food, and transportation, etc.
 
I would be forever grateful if you would donate something to help with Liza Mae’s medical costs.
 
So that you know, I don’t give money to Liza Mae's mother directly (although I handed her about $30 of my own money before I left so Liza Mae could have all of the Jollibee and ice cream she wants!) Nor do I pay her medical bills myself.
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When you or I donate money, I send every penny of it (I pay ATM /PayPal/Western Union fees out of my own pocket) to Everlasting Hope, the ones coordinating Liza Mae’s care.​

Everlasting Hope is a registered non-profit in the Philippines. To ensure transparency and accountability, they send me detailed reports of where every dollar is spent – like this one. Of course, I'd  be happy to share those reports with you. 

There are several ways you can donate to help Liza Mae:
 
In the Philippines, deposit directly to their Metrobank account.

From the U.S., you can make a contribution through their affiliate, a church named Lake Samm in Bellvue, Washington.
 
Or, if you wanted to easily shoot a donation to my personal Paypal, I'll withdraw it here (at my expense for all fees) and deliver the money directly and safely to Everlasting Hope for Liza Mae's care. I can show receipts and confirmation of all funds donated, as well as those medical accounting reports.
 
My Paypal is hi@NormSchriever.com
 
Thanks so much from Liza Mae and her mom!

-Norm  :-)

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1 Comment

​Can you really start your own country?

6/3/2017

0 Comments

 
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​Can you really start your own country?
 
Wouldn’t it be nice to get far away from all the hustle and bustle, find a deserted tropical island, build a hut on it, plant a flag, and establish it as the official Republic of YOU - with yourself as King, President, and Emperor, of course?

​Believe it or not, it is possible to establish your own micronation. However, it remains ludicrously ambitious to think that the world community will ever recognize your new state. But it is easier than you think to at least form your own country on paper (or in your own mind).
 
Definition of a country or micronation
 
There is no one universal world accord or rule on creating a micronation, which actually works in your favor. But there is a framework for claiming statehood, which is outlined in the Montevideo Convention on the Rights and Duties of States, signed in 1933 by the United States and other Latin American countries.
 
Article 1 of that Convention argues that “the state as a person of international law” needs to meet the following qualifications:
 
Have a permanent population
Define a territory
Have a government
The ability to enter into relations with the other countries
 
The next ten Articles of the Montevideo Convention detail that the “existence of a state is independent of recognition by other states, and is free to act on its own behalf—and that no state is free to intervene in the affairs of another.”
 
If I’m reading that correctly, that means that your nosey neighbors can’t file a protest and block your attempt at turning your front yard and house into your own country. So anyone is free to declare themselves a new micronation. However, the Montevideo Convention isn't the rule of law or even universal international agreement, so achieving legitimacy is a whole new battle.
 
Nations that currently don’t enjoy universal recognition
 
Already, the waters are muddied when it comes to the number of legit and universally recognized countries in the world. In fact, there isn’t even one definitive answer to the question “How many countries are there in the world?” The most complete answer is that there are 196 countries, but that’s where it gets complex.
 
For instance, Taiwan – the island nation in Asia – claims sovereignty, but China also claims that Taiwan is part of their country. Most of the world do recognize Taiwan as its own country, but some do not.
 
There is also the case of Palestine in the Middle East, with only 70.5% (136 out of 193) United Nations member states recognizing it as a country. Conversely, Israel is not recognized by Palestine, nor Syria.
 
The list of states with “limited recognition” narrows to the more obscure:
 
Armenia is a country…except that it’s not recognized by Pakistan, and Cyprus isn’t recognized by Turkey), etc. North Korea is not recognized by two United Nations members, Japan and South Korea. Abkhazia broke from Russia in1999 and formed its own country, although it’s still not fully acknowledged by UN member states. And a desolate slice of sand in the Western Sahara is claimed by Morrocco, but also formed its own micronation, called the Sahrawi Arab Democratic Republic (SADR). It goes on and on.
 
 
But where will it be?
 
The biggest question that arises in the quest for your own country is where you’ll establish it. After all, you want some terra firma to call your own, even if it’s just a small plot. Here are a few geographical options for your new micronation:
 
Islands
 
The easiest way to picture your own nation is on an island somewhere, with its sandy shores dictating the border lines and a built-in aqua barrier from neighboring countries. The only problem is that there really aren't unclaimed islands just hanging around in the world. 
 
Even if you did come across an abandoned island that you find suitable, by international marine law, it needs to be outside another country’s territorial waters (usually 12 miles offshore) and 200 miles outside of any exclusive economic zone.
 
That’s the snag the Principality of New Utopia ran into when they set up shop on a small island in the Caribbean, only to find out that they were within the Exclusive Economic Zones of both Honduras and the Cayman Islands.
 
Other territory
 
Just about every inch of usable land in the world has been claimed by existing countries with two exceptions:
 
Antartica doesn’t belong to any country, although it is jointly managed by the most powerful states in the world.
 
Also, Bir Tawil is an 800 square mile slice of land that sits on the border between Egypt and Sudan, but neither claim. But if you're thinking of packing your bags for Bir Tawil, you should know that it's already been "claimed," by an American farmer from Virginia named Jeremiah Heaton, who set up the micronation of North Sudan just so his daughter, Emily, can be a real-life princess.
 
Conquer your neighbor’s country
 
With these territorial concerns, you may be looking enviously at your neighbor’s country. In fact, history is filled with instances of countries that were established after another was invaded or conquered. Sometimes it works but in other cases, like that of Comoros, Vanuatu, and the Maldives, it fails miserably in defeat and death.
 
In the 1850s, American William Walker raised a small army of private mercenaries and invaded parts of Latin America with the intention of forming his own county or colonies. He actually overthrew the presidency of Nicaragua in 1856 and ruled for one whole year. Unfortunately for Walker, his new enemies ousted him from office in 1857, sending him on the run until he was executed in Honduras in 1860.
 
Buy an existing country
 
How about trying to be a little more diplomatic and just purchasing a country? But even for the Bill Gates, Sir. Richard Bransons, and Warren Buffets of the world, it probably still isn't financially feasible. That's what a group of libertarians found out when they tried to buy Toruga from impoverished Haiti, but were rejected and sent packing. (No report on if they lost their purchase money deposit.)
 
Build your own floating nation
 
This is probably the most realistic approach, and the concept of modern, human-made floating cities and communities has undergone some fascinating evolutions.
 
But wealthy libertarian Michael Oliver tried a different approach to building his own island nation when he dumped countless tons of sand into the Minerva Reefs south of Fiji. It worked, too, as the new landmass held up and he was able to proclaim sovereignty as the new Republic of Minerva. Unfortunately, his success drew attention and he was quickly invaded by Tonga and annexed into that country!
 
***
 
Look for part two of this blog, where we give you examples of micronations already in existence, the official international rules on statehood, and a checklist with everything you’ll need to form your own country!

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    Norm Schriever

    Norm Schriever is a best-selling author, expat, cultural mad scientist, and enemy of the comfort zone. He travels the globe, telling the stories of the people he finds, and hopes to make the world a little bit better place with his words.   

    Norm is a professional blogger, digital marketer for smart brands around the world,  and writes for the Huffington Post, Hotels.com, and others.

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