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My year in southeast Asia in photos.

7/29/2014

1 Comment

 

Cambodia.

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I really loved Cambodia, its chill vibe, friendly people, and balance of some of the things you like in other parts of Asia, without too much of anything.  I spent months in Phnom Penh, the capital city, and immersed myself in the local culture.  To truly get a sense of local life, I moved out of my comfortable hotel and got an apartment in a typical neighborhood.  To get there, I had to follow a maze of winding alleys, through puddles and trash and claustrophobic corners and dark staircases.  My apartment was three stories up in an attic and insanely hot - and rat infested.  Still, I enjoyed making great friends with my neighbors - the girl shown here, an old man who's wife owned a sidewalk kiosk, and the folks at the martial arts studio across the street.  This photo typifies Cambodia for me: flawed, crumbling, treacherous at times, but its humanity always illuminated by a warm light.

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Buddhist monks laughing at Angkor Wat in Siem Reap, one of the Seven Wonders of the World.  Angkor Wat is breathtaking - the world's largest standing religious site that dates back to the 12th century.  It sits on a man-made island, perfectly square with only one km long stone bridge (shown here) across a deep moat to access it.  On the island, the temple compound sits within 3.6 km of outer walls and is a maze of temple mounts, huge galleries and courtyards built from stone, all designed to mimic Mount Meras, home to the Devas in Hindu mythology.  
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This is one of my favorite photos from the whole year because of my affinity for the children and poor folks in Cambodia.  So many kids and even whole families live on the streets, begging and eating out of the trash.  These two little girls were walking barefoot on the hot, dangerous streets, trying to sell hand-woven bracelets to tourists.  They are so poor they never owned a mirror nor saw their own image often, so they were enamored with their likeness in this car mirror.  They made faces and danced and laughed. I snuck up on them and shot a few photos before they got too self conscious and laughed before skipping away.  


The Philippines.

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This is the best photo I took all year.  Ironically, I snapped it as an afterthought on one of my last days in Asia, in a small city a few hours north of Manila in the Philippines.  Everywhere in Asia the discrepancy between rich and poor is alarming, although not geographically segregated.  There is not better example than this photo, where this burnt-out and roofless building served as the shelter for a young mother and her two infant daughters.  Right beside them sat a 7-11 convenience story on one side and an affluent hotel on the other.  I was alarmed at the textures in this photo, their obvious tenderness despite the depth of their pain, maze of many doorways like Dante's 7 Gates to Hades.

Right after I took this, I saw the little girl hanging out in front of the 7-11 by herself, dirty and shoeless.  I bought her an ice cream and gave her a few dollars and she beamed up at me with her big smile.  There's also hope in this photo, like the open sky above them, the joy of their spirit that can not be burnt down. 

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The island of Boracay in the Philippines is one of the coolest places I've ever been to on earth.  I actually visited way back in 1999 when it was just a small inhabitation of fisherman and ladyboys (and the kinky German tourists who chased them) among a mostly-untamed island.  14 years later, Boracay is far more developed, but somehow managed to keep its charm (though there are far less ladyboys and very few kinky Germans.)   It's packed with tourists, families on vacation, and beach lovers from all over the globe, but they've done a good job to manage that growth.  It's almost spotlessly clean, so safe you can walk anywhere at any time of night, and its natural beauty hasn't been diminished…despite having a Subway, McDonalds, and a Starbucks. 

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Another photo from Boracay.  On the west side of the island runs White Sand beach, a 7 km strip of immaculate…well, white sand.  It ends into a rock outcropping, but that's where the adventure just begins.  Following a narrow stone trail through the cliffs (above) you end up at majestic Diniweed beach, shown here.  It's a private beach but anyone is welcome, with only a few beach bungalows, guest houses, and restaurants built into the hill.  It's so gorgeous that I would just stand there and take it all in when I visited.


Vietnam. 

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In southeast Asia, water is life.  In every country (even landlocked Laos,) the majority of the population lives along the ocean, rivers, or lakes, where they've survived off of rice farming and fishing for many centuries.  Waterways are also the traditional method of transportation, sometimes house them on floating villages - and often were a means of escape for refugees during bloody conflicts like the Vietnam War and Cambodian genocide.  

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Walking through a local market one night, I happened on a wedding celebration.  I managed to snap a quick photo of the newlyweds without disturbing them.  Weddings in Vietnam and other southeast asian cultures are a huge deal - sometimes a 3-day affair!  

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This is along the river in Hoi An in north central Vietnam, a charming and colorful enclave of traditional culture - and tourist hotspot.  There were plenty of boats along the river, but this particular family opened their's up to visitors every evening and sold cold beer while the father played guitar and sang to his toddler daughter.  


Thailand.

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Ko Pi Pi island in Thailand.  These islands and beach were made famous when they filmed, The Beach with Leonardo DiCaprio years back.  It's stunningly beautiful, though infested with tourists.  I was sad to see trash floating around and the dipshit travelers treating it like their own party place, not giving the respect its beauty deserves.  

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A giant golden statue of Buddha from a temple, or Wat, in Thailand.  There are only certain positions you'll ever find a likeness of Buddha, like sitting, standing, laying, or in the lotus pose.  


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A photo from a botanical garden in Phuket, Thailand.  Phuket is the largest island in Thailand and some areas, like Patpong, look like crowded and touristy cities.  But there are still areas of the island that are serene and unspoiled by commercialization.  I spent the whole day wandering within this beautiful botanical garden, and saw only a few other people. 


Laos.

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Laos is one of the most picturesque places I've ever seen.  Anywhere outside of the main city, it feels like you've been transported back in time.  I spent two weeks in Luang Prabang, a  sleepy town along the Mekong River with French Colonial architecture, ornate temples, local night markets, and incredible natural beauty.  I spent my days strolling around getting lost on purpose, armed with my camera, stopping only for a coffee, local beer, or seafood barbecue.  
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Luang Prabang features parks and gardens along its river, sun-kissed and nearly deserted except for the occasional tourist or locals playing soccer or meditating.  

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One day in Luang Prabang, I put on a backpack, grabbed some water, and just started walking.  I walked all the way out of town and ended up hiking up a forested mountain.  Near the top I found a path and followed it to the entrance of a tiny compound of Buddhist monks.  I walked inside and made friends with the monks, mostly children who were sent there because their families couldn't afford to feed them.  They taught me how to bow correctly and I taught them how to 'pound it out.'  

Runners up.

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Boracay Island in the Philippines at sunset.
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My martial arts instructor in Cambodia.
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Classic car in Luang Prabang, Laos.
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Colorful temple in Thailand.
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Why do our children have to hide beneath their desks?

7/27/2014

2 Comments

 
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I remember when I was a goofy little kid in elementary school we were instructed by our teachers to hide under our desks.  It was a drill of course, a response to the specter of nuclear war that hung over us during the Cold War.  We hid under those desks because of the Soviet menace, in a time when both countries' leaders had their pale, bony fingers on the button. 

My mom told me when she was a child, growing up in a village in the German countryside, she hid under her desk.  Her family lived in a cramped apartment over a bakery, where the smells of bread fresh out of the oven rose to their window every morning.  Her dad was the village postman; but elsewhere his countryman marched to war.  So the school kids hid under the desks, fearing Allied bombs that fell astray.  Indeed, the hotel down the street and the church were hit by bombs before it was over, reducing them to rubble. 

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And on the other side of the channel, Germany’s bastards bombed the lanes and bridges of London every night, sending English children to their basements, trembling until it was quiet again.  And in Poland, the ovens smoked not of bread, a stain on humanity that will never wash off. 

We saw bodies rain from the sky on 9/11.  And after Newtown, we’re not even sure that hiding under desks really helps.  I sped down to that tranquil Connecticut hamlet that day because my sister lives there, with three kids in a different school.  They had to hide under their desks that day, too.  They’re all right, but everyone knew someone…

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As we speak, Israeli and Palestinian children are hiding under their desks.  In shelters or tunnels, huddled in chaos as their world burns around them, unable to comprehend why someone would hate them so much.   

A lot of children around the world never even get the opportunity to hide under a desk, go to school, or even live indoors.  They drink from puddles.  They eat the trash.  Their youth is stolen by nightmares of barbed wire.  They dance and play in fields of landmines. 

In Nigeria, they stole our daughters and we do nothing but hold press conferences.  In India, grown men rape our little sisters, burn them and hang them from trees.  Syria.  Venezuela.  Egypt.  If you listen close enough, the crack of the whip against bent backs still echoes in the Americas. 

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And when they run for their lives, barefoot and bloodied into the screaming night, who are we to turn them away from the borders?  They ask only for a sip of our water.

But instead, we torture their peace and call it politics.  And we curse our children by teaching them our own hatred.

Who are these cowards who do this to our children?  Grown men.  Always men, decomposing in the stench of their own power.  Soulless, lying to the mirror that they’re fighting for some noble cause.  That’s who places AK47’s in tiny hands and forces them to kill their own parents, who gives the order to truncheon unarmed protestors and bomb marathons.  They’re the ones who trade a million lives for a million dollars before breakfast, and never eat lightly. 

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To them I say, come out from beneath your masks and mobs, you fucking cowards.  Stop hiding behind your fleshy ideology, your religion of cruelty.  Because of you, we’re fast becoming the monsters we so despise - and I’m afraid that very soon we won’t be able to tell the difference anymore. 

But you can’t hide from us forever.  There is too much truth, too much light, too much love.  We will win.  So come out from the shadows and stand before God for your judgment. And then maybe we’ll have a generation who knows only what it’s like to sit peacefully at their desks, not hide beneath them.  
-Norm 

 


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An email from an African immigrant.

7/13/2014

3 Comments

 
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I received an email from an African man last week, a gentlemen from the country of Nambia who had a few questions about moving abroad. I write a lot articles and blogs on travel and living in other countries, so he read one and reached out to me. 

I wanted to share our exchange with you. Why?

In the United States, 'immigrant' is a bad word. At least some times it is, for some people. But particularly right now in the United States, the only frame of reference most of us have with the idea of immigration is people from Mexico and Central America illegally sneaking into our borders. Or we might have a feint notion of Irish, Italian, Polish, etc. immigrants coming through Ellis Island in faded photographs.  

But the world is filled with migrants - to and from every single country, throughout every inch of the world, the ebb and flow of our existence within geography is as old as human kind, itself. In fact, borders are unnatural. We are all on the same globe, yet we draw an invisible line and call the space within "ours," almost arbitrarily - in proportion to our power, opened or shut per our convenience. The permitters of nations are like rubber bands, constricting and expanding through history as wars, refugees, famines, disputes, industry, colonization, language changes, social and cultural norms, and  even weather patterns change.  

I don't play at politics, so I'm not trying to tell you that the borders of the United States should be open to everyone, all the time. Of course that would be a disaster, and every country requires policies who can enter and who can not. I don't have the answer what that policy should be, exactly. The only thing I know is that there is a far bigger picture of immigration than the average person understands in the U.S., so I'm trying to paint the corners. Hopefully through this blog, you will be introduced to another kind of immigrant, a real person with a life journey outside you previous realm of understanding, to humanize the issue beyond headlines and political rhetoric.  

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As I've travled all over the world, I've noticed a few things:

1. Every country experiences the same circumstances: people from more economically-disadvantaged countries trying to enter for jobs, safety, or a better life. And the population of every country is trying to enter another country for economic advantage. Everyone's nature is to try to move up. The United States is one of the few countries where that does not occur - our citizens don't have anywhere to go but down.

2. The vast majority of immigrants are good people who just want to work hard, take care of their families, and live happy lives. I estimate that percentage to be exactly the same as the rest of the non-immigrant population who are good people who work hard, take care of their families, and live happy lives.  

3. How can we criticize an immigrant when his country was colonized by the same people who are now denying him entry to theirs?  

4. I have been an illegal immigrant - living and conducting business in countries for periods longer than my tourist visa allows, so I have no right to judge anyone. It's not easy. There 

5. In fact, I know that if I was born into poor circumstances and had trouble putting food on the table or keeping my family safe, I'd take advantage of every opportunity to move somewhere else for a better life.

Would you?

Here is the email I received from this gentlemen from Africa, and my reply:

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Hi Norm,

Im T.J. (name changed) a 30-year old black man from Namibia, Africa who is
interested in working overseas either in Canada, Germany, United Kingdom, or United Arab Emirates.

I'd like to know from you as you possess priceless information in travel as to which countries are worth the effort. I'm  looking for a country offering the following;

1) minimal racial discrimination- I was born and raised in the Apartheid era. (Namibia was colonised by the very same racist South African government after Germany lost the 2nd world war)

2) Well-paying unskilled or semi-skilled jobs. I want to earn and save as much foreign currency as possible to help shoulder some family responsibilities (check out the Namibian dollar exchange rate in comparison to £/€/$,im sure it can help paint a picture)

3) Opportunities to help forge business endeavours with foreigners while living aboard, as there are many opportunities here in Namibia which foreigners can benifit from including my own people (trying to utilize any opportunity available should i go overseas).

4) Which towns/cities one should consider living in within these countries.

I hope im making enough sense concerning the posed questions,if not please do let me know as not all info on the net is reliable regarding these countries and i need raw info and you are the main man
concerning this:)

To conclude i highly appreciate any response given regarding this matter and any extra info will be treasured thank you for your time in reading my letter Norm.

Regards,
T.J.

***

Hello T.J.;

So nice of you to reach out and say hello.  Thanks for asking that great question, and I hope I can help.  I have a little experience with those places or what I've heard, and out of those, I think Canada might be my first choice.  Of course it is cold, but from what I see there are plenty of work opportunities, they have a liberal immigration and work policy, and the economy is terrific.  Also, I understand Canada is a country with large immigrant and foreigner/non-white pockets of population, and there is far less racism that in my home country, the U.S.  Vancouver is the best city there but crazy expensive.  Toronto has the most international flavor and that may be a good place to start.  I know a lot of people who work in mining or drilling way up north and make great money - they'll work a month on and two weeks off or some schedule like that.  So it's not glamorous at all, but they make great money without advanced qualifications and it gives them some time freedom.

Germany's economy is tough right now and there is a big  anti-immigrant sentiment.  England is great and possibly my second choice, though it's very expensive and more competitive in London.  I really don't know that much about UAE.

I certainly hope that helps ! I applaud your efforts to build a better life for you and your family, and wish you the best of luck. Please keep me posted and keep in touch!

Your brother and friend,

Norm Schriever

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Shark attacks!  Facts behind the fear.

7/12/2014

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Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...Shark Week is coming soon, our beloved 7-day oceanic feeding frenzy courtesy of the Discovery Channel.  Whether it's watching shows about sharks or dipping our toes in the ocean, many of us are left with a crippling fear of these swimming predators. The images of razor teeth and dismembered surfers haunt our psyches long after this highest-rated series ends, pure Freudenschade the only thing that keeps us from changing the channel.

How do you know your cage has been rattled by Shark Week? There are telltale signs. Do you hear the theme from "Jaws" every time you're in your pool? Are you even scared to get in the bathtub? Have you been avoiding your favorite sushi restaurant for fear of instigating sashimi's big brother? These are all common signs of Post Traumatic Shark Disorder, but there is hope. Once you know the facts behind the fear of shark attacks, it will be easier to feel (semi) safe in the water once again.

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How many people are attacked by sharks?

Let's get right down to it, how many people get attacked? Looking at comprehensive data collected since 1580, over 430 years, we can track the instances of shark attacks per country. The United States leads the way with 1,022 attacks, then Australia where 689 attacks have occurred, followed by Africa with 326 attacks. It's interesting to note that they tally Hawaii's numbers separately because it's not in the continental U.S., and they've had an alarming 116 shark attacks.

How many shark attacks are fatal?

It may seem like almost every person who is attacked by a shark perishes, but quite the opposite is true. Even though the U.S. has the highest shark attack numbers, only 36 fatalities are on record. The highest rate of fatalities is in Australia where they've had 201 shark attack deaths, roughly 1 in 3 who are bitten (that higher percentage might be attributed to the size and type of shark prevalent in their waters, as well as the remoteness of beaches for suffers and divers.)

Next comes Africa, with 326 attacks and 89 fatalities. Hawaii has had only 8 shark fatalities on record.

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Where is the most dangerous place on earth for shark attacks?

Western Australia seems to be the most dangerous place on earth for fatal shark attacks, and New Smyrna Beach, Florida has the highest number of shark attacks of any one location, making it the unofficial shark attack capital of the world. It's estimated that every person who swims there is within 10 feet of a shark at some point!

What are the odds you'll be attacked by a shark?

The odds are about 1 in 11.5 million that you'll be attacked by a shark, and only about 1 in 264 million that you'll die that way.

That's incredibly slim considering that 75 million U.S. people visit beaches and swim in the ocean every year, but there have been only 26 fatalities over the last 40+ years.

In fact, you're more likely to die from:

Falling coconut: 1 in 250,000,000 (coconuts kill about 150 people every year.)
Plane crash: 1 in 11,000,000
Drowning in the bathtub: 1 in 685,000
Falling out of bed: 1 in 2,000,000
Terrorist attack 1 in 9,300,000
Hit by lightning 1 in 10,000,000

Who gets bitten by sharks?

According to National Geographic, Surfers accounted for 50.8 percent of all attacks in 2010.
Swimmers and waders accounted for 38 percent of all attacks in 2010.
Snorkelers and divers accounted for 8 percent of all attacks in 2010.
Inflatable rafts and inner tubes accounted for 3 percent of all attacks in 2010.
The fastest growing percentage of shark attacks have been among surfers, probably because of the popularity of the sport and length of time in the water. Attacks on divers have remained steady over the years, where swimmers are slightly less.

Most shark attacks occur less than 100 feet from the shore, mainly around popular beaches in North America (especially Florida and Hawaii), Australia, and South Africa.

September is the month with the most shark attacks in Florida.

What kinds of sharks are dangerous?

There are 480 breeds of sharks in the world but only 3 are considered dangerous to humans; the Great White, Tiger shark and Bull shark.

Dangerous breeds of sharks are big, fast, and vicious - nature's efficient killing machines. The average human swimming in the ocean is around 165 lbs and swims no more than 5 mph (unless you're Michael Phelps.) While a Great White is up to 5,000 pounds and can swim at 25 mph, a Tiger shark 1,400 pounds and up to 20 mph, and a Bull Shark up to 700 lbs and 11 mph.

How big are their teeth?

Even the deadliest sharks, Great Whites, have relatively small teeth for such large predators, about 36 mm, or 1.43 inches. The largest living shark, the Whale shark (which is not dangerous to humans) has tiny teeth.

Their teeth may not be big, but they are razor sharp and their jaws exert an incredible amount of force. The largest great whites have a bite force of up to 1.8 tons. By comparison, a large African lion can produce around 560 kg of bite force and a human approximately 80 kg - making the great white's bite more than 20 times harder than that of a human.

Sharks prefer to kill their prey by biting into them and then pulling their kill side to side. This saw-like motion rips their victim open, causing it to bleed to death.

Where on the body do shark bites occur?

When attacks occur victims are 32 percent likely to be bitten in the lower legs, 25 percent upper legs, 19% lower torso, 10 percent upper torso, 8 percent arms, and only 6 percent in the head.

How can you reduce the risk of being attacked by a shark?

  • Sharks feed in the dark, so avoid swimming at dusk, dawn, or at night.
  • Avoid swimming where sharks normally prowl, in murky water, sandbars, and steep drop-offs.
  • Don't swim alone - stay with people and always in eye sight and ear shot of others on the beach.
  • Don't let your pets swim out in the water.
  • Excessive splashing might attract a shark, which thinks you're a seal.
  • Shiny jewelry and even bright swim suits can attract sharks.
  • Don't go in the water if you are bleeding from an open wound or menstruating.
  • Avoid areas where seals and other sea creatures inhabit, a feeding ground for sharks.
  • Don't swim near areas where fisherman discard or clean their catch.

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What to do if a shark attacks:

If you see a shark, remain calm and swim to shore as fast as possible, trying not to splash too much. However, you can't play dead with sharks, so if they attack fight them off as aggressively and violently as possible. Attempt to jam the shark on the nose with any object or claw at it's gills or eyes, a shark's most sensitive areas.

If you are bitten:

If you are bitten, getting out of the water as fast as possible increases your chances of survival. Signal to others to get out of the water, too, and for someone to come help you onto the shore. Immediately find someone with a cell phone to call 911 and try to locate a lifeguard or first aid kit. Wrap the wound with clean towels, t-shirts, or any other fabric, and apply pressure to help stem the bleeding.

But most of all, pray.

Although these fun facts are less than comforting, keep in mind that far more people are killed by lightning strikes every year than shark attacks. Or you can look at it from the shark's perspective: for every human killed by a shark, human beings kill approximately 2,000,000 sharks. I wonder if they are floating around, talking about watching the carnage on "Human Week?"

-Norm  :-)

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To read about deep-ocean swimming in Costa Rica amidst fear of sharks check out South of Normal.

"I swam out past the breaks, past the surfers in the lineup, and well past the fishing boats. I shared the Pacific with countless life forms but I thought about sharks. It wasn't a matter of IF they were there, but HOW CLOSE they were.

Big White, the Landlord, Man in the Gray Suit, Greg Norman, the White Death, Mac the Knife. Sharks. The thought tensed me with fear, bringing fatigue to my shoulders and neck as I treaded water. Every time I swam out into the ocean I voluntarily inserted myself into the food chain--and unnervingly low on the ranking."

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Thinking of moving to Costa Rica?  7 Books you should read.

7/10/2014

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Costa Rica is one of the most amazing countries on earth, with natural beauty, beaches, and a warm culture that's unparalleled. Every year, almost 2.5 million tourists visit the nation that has no army, and thousands of expats and retirees from the United States and Canada move there annually. If you're thinking about moving to Costa Rica - or just going for a vacation - you definitely will want to read these books. They're not guide books, but real life narratives by people who actually moved there and experienced Costa Rica first hand. The books are listed by popularity and you can click on the titles to link to Amazon.com

Feel free to email me if you have any questions about moving to Costa Rica. Pura vida and happy reading!  

-Norm Schriever   :-)

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Happier Than A Billionaire.

In this humorous and witty account, Nadine Pisani shares what it is like to follow her dream of quitting her job and starting a new life under the sunny skies of Costa Rica. Along the way, she finds reliable utilities are not that reliable, quirky neighbors are unavoidable, and tackling red tape takes the strength of a linebacker. But with all its challenges, you'll learn why Costa Rica is ranked as one of the happiest places on earth--and you too may want to taste the Pura Vida lifestyle.

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South of Normal.

A gonzo blast of laughs and adventure about a year spent in the tropical paradise of Tamarindo, Costa Rica. Frustrated and unfulfilled with the rat race in the States, businessman Norm Schriever quits his job, sells and donates all of his possessions, and moves down to Tamarindo, Costa Rica, with nothing but a laptop and a surfboard. But Norm soon finds that paradise has its dark side. Whether it’s adapting to the local customs and the language barrier, dodging lawless drug traffickers and corrupt cops, or spending “quality time” in a Third World prison, Norm always keeps his sense of humor and forges ahead, intent on finding the paradise he has been looking for. 

To download a free sample, click here.


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In Search of Captain Zero.

In 1996, Allan Weisbecker sold his home and his possessions, loaded his dog and surfboards into his truck, and set off in search of his long-time surfing companion, Patrick, who had vanished into the depths of Central America. In this rollicking memoir of his quest from Mexico to Costa Rica to unravel the circumstances of Patrick's disappearance, Weisbecker intimately describes the people he befriended, the bandits he evaded, the waves he caught and lost en route to finding his friend. 


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Two Weeks in Costa Rica.

Have you ever been attacked by monkeys, hiked in one of the most biologically diverse places on earth, or had your wallet stolen, then given back? Matthew Houde and Jennifer Turnbull share these adventures and more in the book, Two Weeks in Costa Rica.


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Unraveling the Mysteries of Moving to Costa Rica.

Ever wonder what it would be like to leave the U.S. and move to the tropics? This book deftly blends the personal story of the author (who, along with her husband and parents, moved from Maine to Costa Rica) with incredibly helpful practical advice. A wonderfully readable resource for anyone considering moving to Costa Rica. First in the Mainers in Costa Rica series.


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Paradise Imperfect.

Margot and Anthony were ordinary parents. With two jobs and three kids, there was soccer and carpool and too much to do, and a little chronic stress about money. Then one night, following a day that was a regular amount of hectic, Margot had an idea: “I think we should move to Costa Rica.” Seven weeks later, there they were, jobless on top of a mountain, hours from the nearest paved road. This witty, insightful memoir of a family's struggle to right itself in a leafy new world is about parenting and privilege, loneliness and connection. It’s about what happens when a stressed-out technology professional escapes with her loved ones to an idyllic mountaintop...and finds that even when everything changes, some things remain the same.

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Hope, Happiness and Pura Vida.

Heart Attack = One Week Vacation = A Story of Adventure = Life Lessons = Is Your Life in Need of a Makeover? Go along on an adventure as Debbie Knight shares a seven year journey that she and her husband, Chuck, followed in pursuit of the “pure" life in Costa Rica. You will learn about the magic of Pura Vida in one of the happiest places on earth and learn sometimes why it can also be a rather frustrating experience. You will question if your life is on the right track or if it too is in need of a makeover.


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Farewell to my dear friend, the Ass Hose.

7/4/2014

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People ask me all the time, “Norm, what’s the biggest difference between living in Asia and the United States?”  Ok, one person asked me that one time, but still I wanted to share the answer with you.

You're probably expecting some semi-intelligible answer about the richness of ancient cultures, the permeation of Buddhism philosophy in modern society, or even for me to say, “Beer is so cheap in Asia they pay YOU to drink it,” but that’s not it at all.  Instead, my answer is always, “The Ass Hose.”

Yes, the ubiquitous Ass Hose in Asia – and the lack of it in ‘Merica - is the biggest difference.  So what is an Ass Hose, pray tell?

A distant cousin to the snooty French invention of the bidet, some people even call it the "bum gun" or the "sprayer. " But let’s not put lipstick on a pig, ok?  I mean, sprayer?  We’re not power washing your Dodge Durango, here.  It’s an Ass Hose, and that’s good enough for me. 

Basically, beside every toilet in Asia there is a hose coming out of the wall with a spray nozzle attached.  After you take care of your business, you proceed to shoot water at a high velocity onto your undercarriage, thereby giving it a great clean.


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“But aren’t you soaking wet then?” the American neophyte may ask next.  Au Contraire Mon Frère!  You have several fantastic options when it comes to drying off your derrier:  

1)   Use a paper towel to dry off,

2)   Pull up your shorts and embark upon your day a little wet (because you’re wet 90% of the time in Asia, anyway.)

3)   Air dry by wiggling and waving your butt around like you were auditioning to be a dancer in a rap video. 

Then again, there are never paper towels in bathrooms in Asia, or any towels, so only options #2 and #3 are available.  In fact, in Asian restrooms you may have to contend with a little old man massaging your back completely uninvited while you’re trying to go, or an amorous proposition from a multitude of lady boys, or Viagra vendors banging on your stall door.  Always an adventure.  

But let me tell you, that ass hose is still the way to go.  We’ve really been missing the mark in the U.S. with all of our rolls of flimsy paper and chaffing and….well, you get it.  I mean, whom is really civilized?  Then again, a lot of time in Asia you find yourself crapping in a rice paddy next to a water buffalo, where neither TP nor an Ass Hose is available, only coconut husks and bamboo stalks you hope aren’t infested with poisonous spiders and killer snakes.  That is why I carry Wet Wipes with me everywhere I go in Asia.  I recommend you always carry Wet Wipes.  You don’t need them until you need them and then you really need them.


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What else do you need to know about the Asian Ass Hose?  The water pressure varies from the levels of “just a trickle” all the way up to “Fire hose repelling 100 street protesters.”  Unfortunately, you usually don’t find out your current Ass Hose’s Pounds Per Square Inch until you blast off while already sitting on the can.  That results in either a sufficient mist to water a fern or a scream of surprise (and slight pain,) lifting you three feet in the air like you just sat on a geyser.  Likewise, the Ass Hose’s water temperature ranges from “mountain stream on the first day of spring,” to “volcanic lava.”   

Also, I don’t recommend brushing your teeth with the ass hose, though you might have to use it as a shower some times, as Asian bathrooms are purposely designed for inefficiency.  

Even as I write this, from an airport in Hawaii on my way back to mainland United States, I miss my dear friend, the Ass Hose.  Yup, me and old girl had some good times together.  Remember that all-nighter in Cambodia after ten-cent taco Tuesday went horribly wrong?  Or when I found out that wonderful street sashimi spot in Laos wasn’t serving sashimi at all?  Or during Songkran in Thailand, when the whole town was one big water fight so they used you to fill up their super soakers?

OMB!  (Oh my Buddha) I’ll miss you, Ass Hose!  But as I ready myself mentally and emotionally for some quality time in the United States, it’s a consolation that at least I still have my trusty Wet Wipes.  You’ll have to pry those from my cold, dead fingers, ‘Merica.    


-Norm   :-)

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15 reasons why you shouldn't travel.

7/3/2014

2 Comments

 
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1.  Your jaw will hurt from laughing so much.

2.  As you travel, you’ll meet so many strange people who talk, dress, eat, play, and worship different than you’re used to.  Then again, they’ll think the same about you.   

3.  You’ll probably have to disconnect from technology - letting your calls go to voicemail, putting down your smart phone, and logging off social media.

4.  This will make it necessary to interact with actual real live human beings with alarming frequency.  These interactions won’t just be a quick “hello” in line at a store or a word in passing at the office; you’ll have to sit down next to complete strangers and carry a whole genuine conversation for hours.

5.  Everything is new, different, and uncomfortable when you travel.  A lot of what you see and experience might force you to recalibrate your whole belief system.

6.  You’ll have to face your fears at some point…like every single day.

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7.  You’ll find out that life is bigger than your To Do list, and all the structure, planning, and control you’ve been embracing isn’t nearly as important as you thought.  

8.  You’ll have to think long and hard about what you want out of your short time on this planet.  Once you get back home, you might not want to settle for your same normal life and this could lead to all sorts of unsettling changes.

9.  You’ll have far less to complain about after traveling. In fact, most of your problems won’t seem like real problems any more.

10.  You’ll realize that most of the material shit you’ve accumulated isn’t needed at all, and in fact is holding you back.  

11.  There will be way too many new friends from all over the globe who want to keep in touch.  It takes a lot of time to maintain all those friendships.  They might even want to visit you, and invite you to visit their home countries! 

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12.  You might fall in love or even meet your soul mate – and they may live on the other side of the world!  How inconvenient!  

13.  You won’t always feel safe.  It’s frightening to discover that safety is mostly a myth that we create in our own minds.  

14.  Traveling will teach you that time is both an undefeatable opponent and your biggest ally.

15. Your ego will be shattered when you realize you’re not special and in fact, you’re pretty damn insignificant.  Traveling will provide clarity that the only things that matter in life are how you treat people and if you leave the world better than you found it.  

- Norm   :-)

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    Norm Schriever

    Norm Schriever is a best-selling author, expat, cultural mad scientist, and enemy of the comfort zone. He travels the globe, telling the stories of the people he finds, and hopes to make the world a little bit better place with his words.   

    Norm is a professional blogger, digital marketer for smart brands around the world,  and writes for the Huffington Post, Hotels.com, and others.

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