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25 Ways You Know You’re in a Third World Country, Once Again.

8/19/2013

1 Comment

 
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I just landed in Ho Chi Minh city, Vietnam 48 hours ago, and the barrage to my senses is like a reunion with a beloved old friend; the chaotic blur of sights, the symphony of car horns, the masses of humanity.  But no matter whether I’ve been in Cairo Egypt, Tamarindo, Costa Rica, or Manila in the Philipines, there are some commonalities I’ve noticed in all developing countries (sorry, Third World sounded better in the title.)  For those of you who have traveled abroad – or grew up in another country – these might sound fondly familiar. 

1.      Most of the luggage on the airport conveyor belt is boxes duct taped together and addressed with a Sharpie.

2.     Everyone wears flip flops, even the construction workers, except the police, who wear proper shoes, though they’re the only ones not running around.  

3.      Women have burn scars on the back of their calves from hot motorbike exhaust pipes.

4.     You’re supposed to throw toilet paper in the waste basket, not flush it.

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5.    There’s a showerhead right in the tiny bathroom and a drain on the floor, so you could sit on the toilet, brush your teeth in the sink, and take a shower all at the same time if you were so inclined.

6.     The top sports on TV are soccer, beach volleyball, cricket, badminton, and Formula One racing.

7.     The newscasters have English accents and only about 10% of the stories they report concern the United States.

8.     You see a family of 5 on the same moped, including infants and toddlers, and the father is the only one wearing a helmet.

9.     Every afternoon it rains harder than you’ve ever seen every for exactly 2 minutes.

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10. Crossing the street is the most dangerous thing you’ll do all day.

11. Travelers are the only ones wearing sunglasses.

12. Poor people are skinny and rich people fat, the opposite of what how it is in the US.

13. Everywhere you look there are plastic lawn chairs.

14. People carry furniture, fishing pots, assorted construction materials, and three of their friends on their bicycles.

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15. You have to count out 20,000 of the local currency just to buy a Coke.

16. Kids work in the streets all day and all night right next to their parents.  If they get tired, they curl up and sleep on cardboard boxes right on the sidewalk.

17. Every bar has a gay host with a comb-over, two hot chicks pulling in customers from the street, three salty dog expats drinking beer and sweating all day long, and a little fat kid wearing a skin-tight tank top and a gold chain who has attitude for days.

18. The same street worker will gladly sell you gum, cigarettes, a lighter, bracelets, sunglasses, marijuana, change money, or sign you up for a boat tour.

19. If little kids need to pee (chee chee), their mothers just drop their pants in the middle of the sidewalk and let them go. 

20. Girls hold hands when walking on the street with their girl friends or mom or dad.  When they’re older and they walk with their boyfriend, they always are on the inside, away from the street, so they won’t be mistaken for a prostitute.

21. You check your shoes and bed sheets for scorpions.

22. There is laundry hanging from every available horizontal surface.

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23. An amazing meal costs you only $3 on the street.

24. You lose 10 lbs in the first two weeks when that street meal does amazing things to your stomach, confining you to the bathroom for 23 hours a day.  After that you can eat cheeseburgers and drink beer all day and still lose weight.

25. People pass the time smiling, laughing, and talking to each other.  They are happy, and though their lives are hard, they somehow manage to restore your faith in humanity.

Safe travels and be good to each other,

-Norm :-)

1 Comment

I'm Beggin' You to Listen to This Song.

2/12/2013

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Have you ever heard a song out of nowhere that just turns you out?  I mean you hear it somewhere and you can't get it out of your head, to the degree that you ask everyone around you what it is, and then run home and search for it on YouTube and even...gulp...PAY to download it on iTunes?

That happened to me the other day down here in Orlando, hanging out a rooftop bar with my old friends the Famous brothers on a perfect 70 degree night among tiki torches and a glowing panorama of the downtown skyline.  The DJ was playing a hot mix of 90's hip hop and dance tunes and then THIS song came on, "Beggin' You," by MadCon, a spirited funk-hop ballad laid over the Four Season's 1967 song of the same name, "Beggin'"

I asked Big Mike Famous in all seriousness if we were listening to a new Roots joint, possibly with Jill Scott on stage and produced by Andre 3000.  The next day he found the actual artist for me and I posted the link on Facebook.  Within minutes a handful of people replied that they were either dancing on top of their desks at work or had a new favorite jam.  

Now I'm not in the habit of writing music reviews - I leave that to the more knowledgeable, diehard music bloggers like Adam Williams out of Great Britian.  But I thought it couldn't hurt to give these guys some shine.  A quick Wiki search revealed that MadCon, short for Mad Conference, consisting of Yosef Wolde-Mariam and Tshawe Baqwais along with female accompaniment, is actually a Norwegian band who's been around since 1992.  They got their start on a lot of European television shows and eventually blew up the the international charts and award shows everywhere from Poland to Portugal. 

It's the kind of song you have to crank while you're in the shower, or put on repeat on your iPod as you run on the treadmill and then you look up and you've run twice as far as usual.  Let's show MadCon some love and go to iTunes and....gulp..PAY to download it.  

Enjoy.  

 

    Do you have a new favorite song that you can't get out of your head?  

    Tell me about it!

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    Norm Schriever

    Norm Schriever is a best-selling author, expat, cultural mad scientist, and enemy of the comfort zone. He travels the globe, telling the stories of the people he finds, and hopes to make the world a little bit better place with his words.   

    Norm is a professional blogger, digital marketer for smart brands around the world,  and writes for the Huffington Post, Hotels.com, and others.

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