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29 Things scientifically proven to make us unhappy.

5/18/2018

1 Comment

 
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Want to feel happier? 

There are millions of articles, blogs, YouTube videos, and memes that instruct us how to squeeze the nectar out of life. However, for the seeker of fulfillment, there are far fewer guides that teach us about what pitfalls and traps to avoid along the way. In fact, positive psychology – the new science of happiness – offers some very definitive research and studies on what factors, circumstances, and attitudes in our lives with make us feel less happy.
 
The good news is that I sorted through the most up to date studies, surveys, and data to identify these 29 things that are scientifically proven to make you unhappy:
 
1.         Holding a grudge
Too often, we cling to petty arguments, construed slights, and perceived wrongs. But when we allow our ego to hold grudges, our anger poisons our own happiness – not the other person’s.
 
2.         Being too well off
Wait, making too much money will make us UNhappy? Are we sure we have that right? Yes, as numerous studies by the World Health Organization and others found that increasing income does correlate with increased levels of happiness UNTIL that income reaches a certain threshold. After that, you won't become happier just because of the dollars you make or what you have. (For that reason, depression is more prevalent in higher-income nations than poorer countries.)
 
You might be wondering what that income threshold is? About $70,000!
 
3.         Giving up on our dreams
It matters not whether we’ll ever achieve them or not, but just the pursuit of our dreams has been proven to higher happiness levels. In fact, abandoning our dreams results in decreased levels of joy, passion, and emotional health.
 
4.         Not making time for the things that bring us joy
Just like giving up on our dreams, when we don’t prioritize even a little time each day, week, or month for the things we love, our feelings of overall happiness are sure to sink.
 
5.         Letting our minds wander 
A 2010 Harvard study found that when our minds wander, we're significantly less happy. In fact, researchers found that our minds wandered about 46.9% of the time, no matter what we were doing. And while 4.6% of our happiness is attributed to what we're doing at that moment, 10.8% of our positive mental state is determined by our thoughts at any given time.
 
6.         Superficial relationships 
Research shows that when we “settle” and date, become friends with, or do business with someone who we don’t really like or respect, it holds us back from achieving greater fulfillment.
 
7.         Not challenging yourself
Small goals + small aspirations + small effort = less happy. That’s the formula for NOT keeping a joyful, sunny outlook day in and day out. It seems that when we don’t challenge ourselves, we feel less connected, less part of something bigger than ourselves, and less passionate – all factors in unhappiness.
 
8.         Comparing ourselves to others
Buddha said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and I definitely can’t put it any better than that. But most of us still do it, especially in this era of social media, television and advertisements, and the Keep-Up-With-The-Jones’ mentality. 
 
9.         Valuing things over memories and experiences
If you’re constantly focused on acquiring STUFF (no matter how nice that stuff may be!) over the more intangible goals of making lasting memories and enjoying experiences (especially with others), then your happiness will take a hit. 
 
10.       Not being appreciated/treated fairly at work
You may think that too much work (or having a job at all!) is the cause of your dissatisfaction, but that’s not the case. In fact, research proves that even with a heavy workload, it’s feeling underappreciated, treated unfairly, and undervalued by your employer that will sink your morale.  
 
11.       Not coping with our shame or guilt
They say that depression is anger turned inwards, and, likewise, when we carry guilt and shame about something we've done and don't come to terms with it and forgive ourselves, our daily joy will be impacted.
 
12.       Self-medicating
Whether it's bad food, alcohol and drugs, painkillers, porn, or even addiction to work, we're self-medicating like never before – but not facing the cause of our unrest. In fact, Brene Brown put it best when he said, “The USA is the most medicated, in debt, addicted and obese nation in the world.” 
 
13.       Lack of sleep
Sleep science is an emerging field, as new research shows that our lack of sleep, restlessness due to overuse of electronics, and even sleep apnea are making us more prone to depression and high anxiety levels than ever before. It's hard to feel consistently happy when you're exhausted, burnt-out, and lacking energy.
 
14.       Caring what others think
All the way back in the 1930s in his book, Conquest of Happiness, author and introspective icon Bertrand Russell identified "fear of public opinion" as a major cause of unhappiness. Now, think about how dangerous our current snake pit of social media and online opinions is to our mental health!
 
15.       Not being close to siblings
This is one that I didn’t expect at all – the early connection with siblings. In fact, research from the American Journal of Psychiatry has shown that when we grow up without close relationships and bonds with our brothers or sisters, our risk of depression and unhappiness goes way up later in life.

16. Giving in to our fears.
Everyone is scared of something – or a lot of somethings – to varying degrees. But the good news is that the secret to happiness isn’t that we necessarily need to CONQUER those fears, we just can’t give up trying to face them. Try to confront your fears head-on and do a little better each day, and you’re already winning!
 
17. Not giving, volunteering, and contributing.
Studies show that our levels of satisfaction peak when we're giving – not receiving. In fact, those who volunteer, donate, or get involved with helping others regularly have been proven to live longer, stay healthier, and enjoy much higher levels of happiness! 
 
18. Our favorite TV series ending?!
Seriously? Yup! We actually get down in the dumps when our favorite TV show or, now, Netflix series, ends. According to Emily Moyer-Guse, Ph.D., people form a ''parasocial relationship" with their favorite ongoing TV programs, and feel "distress" when they end. That backs up something called the "Avatar Effect" that was observed in viewers after the 2010 movie (because the utopian planet wasn't real) and the increase in depression among Harry Potter fans when the franchise ended in 2011.
 
19. Not being in the moment.
We think, analyze, scrutinize, anticipate, and plan for the future, or remember, relive, memorialize, or exaggerate the past. However, the modern person seems to have forgotten how to be awake, aware, and present right now!
 
20. Not being a part of something bigger than ourselves.
Researchers have identified areas called "Blue Zones" across the world, pockets where people typically live to 100 years with an excellent quality of life. They've studied the similarities in these Blue Zones, which include staying active, a specific diet, etc. But those variables also always include being part of a bigger community or movement, as human beings fundamentally need something bigger than ourselves to be happy.
 
21. Flat-out boredom.
Work. Pay bills. Home. Errands. Gym. Eat. Watch TV. Sleep. Repeat. The typical modern person is stuck on autopilot. While we're also more comfortable than ever, we don't have enough of the other things on this list to break us out of our boring routines.
 
22. Coveting what others have.
We WANT more than ever, and it's making us miserable. If you want to be happy, practice GRATITUDE every day instead of WANTING that car, house, job, vacation, more money, a better body, or the perfect relationship. 
 
23. Facebook and social media (again).
Are you starting to see a common theme? Researchers have identified something called the "Compare and Despair Effect," in which feelings of jealousy, suspicion, and discontent in their relationships increases as they spend more time on Facebook. Likewise, a study by University of Michigan psychologist Ethan Kross discovered a correlation between time spent on Facebook and feelings of dissatisfaction, loneliness, and isolation in participants. 
 
24. Too much freedom of choice?!
Human beings value their freedom above all else, but only within the last generation or two in human history have we run into an unprecedented phenomenon -  too much choice. Believe it or not, having the luxury of unending choices and decisions can actually sink the psyche. Consider two research projects published by the Stanford University's Department of Psychology and Colombia University, which discovered that too much freedom of choice makes us feel “bewildered,” misguided, disconnected, and even depressed.
 
25. Junk food and an unhealthy diet.
The average American is now fatter, unhealthier, and more diseased than ever, and our diet is the leading cause part of that problem. But more than just physical manifestations, a poor diet is also linked to stress, depression, anxiety, anger, and even mental illness, as documented in studies by the Public Health Nutrition journal. In fact, they found that people who regularly eat commercial fast food (hamburgers, hotdogs, soda, doughnuts and pizza) were 51% more likely to develop depression, compared to those who eat little or none. If you want to feel happy, eat a clean, healthy diet! 
 
26. Living in high altitude?!
I didn’t expect to read about this one! But studies have shown that when human beings start living higher up (2-3,000 feet and higher), their rate of suicide increases. Dr. Barry E. Brenner explains that "The correlation is very, very, very high, and it happens in every single region of the US."
 Based on two decades of mortality data collected from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, they found that hypoxia, a lack of oxygen to the body's cells and tissues that occurs at higher altitudes, may cause profound mood disturbances, often leading to suicide.
 
27. Not socializing.
In his 2011 bestselling book, Positive Psychology, New York Times columnist David Brooks highlights research that sometimes, it’s the simple things that keep us happy. In fact, he shares data that “the daily activities most closely associated with happiness are social,” such as “socializing after work” and “having dinner with friends.” So, if you want to be happy, go hang out with your friends and coworkers!
 
28. Technology over interaction
It's apparent that we're slaves to our smartphones and screens, but that practice is also pulling us away from something that is fundamental to happiness: human interaction. In fact, the father of psychology, Sigmund Freud, anticipated the human isolation technology would cause way back with the advent of the telephone! In 1930, Freud wrote, "If there had been no railway to conquer distances, my child would never have left his native town and I should need no telephone to hear his voice.”
 
Much more recently, clinical psychologist and MIT professor Sherry Turkle writes in her 2011 book, Alone Together, that “online life tends to promote more superficial, emotionally lazy relationships, as people are drawn to relationships that seem low risk and always at hand.”
 
29. Lack of exercise
Want to feel better almost instantly? From a scientific standpoint, there is nothing better to boost the “happiness chemicals” in the brain, improve oxygen intake, lower stress, and brighten your mood than vigorous exercise. And you don’t have to hit to the gym to feel the benefit, as even some simple yoga, pushups and situps at home, or a brisk walk will do the trick!

 
-Norm  :-)
 
 
 
 
 


1 Comment

Your May 2018 Postcard from Norm: The best island in the world that no tourist can visit.

5/15/2018

9 Comments

 
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​It’s been named the best island in the world by the Travel + Leisure Magazine, CNN, the New York Times Travel, and many others, and the top island for tourism in the Philippines. Now, it’s shut down; closed to tourists and any visitors; an island quarantined from the outside world and guarded by the military; uniformed troops with machine guns patrolling its beaches.
 
Welcome to Boracay.

​The island has also been in the news lately, as the Philippines President, Rodrigo Duterte, upon a recent visit, called the once-pristine island "a cesspool." In an unprecedented move, he ordered it closed to all tourism until the island's environmental issues could be addressed. ​
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The problem? Basically, a couple million people a year create a lot of human waste, and the island has no sewage processing plants. So, everything ends up in the water system and flushed out to sea, where it's changed the ecosystem so much that a huge field of green algae plagues the shores of the island. Gross, right? ​

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So, as of April 26, 2018, the once-bustling Boracay is completely shut down for six months as they work to install a sewage system that will accommodate all of those tourists, among other environmental and infrastructure mandates.

Virtually overnight, the island went from an everyday population of around 50,000 people to only several hundred. It's a surreal situation, leaving people scrambling to figure out if they could stay, had to go, or how they could make a living.

​ 
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According to the Philippines government, long-time residents, property owners, and business owners could stay, as could employees of those businesses. They could also keep their hotels, bars, restaurants, and shops open for business… except now that there would be no tourists walking the sandy shores or spending money. All tourists – both foreigners and Filipinos – are banned from the island, with armed troops, police, and coast guard patrolling the beaches, roads, and seaport.
​
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The before and after photos are shocking, as you can see what Boracay looked like only one year ago (at the popular Laboracay festival) compared to now.

​What's lost in the international headlines and local political debate is the plight of the 26,000 people who live and work there, as well as many more who commute there by ferry every day to work. In fact, nearly the entire populace of the island – and the province of Aklan on the neighboring island – make their living off of tourism. 

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Now, only one month into the six-month closure, they're already suffering, keeping their kids out of school because they can't afford tuition and uniforms, trying to sell everything they own except the shirts on their backs, and, in many cases, going hungry.
 
I’ve had a long and notable relationship with the island and its people, which I'll recap in this postcard.

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​1999
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I first stepped foot on the sands of Boracay in 1999, another impromptu stop on a trip backpacking around the world with my good American buddy, Phil. The island still had very few tourists on it, as I remember just a smattering of guest houses and nipa huts in the middle of the jungle. While the beach was spotless and beautiful, it was still wild, and the small number of foreigners tended to be German guys there to engage the surprising number of Filipino transvestites. Yes, you read that right. There were even signs to attract "Third Sex" patrons at beauty parlors and other businesses.  
 
While I didn’t partake in that local tradition, I did do a whole lot of swimming. I was coming off running (or attempting to run) a marathon in the nearby city of Cebu, and my feet were so tore-up and bloody from wearing new sneakers that I could barely walk, limping around the sand path for the week we were there.
 
What does silver screen starlet Liz Taylor have to do with Boracay? Learn more about the history of the island here.
 
But I could still swim, and did so for an hour every morning and afternoon, dodging the small local Barka fishing boats while watching the most beautiful sunsets I’d ever seen. 
 
That was Boracay, and I gave it little thought after we left for the next exciting destination.

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​2013
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I came back to Boracay in 2013, 14 years after I first visited. Having just moved to Asia six months prior, I wanted to try life in the Philippines as an expat instead of my former stop, Vietnam. So, I came back to Boracay and lived there for several months.
 
Already, it was unrecognizable. That little sand path gave way to a larger sand lane that spanned the whole 3-mile beach front. Those small guest houses and huts were now modern resorts, shops, and restaurants. 
 
But it hadn't lost what made it unique – the perfect white sand beach like talcum powder running through your hands. The beach and the shallow turquoise waters were pristine, and you couldn’t even find a bottle cap, cigarette butt, or plastic bag discarded anywhere. 
 
The people living there were still locals, too, and there was a sense of community and family among the island’s inhabitants. While there were a lot of tourists already, I had no idea how much it would grow in the future – or what was coming next.

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​Typhoon Yolanda hits Boracay.
 
On November 8, 2013, Typhoon Yolanda (international name: Haiyan) slammed into the Philippines, killing tens of thousands and burying parts of whole coastal cities in water. With wind gusts up to 278 km/h (235 mph) and 10 meter (30 foot) sea swells, it was considered the strongest typhoon in recorded history ever to make landfall. Yolanda was heading right for the isolated and unprotected island of Boracay, too. 
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I was still living on Boracay at the time, and news of the coming storm gained my attention a few days out, when locals started boarding up their windows, long lines formed for supplies at the local stores, and the impending typhoon made every headline.
 
I tried to evacuate to the neighboring mainland along with thousands of other stranded tourists and locals. But we were turned away since the Coast Guard shut down all boat traffic off the island 48 hours before the typhoon.  
 
Looking around the island, it registered that we'd all be underwater if those sea swells did come. Resigned that I might be facing my demise, I stocked up on supplies, too, said my goodbyes and headed down to a little bar on the beach to watch the storm come in until it grew unsafe.
 
Luckily, the heart of the typhoon blew just south of Boracay, so the island was spared the horrors that devastated Leyte, Samara, and Tacloban. 
 
I took some video and wrote blogs about the typhoon that went viral, earning me interviews with international media like CNN and more. 
 
Soon after, I was able to leave Boracay, and I eventually moved to Cambodia.

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​2015-2017 
 
The experience of being on Boracay for the typhoon and its aftermath was my inspiration as I wrote my most recent travel memoir, The Queens of Dragon Town.
 
After I moved away to Cambodia, I still managed to visit the Philippines once a year, including Boracay. I enjoyed checking in on old friends who live there (Mox, Hayden, Anthony, Marix, etc.) and introducing new buddies to the island (Scotty Powell, Judd Reid). 
 
But the island that used to be wild and pristine was now overrun with tourists. In fact, last year, more than 2 million tourists came to Boracay, including 375,000 Chinese and 356,000 South Koreans, who have a reputation for being loud, rude, littering, treating locals poorly, and doing just about everything they could to denigrate the environment.
 
However, all of those tourists did bring in more than 56 Billion Pesos in revenue, so the island was now a turnstile of commercialism – and the beach and the water suffered, growing noticeably more spoiled and polluted every time I visited. 
 
I still soaked up the sun and wallowed in the waves for a few days but, longing for the Boracay of yesteryear, I started researching the culture and history of the island, too. To learn a little bit about what I discovered, check out these 50 facts about Boracay.
 
This year, I’m living not so far off in Dumaguete, but had no intention of returning to Boracay until…

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June/July/August? 2018
 
My bond with Boracay just took an unexpected turn. 

Even as the island is sealed off to tourism, they are allowing a small number of media to visit, documenting the story of its closure and environmental rehabilitation. Today, I received an email that my request for a media credential was approved by the Department of Tourism. 

As a hobby, I write a weekly column for the humble hometown paper here in Dumaguete, the Metro Post. Evidently, that was enough for them to grant me a media pass to visit the island – one of a handful of non-Filipinos who will be allowed on Boracay over the next few months (together with representatives from the BBC, the Philippines Information Agency, and others).​

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I’ve been instructed to fly to Makati (the business center of the capital city, Manila) to pick up my press pass ASAP, and then make arrangements to go stay there, where only a few businesses, hotels, and restaurants are still open, I hear.
 
I’ve enlisted my dear, old friend, Hayden, who is an accomplished and trusted tour guide there, to help me arrange interviews with locals, business owners, and government officials. 
 
What will I see when I get there? What stores does Boracay have to tell? What will the future hold for the world’s best island, which was a victim of its own popularity? 
 
I look forward to finding out – and sharing those answers with you.

-Norm  :-)

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    Norm Schriever

    Norm Schriever is a best-selling author, expat, cultural mad scientist, and enemy of the comfort zone. He travels the globe, telling the stories of the people he finds, and hopes to make the world a little bit better place with his words.   

    Norm is a professional blogger, digital marketer for smart brands around the world,  and writes for the Huffington Post, Hotels.com, and others.

    Check out South of Normal his Amazon.com best-selling book about life as an expat in Tamarindo, Costa Rica.

    Cambodia's School of Hope explores education and empowerment in impoverished Cambodia, with 100% of sales going to that school.

    The Book Marketing Bible provides 99 essential strategies for authors and marketers.

    Pushups in the Prayer Room, is a wild, irreverent memoir about a year backpacking around the world.  

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