2. She says ‘Namaste,’ every time you cough, sneeze, fart, orgasm, or choke on a pizza crust.
3. Coconut oil is used liberally in the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and garage.
4. There are items in her shower caddy you never knew existed.
5. You celebrate Buddha’s birthday.
6. When you told her you want to buy a GTO she said she won’t tolerate genetically modified food in her household.
7. She wants you to humanely capture mosquitos and gently reintroduce them into their natural habitat.
8. Your condoms are organic.
9. You have no idea why you own furniture because she always sits on the floor.
11. Her favorite planet is Uranus.
12. When you disagree with her, you’re, “Not on the same plane of consciousness.”
13. If you don’t take off your shoes at the door, she’ll get ‘all Warrior One,’ on you.
14. She refuses to be part of the capitalist industrial structure that perpetuates class inequality and exploits indigenous and non-European populations. Right after she drinks this one last Starbucks.
15. Speaking of which, her Starbucks order takes 13.5 minutes to recite.
16. She gets road rage headed to the farmers market on her beach cruiser.
17. If you substitute the word, ‘masturbate’ every time she says, ‘meditate,” you’ll laugh all day.
18. If she gets fired from her well-paying job, she blames the universe.
19. If there’s a beach with a sunset or a stand-up-paddle-board within 147 miles, she’ll find it for a photo op.
20. Sriracha sauce is an appropriate gift for any occasion.
21. If she owes someone money, all of a sudden their energy is suddenly out sync.
22. She calls a break-up an, “Intimacy transition ceremony.”
23. She has a guy “friend” who’s in ridiculously good shape, wears ridiculously tight pants, and has a ponytail.
24. Her spirit animal is a baby elephant or a silver dolphin (never a hedgehog.)
25. Her credit score is on a cosmic journey with no beginning and no end.
26. She uses 47 #hashtags after posting each photo on Instagram.
27. She doesn’t like your best friend’s aura when he takes you out drinking.
28. You bury your McDonalds wrappers deep in the trash just to avoid arguments.
29. When she gets drunk she jumps up on the bar and starts doing yoga poses.
30. You know 3 famous sitar players by name.
31. You get a poop report every morning.
33. Your pizza has tofu and soy toppings instead of pepperoni and sausage.
34. When she busts out downward dog during the TV commercial breaks, it always turns into passionate lovemaking.
35. She’s understanding, beautiful, caring, loving, sweet, accepting, and there’s never a dull moment. Basically, she’s awesome and makes you a better man and you’re lucky to have her.