As a writer, it’s healthy to lose that image of yourself as a special prodigy who can summon other-worldly prose from the ether.  Instead, think of yourself a blacksmith.  You grab those words hot out of the fire and pin them to your work station, hammering mercilessly with all of the sweat and muscle you can muster, so you might just forge them into something useful.  

How important is rewriting?  Neil Simon, maybe the most prolific American playwright and screenwriter, penned over 60 successful works in his career, winning him more Tony and Oscar nominations than any other writer.  In 1998 he released a memoir of his life and career.  What do you think he called it? Rewrites. 

To be a good writer, you’ll have to edit with ruthless abandon.  Put your words into the coliseum and let them fight it out to see who is victorious.  They are the gladiators and the lions - let them wrestle in the dust for survival.  You’ve done so much already by giving them a life on the page, but that’s your only responsibility; from there they need to exist on their own merit.  

Here are 5 more tips to rewrite well:

11. The 10% Rule.

I learned from Stephen King, in his awesome book, On Writing, (a must read) that my goal is to clip 10% of my content every time I go through it.  Wait, does that mean if I went through 10 times there would be nothing left?  Obviously I’m a writer, not a math major.  


12. Reread with an agenda in mind.

Every time I proofread I have an agenda in mind.  One time it’s to focus on dialogue, the next time on characters, then action, etc.  Of course you catch other things along the way, but it’s a little overwhelming trying to polish the whole manuscript at once without a specific focus.


13. No humor is better than mediocre humor.  

86% of the population thinks they are funny, but only 127 people actually are.  There’s really no such thing as “mediocre humor” – it’s an oxymoron.  It’s either funny, or it’s not.  Likewise, if you are funny, you can study and work your ass off to create funny writing, but if you are not funny, none of that will help. Reading badly written humor leaves a taste in your mouth like chewing on a towel at a public pool, so understand your strengths and weaknesses.


14. Pay attention to the passive vs. the active voice.

Strong writing is written in the active voice, no matter what tense you are using.  You’ll slip with a lot of these, but catch them as you proofread. 

I was going to the store to meet her. (passive)

I went to the store to meet her.  (active)


15. Show, don’t tell. 

This is the Holy Grail of writing advice, which you’ll hear so many times from ‘experienced’ writers, as they look down their long, aquiline noses at you and apply hand sanitizer liberally after shaking.  I’ve had plenty of people tell me to “show, don’t tell,” but almost no one ever told me HOW to do that, because, of course, they don’t know either.  

It’s simple – follow this checklist when you have something you want to convey to the reader, in order of effectiveness.

First: Can I reveal it in Dialogue?

Second: Can I reveal it by showing the character doing something?  With Action, that would show well in a movie?

Last Resort: I, the writer, tell the reader in my Narrative voice.  

So… if I’m trying to say that a female character is sad because her boyfriend broke up with her, I can do it these three ways:

Narrative: She was sad that he broke up with her.  (sucks)

Action:  She saw a couple walking into the movie theater holding hands, and looked down at the ground.  (not bad!)

Dialogue:  “Sundays mornings are always the hardest,” she said.  (sniff sniff, I’m reaching for Kleenex)


Does that help?  I hope so.  What other rewriting advice do I have for you?  

Have fun.  Knowing that you’ll polish everything later frees you up to let go and write from your subconscious, not your rigid, outcome-obsessed brain.  Let it fly.  Get in the zone.  Write through the crap, because it takes sorting through a lot of coal to get to a diamond.

And take notes.  Keep a Word document open as a “slush file” while you write.  Use it like a clipboard to store new ideas, a style sheet for names, sayings, dialogue quirks, what you’ve covered, outlines.  Also clip and paste everything that you take out, so you might be able to use it somewhere else later on.  You’ll be amazed what comes out of that slush file – including ideas for later projects, like maybe a book about rewriting?  Hmmmm….

You won’t feel so bad about putting your words in the arena to get slaughtered if you know they might live to fight another day.  

Drop me a line some time to share your writing tips and experiences with the pen and the page:  [email protected]

Read Part 1 of this blog.

One of my biggest thrills is getting an email from an aspiring writer, who asks for advice on how to start their first book. Some of them are bright eyed and optimistic, some seasoned and cautious, but whether they’re penning a business book or the next great teen-zombie-thriller, there’s one question they all have in common:  

Where the hell do I begin? 

Great question! 

The process of writing a book, and then sharing it with the world, can feel so overwhelming that it may drive you to drink (as if writers don’t drink enough already). Even a simple Google search about ‘writing a book’ will bury you in an avalanche of information, at times so diluted, confusing, and contradictory, that it’s kept many a talented writer from getting started.

Of course, you can begin like I did – wasting time on Facebook and calling it “marketing”, daydreaming about groupies (who never appeared) and choosing actors for when Hollywood called about the book (which never happened). But might I recommend a better way?

I truly love coaching brand new writers, doing my best to simplify and clarify the process for them while encouraging them to take the first step, so this is how I respond to their inquiries:

Here are three questions to ask yourself BEFORE you start writing your first book:

1) What are you trying to achieve with this book?  
What are your goals with this book? Your expectations? Is it to sell a certain number of copies? (The average self-published book sells about 250 copies!)  Do you want to make a specific amount of money? Or is it to get great reviews, have as many people as possible read it, and entertain them? If you are planning on quitting your day job and pouring yourself into writing 100% then your goals will be much different than if it’s just a passion project. I do a lot of ghost writing for entrepreneurs and business people who want to put out a book as a way to establish themselves as an industry expert and engage new clients, not necessarily contribute to the field of literature, so obviously their goals are different. Furthermore, are you planning on starting a series of books or are you one and done? Will you be doing speaking engagements? Workshops? Are you trying to get your name in media?  

There is no “right” answer to this question, but knowing what you hope to ultimately achieve will help you focus on reaching that outcome as you write.  


2) How is YOUR book going to be different than every other book out there?  

Right after I released my first book, Pushups in the Prayer Room, a friend of mine, a media-savy gal who is a producer for the Amazing Race and Survivor, was giving me some advice. She asked me the ultimate question: “Why should the reader care about your book? How is YOUR’S different?!”  

I was tongue-tied, taken aback, and a little bit offended for about five minutes, until I realized that she was right, and that was the best question any writer could ask.  

With almost 300,000 new books in print every year and 7 million books in existence, it's a VERY crowded market. To have a snowball’s chance in hell of competing you have to have some specific niche, remarkable story, or unique proposition that clearly separates you from the hundreds of thousands of others in your genre. Unless you have something DIFFERENT, BETTER, or MORE VALUABLE to say, you’re just being redundant and creating noise. 

I’ve written a lot about constructing your book so it will find its target market as efficiently as possible.Email me and I'll be happy to send you a case study on target marketing for book sales. 


3. When a reader puts down your book, what do you want them to say?  

Picture this: a wife and husband are lying in bed, reading. She finished your book, closes it, takes off her reading glasses, turns to her husband and says….?

You have some control over what happens next. I’m not just talking about her assessment of the book’s quality, which is subjective, but what specific message she conveys to him. And then again on Facebook to her friend the next day, and he might tell his coworker about it, who tells his wife, who is in a reading group, and…etc. That is how books get sold – recognition and then word of mouth (or social media) sales based on a clear, concise “advertisement.”

Have you ever heard of an ‘elevator commercial’ in business, the 30-second script you would use to describe who you are, what you do, and why someone should remember you? The whole story of your book, even if it’s 500 pages, should fit neatly into a brief pitch line similar to an elevator commercial.

For my new book, South of Normal, my written pitch is: “A gonzo blast of laughter and adventure about a year living in the tropical paradise of Tamarindo, Costa Rica.”  But of course no one would ever say that. They’ll probably say “It’s about a guy who got rid of all of his stuff and left his life in the U.S. and moved down to Costa Rica, to live by the beach and chase his dream of being a writer,” or something like that. All the high points are covered, and it’s easy for people to pick that up and pass it around.

***

Start with those three questions before you roll up your sleeves and write your book in earnest. You’ll be laying the tracks that lead exactly where you want to go, and then all you have to do is run the train down ‘em!

Norm :-)

Story Structure

All stories follow a three-part structure: the beginning, middle, and the end.  That may seem simple, but they each part requires different elements of the story at different times in order for it to work right.  When this is done well in a book or a movie you, the audience, don’t even notice.  But when something is out of place, it just feels wrong, and the whole story is uncomfortable or even objectionable.

There are several ways to explain these three parts:

1. Beginning - setup.
 All man characters and their situation are explained and a problem is introduced, which spurs the story on.

2. Middle – conflict. 
The bulk of the story, starting with an inciting incident, or catalyst, that begins the character on a quest for something. This is where characters face the majority of their struggles and develop as a result, called the character arc.

3. End – resolution.
The problem, conflict, and struggle all come to a boiling point and explode. The characters are forced to deal with it and make choices how to overcome and move on.

Another way to describe it:

1. Beginning – character gets lost. 

2. Middle - character struggles to find their way.

3. End – character reaches a conclusion, either finding their way and getting what they want, or failing.

Or…

1. Beginning – background and inciting incident and outcome of experiencing that.

2. Middle – escalation of conflict and struggle.

3. End – climactic conclusion, and ease down.

So every story is just a quest for SOMETHING or maybe more than one something, literal and/ or metaphorical. In the first act we get to know the character and like them (very important).  We find out what they want more than anything in the world, clarified by an inciting incident, and then either deny them that or take it away.  

It can be further broken down because along the way there are a handful of“Tent Pole Moments” that hold up the story.  They are high points where we check in with the character and revisit the structure of their basic quest, so we know the story is on track.  Think of them as big mile markers in a marathon, where we can clearly track emotional growth/change/learning of the main character. 

Those mile markers are sometimes described in eight parts.  Note: do not write INTO those eight parts or it will be too formulaic, write your story and THEN lay the translucent map of these eight points over your story to see how well it’s structured, and make changes as needed or to divert it back on track: 

1. Stasis
2. Trigger
3. The quest
4. Surprise
5. Critical choice
6. Climax
7. Reversal
8. Resolution

Stasis
A description of the everyday life and the world in which the story will take place. 

Trigger
Something major happens to the main character spark the story.  

The Quest
The trigger results in a quest.  It could be a quest to return to status quo because something bad happened or was taken away, or a quest for some great and wonderful achievement, or a quest for inner happiness, etc. 

Surprise
This takes up most of Part 2 – the middle of the story, and holds the series of struggles, disappointments, obstacles, and derailments from that quest. These obstacles shouldn’t be too predictable nor too random.  A reader should feel something is coming, but then be surprised by how/what happens.

Critical choice
Throughout the Middle the tension rises until something has to give, and the story explodes from the pressure.  As that build up occurs, the main character scrambles around to keep up and stay on their quest, but eventually they are overwhelmed and need to make a critical choice.  They have to decide what actions to take in the midst of that out of control rock bottom explosion, and that choice reveals more about their character and personality and desire than anything else in the book.  It doesn’t have to be perfect – just authentic.   

Climax
Due to the critical choice the character made, all of the conflict and struggle from the quest comes to a climax.  This is the peak of tension in the story. 

Reversal
The character has made their choice and the story has already exploded, and now we see how it all falls to earth.  Something happens because of that choice, and this shows the emotional growth and change in the main character.  The story reversal needs to be inevitable and probable.    

Resolution
The resolution (also called dénouement) is just the wind-down into normal, regular life again, but a new statis that is different than before because of everything that has happened and how the character changed.  

Other notes on structure:

Think of your story as a stew of ingredients that you want to stir every once and a while to keep them from burning.

So as you write, mix up (in order of priority): 

1) Action
2) Dialogue (including inner dialogue)
3) Narrative 

For instance, if you have a long portion of dialogue, have the characters take off their coat and sit down in the middle (example) to break it up with some action.  Or if you’re going through a portion of narrative when you (the omniscient writer) are thinking about your life and explaining, break it up with a line of dialogue from someone around you.  

What else?

-Mix between scene and summary – like a movie camera zooms in and slows down, but then pans out and shows the big picture.

-Control the pace of your story.

-Keep building tension.

-Sprinkle it with flashbacks to connect us with the touchstone of the character’s essentials.

***
I hope that helps!  Put the right ingredients into the pot at the right time and keep stirring the stew and your writing will feel well balanced and keep moving for the reader, and never burn!

Happy writing, and drop me an email to say hi and tell me about your story!

Norm :-)

Have you written a book and you want to adapt it to a screenplay?  There are a lot of commonalities to telling a good story, but other than that it's a completely different animal.  Let me walk you through some movie-making basics that aren't too technical.  

I’m going to start by giving you the secret to any good movie script: compelling characters.  Does that sound vaguely familiar to you authors?    

1. Characters:

When choosing our HERO (protagonist) we want to fit one of these two molds:

1. An ordinary person faced with extraordinary circumstances (Andy Dufrain in Shawshank Redemption)
2. An extraordinary person faced with fitting in and adapting to the regular world (Superman)

-Great characters are well fleshed out.  Flaws and weaknesses are even more important than strengths, because more than anything we want the move viewer to LOVE and FEEL for the hero.  They want to see some of themselves in him/her, and that empathy is crucial.  

-Whenever I’m writing a story I go through character profiles, pages of pages of a profile of every aspect of the character’s life, including secrets they’ve never told anyone, dreams, ambitions, what scares them. And what they’ve done when faced with moral conundrums.  For instance, one question I ask of my characters is:  If you found a wallet on the street with $100 in it what would you do? You can never have too much backstory and fleshing to your characters even though you may not use 95% of it in the movie.   

-Good characters need to be REAL and RELATABLE, not perfect.  People will recognize the fears, struggles, and shortcomings in your heroes.  They will love that they're struggling forward to be great, not that they are great.  Think about Tyler Durden in Fight Club!   

Here's why:

2. Conflict:

Every screenplay follows a simple formula – the main character either: 

1) wants something, or 
2) has something taken away and then wants it back.  

From there they go on a quest to get whatever it is they want.  But there are many obstacles in the way, including the greatest opponent, the VILLIAN, who has an equal vested interest in them NOT getting what they want.  The HERO plods forward to overcome those obstacles and wrestles with the VILLIAN and finally achieves their quest.  

But they learn something along the way.  There has to be an emotional and/or mental change to the HERO along the way, sometimes called the Character Arc.    

Once we have an amazing, living, breathing character with a clear vision of what he wants, we just roll out the obstacles and the conflicts and watch how he deals with them.  For instance, recall the wild, rapid-fire conflicts in The Hangover with the clear quest to get their friend back and get him to his wedding on time.

3. Format:

Every screenplay should follow the simple (yet sometimes forgotten) pattern of having a clear 1) beginning, 2) middle, and 3) end.  Most stories lag in the middle for several reasons, including that you haven’t set a good foundation of character yet.

-Beginning:

We need to establish immediately, within the first 10 pages or less, who the character is and what it is they want, and what is in their way.  We need to know what the stakes are and what critical choices he will have to make. 

We will start with an incident or scene that will hook readers, throwing them right into the action, and have them asking questions and begging for resolution.  It’s okay to start chronologically out of sequence and then fill in parts of the story with flashback or other methods.

-Middle:

Every single line written in a screenplay has to do one of two things:  

1) reveal and develop characters, or 
2) move the action along.  

There can be zero fat on the bone in a  movie script - If we show a gun over the mantel in the first scene someone better fire it in by the end of the movie!  When writing a screenplay remember that your book's exposition or internal monologue won't translate well to the screen.

Basically the whole middle plot follows the action lines of the hero chasing what they want and dealing with the villain and all of the obstacles.  It’s essential that we build tension throughout, until it’s ready to explode and the movie watchers are begging for a resolution/conclusion.

There are several ways to do that.  We need to know that the stakes are high.  If the main character is just going to lose a lot of money if they are not successful, we might not be as emotionally invested as if the main character’s girlfriend will be killed if he isn’t successful.  The stakes need to be very high, and clear to the viewer.  In fact sometimes the character doesn’t even realize the stakes, and that keeps us on the edge of our seats!  

Another great way to build tension is putting the hero’s quest up against a ticking clock.  If the bomb is going to explode, the world is going to end, the missiles are going to be fired, the forest ruined, or the girlfriend killed if he doesn’t stop it within 24 hours, there’s a lot more hustle and tension to the plot!

-Ending:

Everyone in the theater knows the movie is going to end soon.  The resolution is coming.   They’re waiting for that tension to be relieved.  We’ll give it to them right on time; HOWEVER there will be a twist.  Whatever clues we’ve left threw them off the scent, and the story is concluded and the hero successful in a completely unanticipated way.  The twist, or surprise ending, is so important to keep the viewer engaged and guessing throughout the whole third act.  The ending to   

Everything needs to be wrapped up cleanly, but not necessarily simply or conveniently.  There will be one or two subplots (like the hero’s relationship with his love interest) which will all come together, too.  It’s all about synthesis.  The surprise twist at the end of The Usual Suspects still blows my mind!    

4. Who is our target audience?  This is SO important, and every agent and studio exec will immediately ask this question.  We will write a detailed profile of our target audience, why they will want to see this move and love it, and what other movies are similar had success. 

-There are Four Quadrants to the audience – young men, older men, young woman, and older woman.  We want to try to capture as many as possible for a blockbuster, without spreading ourselves too thin.  The all-time great movies like Titanic and Avatar appealed to all four of those quadrants.   

5. Plot.  We need to identify whether the script is plot-driven or character-driven.  Most agents will look to sell character-driven stories, but of course a good character who reacts to the action that is thrown his way is a bonus.  

6. Length.  Most movie scripts are around 100 pages, which will be 90 minutes +, and you definitely don't want to go over 110 pages.  

7. Film is all about action, movement, and contrast.  We can write only what is filmable, with strong visual potential.

8. Think merchandise.  Action figures, video games, etc. make almost as much money as any successful movie.  That is one of the key components in building a successful brand with some longevity.

9. It's all about sequels.  The studios love to give money to a sure thing, and if the movie has a certain measurable modicum of success they won’t be afraid to go for #2 and #3.

10. Genre. Determine what genre of film we want this to be:

Futuristic sci-fi?  Action hero movie?  Fantasy?  

The audience will let you do anything you want on screen and believe it and love it IF you follow the predictable patterns of the common genres. There are very specific guidelines, subplots, and milestones to stick to inherent with each genre.   

11. Where to start?  I like to start with a LOGLINE, which is like our elevator commercial – the whole movie concept summarized in a few lines that an agent can read or hear in ten seconds.  From there we can build a blockbuster, one well-placed brick at a time.

*** 

Does that help?  Drop me a line if you want to share your movie idea or if you need someone to adapt your book into a screenplay so you can shop it around Hollywood and come up with the next summer's blockbuster!  

Norm  :-)

First off, let me correct that title.  It should read: Confessions of an Amazon.com Best-Selling d-bag book marketer.  That’s because, as of 8:14 am EST on April 26, 2013 AD, the year of our Lord, I joined the ranks of Amazon’s best selling authors.  

I know what you’re thinking: “Who gives a flying shiznitt?”  And I totally agree, but please grant me two seconds anyway, so I might be able to provide you insight into the highly suspect nature of best seller lists.

You see, I love writing, and I love sharing that writing with you.  And on the rare occasion that you, the reader, remark that you actually enjoyed my words (whether out of generosity or intoxication, I couldn’t care less) it just sends me to the moon.  But I hate trying to sell books.  In a perfect world I could just live in a hut on a tropical beach halfway across the world and write my heart out and the books would sell themselves.  But, alas, I find myself required to participate in polite society from time to time, like everyone else.  Sighhhhh. 

Certainly, I’m not alone: there are over 300,00 books published every year, all clamoring to be sold!  That’s a lot of hungry authors yelling at the top of their lungs (on the internet) for you to buy their book.  Me, me me!  After a while it gets so loud and cluttered that it sort of cancels itself out, giving the general public a big, dull headache. 

Don’t get me wrong, I believe my book is damn entertaining and worth a read, but I resist becoming a part of that club.  At least once a week I vow never ever ever to become yet another d-bag book marketer…but that lasts about thirteen minutes and then do it anyway, subjecting myself to the industry’s recommended solicitations: wasting time on Facebook and calling it a social media campaign, begging semi-famous people for a shout-out, pandering to appear on B-List radio shows with plastic plants in their studios, and kissing the ass of some social misfit just because they have a magical thing called a “blog.”  

As an Indie author (which really means ‘self-published’ but we say ‘Indie’ because it sounds WAY cooler, like we’re SO artsy we have no use for abstracts like success and money,) I’m required to work the big room, über-conscious of marketing, promoting, publicizing, advertising, and, ultimately, selling my humble work.  It’s not out of greed – in fact it takes a LOT of book sales just to break even on my costs or to make a little money.  Most authors make more money off of speaking engagements, coaching, ghost writing, or selling you their marketing program than they do off of book sales, and unless you’re one of the iconic few in the ivory tower of publishing (James Patterson, Stephen King, etc.) you probably haven’t quit your day job.

Now, I didn’t say I’m bad at it – I do okay, considering my marketing budget closely resembles a round, bread-like toasted breakfast item that’s covered in crème cheese.  But I truly despise it.  

Yet somehow, inexplicably, lightning struck a month after I released South of Normal (shameless plug) and it achieved Amazon.com’s best seller status.  But before you take out the pom poms and get all excited, (or call “bullshit,” as I probably would), let me explain how the whole thing works, and then maybe you’ll agree that best seller lists, super novas in the book marketing universe, are sort of…d-baggish.  

What is a best seller?

When people hear “best-seller” they assume we’re talking about the New York Time’s Best Sellers List, (NYT is officially the “best sellerS” list, while some spell it ‘best seller’) which is like making the Hall of Fame of writing.  But the New York Time’s list isn’t the only game in town – there are also best selling lists published by the American Booksellers Association, IndieBound, Barnes & Noble, Publishers Weekly, the Boston Globe, USA Today, Denver Post, Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, and Walmart.  

Yes, I’m serious, Walmart.  Imagine someone bragging: “I’m a Walmart best-selling author!”  That’s like saying you have the best teeth in West Virginia.  

No matter which list we’re talking, there are warts to this honor.  No one knows the exact algorithm they use to rank books but industry insiders understand which marketing activities are most beneficial to land their clients on the list.  For instance, the NYT list traditionally didn’t tally book sales but book orders, and to only a handful of brick-and-mortar bookstores.  So smart publicists focused their dollars on ensuring advanced orders to those specific stores, and voilà – their client was on the list.

Hell, it wasn’t even until last year that they started ranking eBooks.  Amanda Hocking sold over a million books but her book NEVER appeared on the NYT list!  However, Snooki’s fiction book, A Shore Thing, hit the list at #24 and, if you’re like me, you’d pay $14.95 NOT to hear what Snooki has to say.  Certainly we can agree that being list-worthy is no glaring indication of quality. 

Buying your way onto a list.

If that’s not watered-down enough, there are even ways to buy your way onto best selling lists.  Legitimate publicity firms will ensure your placement based on what you pay.  The formula is simple – pre-order enough of your own books from the right book stores (albeit at a discount) and you will rank high enough to show up on the list.  Then you can re-sell the books to recoup some of your costs.  To avoid transparency, the firms break up the orders into purchases from smaller corporate entities with different names.  It might cost you $50,000-$80,000 to get on the Wall Street Journal’s list, and triple that to be in the big-daddy NYT list. 

What about eBooks?

And then there are online eBook sales, through Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.com, and Smashwords.com, etc.  Both eBooks and Indie publishing have completely changed the landscape of publishing over the last five years, ensuring the democratization of literature like nothing since the Gutenberg press.  23% of all book sales in 2012 were eBooks, so Amazon and Kindle, who are tag-teaming a takeover of the whole English-speaking world (and doing a bloody fine job of it,) have their own best-seller lists. 

How do you become an Amazon best seller?

What does it take for an author to become an Amazon.com best seller?  There is no hard and fast rule, but I’ve heard authors generally call themselves a best seller if their book hits top ten in any category.  That was confirmed when I Googled “How many book sales do you need to call yourself a bestselling author at parties to get free drinks from rich people and attract attention from women who otherwise are way out of your league?”  Top ten, it is.  

Can you beat the system?

Does everyone play nice on Amazon?  Of course not.  A concentrated burst of sales and reviews is the fastest way to move up Amazon’s list, at which point they promote you themselves, so some authors pay for reviews.  John Locke, who set the record for the most eBook sales with Donovan’s Creed, admitted to paying for reviews!  He hired a firm to buy 15,000 of his own eBooks to “juice” sales and write favorable reviews, sky rocketing his exposure.  A lot of people in the industry aren’t too happy with that, but I give him credit for outplaying publishing’s innately crooked game.  Screw ‘em. 

Some authors price their eBooks at rock bottom, 99 cents, to promote volume, or even give away masses of books for free because, ultimately, a review is worth more to your exposure and future profit than the .35 cents you might pocket today.  Kindle is accommodating enough to set up your free giveaway and then independent internet sites will help you promote it on the web, charging you for the privilege.  So you end up paying to give your book away for free!  If that’s not counterintuitive to the spirit of commerce then I don’t know what is.  

The trick to ranking high on Amazon.com.

Amazon places books in general categories, like Romance, Biography, Science Fiction, etc., but with 7 million books in print they need distinctive subcategories, like “Civil War memoir,” and “Anything that has to do with zombies.”  They even have sub-sub categories, and it goes on and on.  When an author registers their book it behooves them to place it in the most specific category possible so they’ll face the least competition, and therefore have the best chance of rising in the ranks.  Make sense?  

When registering South of Normal on Amazon (alright, Norm, stop with the name dropping - we get it already) I first tried placing it in a sub-category where only nine books existed, so I’d automatically rank in the top ten.  But changed my mind because I don’t think a book about living in Costa Rica would do well in the only nine-book category I could find: 

Fantasy> Fables and Myths> Biography> Politics> Honest Republicans.  

Instead, I landed in:

Kindle Store> Kindle eBooks> Nonfiction> Travel> Specialty Travel> Adventure.  

Really?  Specialty travel?  What does that even mean, I’m “special” and I happened to travel, so I get my own category?  Books register in a few categories, so I also was a big hitter in:

Books> Humor & Entertainment> Love, Sex, & Marriage.

Wait, so you’re telling me that my book is considered a literary marital aid?  A discourse on intercourse?  Actually, that makes perfect sense, since I wrote about important topics like "Jungle Bush," tourists surprised by transvestite prostitutes, and how sand is definitely not a lubricant.  But we can all agree that I’ve never been accused of being humorous.      

Anyway, the book was released and I begged everyone I’ve known since 2nd grade to buy it and write a review on Amazon, including talking my own mother into writing one under a pseudonym (Pia.)  But I vowed not to get caught up in the whole ranking thing because I’m better than that…so I only checked the rankings first thing in the morning…and after meals…and every time I saw an article on Kim and Kanye, but I swear, that’s it.  

Remarkably, with a modest burst of Kindle sales and a few great reviews (some of them from REAL people other than my family members) South of Normal showed up on the Amazon rankings at #20 in its category, and then #17, and then, the next day, #13.  

I was moving up!  God bless America!  The system is obviously working if it rewards pen-wielding prodigies like yours truly!    

But then something horrible happened – I dropped back down to #15.  F ‘em!  Sons of beaches!  I won’t lower myself to this kind of degradation!  

You see folks, I’m not into superficial self promotion like best seller lists, and…wait, hold on…what’s that?  Holy duck dicks!  I checked again and it said my book was #5!  Five!  (That’s Roman Numeral V, for you keeping score at home.)  What does that mean?!  Something?  Nothing?  Probably something!  

The Tribe had spoken - I was an Amazon best-selling author.  Who the hell was I to question it?  I took a quick screenshot to record the milestone for posterity (and for those who called “bullshit”,) then took it from a better angle, then squeezed my head next to the screen to take a selfie.  I immediately updated Facebook and added the Amazon best seller graphic to my email signature, taking up roughly ¾ of the computer screen so it would be physiologically impossible for anyone but Stevie Wonder to miss it.

I kept checking the rankings to calculate when I’d overtake John Krakauer’s Into Thin Air, the legendary Everest tale that sat atop my category on Amazon, but I still lagged slightly - I only needed about 947,962 more sales to knock off Big John.  Instead, my book lingered in the top twenty for a few weeks, then eventually sunk into ranking obscurity.  But it was too late to take it back; I was officially a best seller, a brand I could narcissistically use for all time (and especially at parties.)  

But don’t worry…this super-duper impressive designation won’t go to my head one iota.  I’m not going to turn into yet another d-bag book marketer, wearing sunglasses indoors and saying “Let’s do lunch, babe.”  I’m still the same good ‘ol broke schlub you know and don't love, a humble blue collar man of the people.  So don’t feel like you need to refer to me as an Amazon best-selling author or anything…MISTER Amazon best selling author will do just fine!  Ha!  (Insert evil laugh here.)  

Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I’m headed to Walmart to sneak some more of my books onto the shelves.  Number one with a bullet, baby!

-Norm :-)

Envy McKee, media personality, celebrity of consciousness, and spiritual diva, has burst on the literary scene like a supernova with her new book, Among Us.  The good news is that this is just the first book in the Stellar Trilogy.  The bad news is we have to wait for the next two, because if the vibrant and fascinating world that McKee penned is any indication, we're in for a rocket ride through her universe, and the psyche of her main characters.  In an age when sci-fi books can tend to be stale or somewhat formulaic, I was ecstatic to dig into her prose and find a new world, a new story, and possibly even a new GENRE that she created with the warmth of your grandmother's front porch in July, not the cold and sometimes impersonal books we're used to.  So how did she come up with this world?  What was her inspiration?  What was her creative process like?  I had so many questions after putting Among Us down that I had to interview Ms. McKee and ask these ten questions:

1. Do you consider your story Scifi?  Have you always liked that genre?

I think The Stellar Trilogy is "other". For the sake of publishing, I had to call it something, so I called it Contemporary Fantasy Fiction. Believe, it was a process of deliberating just to put it in that narrow box, but it fits the best-- until "other" is actually an option.  While I've always been a huge fan of Sci-Fi and fantasy, I can't really call The Stellar Trilogy Sci-Fi because traditionally there's supposed to be science involved. There's some Quantum Physics and Science of Mind intermingled in the story, so sure, I could get away with calling it Sci-Fi and yet... The Stellar Trilogy is so much more than any box I could try to stuff it in. There is no box!!! 

2. How much of yourself and your own life do you see in the main character, or other characters and experiences?

Because Kai's story is about self-discovery and being "other"--there's that word again-- I see a lot of myself through Kai's lens and her experiences. I know what it's like to be deemed "grey matter". Not quite one thing or another, just kind of a fringe existence. What's been so cool is how so many people who've read the book see themselves in Kai too and relate to her experiences. I'm talking women AND men. I suppose it was instinct when I started off the "Dear Reader" commentary with "Kai is you." I think the essence of Kai is in us all. Kai means love by the way. To answer your question, there's a lot of me in Kai, but there's a lot of other people in her too. The other characters, to be honest, they aren't based on any people I know. They created themselves as supporting presence for Kai's journey. 

3. What is your creative process?  How do you come up with ideas?  When/where do you write?

Honestly, my creative process is really just S.M.A.D. (Sit My Ass Down). My brain is like a sieve. Once I sit down in front of my computer, the pictures in my head start and my job is simply to explain what I'm seeing. Then the characters start talking and I treat the experience like improv acting. In improv, every person in a scene has to commit to "yes". So that means if somebody does or says some crazy ish, everybody in that scene has to stay in character and go with it until the end of the scene. That is the literal process that happens in my head. I don't have an end game. I don't write notes or have outlines. My job as the vessel of the work is to take the ride, wherever it's going. It's never a dull moment because I never know where it's going. I knew how the story ended when it was over. Just like the reader.

I suppose my ideas come from that process, but it's been about self discovery for me as well. This is my first book. I can't say I have a formula yet. I keep a journal. I can say the idea for The Stellar Trilogy came about from a few pages of ideas I wrote in one of my journals.

I mentioned my brain is a sieve right? I write all the time. I'm always writing something, but not always what I sat down to write. I can say I work best either at a million o'clock at night on the deck with my laptop when my daughter is asleep or at my "creation studio"-- either way it's all about having no one around to judge me whilst I'm talking to all the people populating my head. LOL.

4. How is writing a book different (or the same) from the other media work you do?

Writing The Stellar Trilogy is not that much different than what I do in other forms of media in that it's a viable and tangible creative outlet for me. Everything I have done and do currently in media is about reframing the conversations we have with ourselves. The Stellar Trilogy fits this core value of mine perfectly. It's different in that it's undiluted. Media always has to be boiled down to fit an allotted time frame which has to amount to clips, snippets, trailers and blurbs. A book is its own thing and is timeless if it must be. People can take their time and savor it. They can put it down and come back to it later. However long "later" happens to be. It took me 3 years to read The Celestine Prophesy. I would buy it and give it away, then buy it and give it away. Once I saw the movie, I was hooked. I had to read every book in the series and did so in one weekend. The Celestine Prophesy changed everything for me particularly about how creative ideas and stories can unwittingly become lessons for humanity that also changes lives. A story can be fun and funny and also esoteric and complicated. It can be exciting and riveting and also compel important questions and conversations. So with that said, I think adding fiction to my current media repertoire is the perfect compliment to my career as a whole. A) Because it's in me to do. and B) Because people embrace ideas in all different ways right? Books live in their own time continuum. 

5. How long did it take to write this book?

I wrote the first draft in a month or two. It took 7 years to rewrite, revise, revision, reshape and uplevel the story to what it is now. What I mean by 7 years is 2 or 3 years tucked away and then I'd pull it out and add or delete something. Then pull it out again 2 or 3 years later and add or delete something. The Stellar Trilogy has had too many drafts to count. I didn't have the missing pieces to the story's puzzle until around May (of 2013). That's why it took 7 years to publish.

6. Tell me about the language, customs, and culture of these characters.

Kai is a Sialovehal (A Seed) from TuStai. Her people are called The Stai (Star People) and speak Tuahstai (Tongue of Stars). Kai thinks she's human, of course, having been raised by her surrogate humans on Earth--which is an interesting dynamic. The Stai people are highly evolved beings who live in higher realms. Their role in the story ( from what we know) is to initiate a working and self sustaining evolutionary process for humans called The Entwine of Mirth (The Joining of Joy)--to help expedite humans to their fullest potential so they don't destroy themselves and Earth. The Stai sent missionaries to help initiate The Entwine. It's a painfully long process and isn't something The Stai take lightly. Something went horribly wrong however. Kai's father was one of the missionaries originally sent to Earth, but he went bat sh*t crazy and it's Kai's job to return him home or The Entwine will never be balanced, Kai's mom can't return home AND the Earth will be destroyed. We don't learn a lot about The Stai in Book 1, but we do get the impression they are mighty important in the scheme of things in the big, big, mighty big universe. 

I think the development of Tuahstai for Book 1 grounds the story in the "otherness" that lurks in every scene.  It's a phonetic language like Polynesian languages. Every syllable is pronounced.   Tuahstai is spoken in pockets throughout the book in an effort to help Kai remember her mission--which is to return her father home. It's way more complicated than that, of course, based on who her dad turns out to be. I have a feeling Kai learns a lot more about The Stai and her home planet/higher realms in Book 2, but I can't be sure yet. I won't know until I finish writing it!

7. How did you come up with the star image?  What does it represent?

Like most things in this book, I didn't come up with it, it found me. From what I understand, The 5 point star is a piece of a larger whole of the symbol that represents The Stai. There's also a circle in that mix and another symbol, yet undisclosed. The star is the most prevalent in Book 1, so we'll stick with that. My theory--and this is just a theory at this point-- is that it has something to do with Sacred Geometry. A 5 point star gives off the same vibe as Leonard Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man. Perfect proportions? Balance? The head is always aligned with higher realms than the body? I don't have that answer yet. I'll let you know when I find out! I do know that all of the original Star People wear their stars in the middle of their forehead as their birthright. It does serve a purpose, but you have to read the book to find out what that is. 

8. How much of the story/themes/experiences are grounded in our real world, and written as conscious metaphors?  What lessons can our world learn from that world?  

Book 1 of The Stellar Trilogy is truly a set up for what's unfolding in Book 2. Book 1 is called Among Us, so for Kai it's about self discovery and walking through the veil of her perceived reality. Which is something we're all called to do at some point in our lives. Book 2 is called Awake. So.

The story is contemporary in that it takes slices of "real life" and folds it into the mix of a more metaphysical idea of the themes and things we've all read about or heard of at some point in our lives. But nothing is what it seems. Nothing is as we think it's supposed to be. I do think there are conscious metaphors steeped into the storyline too. But esoteric concepts are a personal discovery piece. It's going to resonate differently for everybody. Which I think is the coolest part of how the story unfolds. 

The world that happens to be Kai's life is not so different from the world we live in now. It feels like a quirky dream for some and a blatant nightmare for others. I think The Stellar Trilogy tests the boundaries of what we believe reality to be and how we may or may not shape the lives we live. How much power do we really have in shaping our world? Is my life experience nature or nurture? What if what I think the world is--is utterly false? Then what? In order to stay the same, you have to deny reality.  But then you have to ask, well... what is reality? That's Kai conundrum throughout the book. I guess the funny part is, as deep as it sounds, it's really not that deep. It's as simple as asking: Am I the master of my reality or is my reality the master of me? Whatever way you answer, you'll be right. That's no metaphor, that's an everyday conundrum we all face. It's Kindof cool to see Kai's process as she faces all the crazy crap she experiences throughout the story.

9.  Where can readers get the book and how can they best help you spread the word?  

Right now The Stellar Trilogy is available on Amazon via paperback and Kindle. Kindle of course, has a free app for all smart phones and tablets. In a few weeks The Stellar Trilogy will be available at every major online retailer and for every e-book reader.

How can you spread the word?! Social Media!!! My Instagram is @EnvyousLife. When you get the book, share your pic with me on Instagram! Share where you are as you're reading it. At the beach? Bus? Train? In bed with your pet mouse? In the backseat of the longest road trip ever? Use the hash tag #TheStellarTrilogy. I always repost, retweet and fave. I'm also selecting random peeps who post their #TheStellarTrilogy pics this summer to receive really cool gifts bags via some really, really, really cool brands. I haven't announced yet, but those details are coming soon. Share for the love, but also know, sharing is a win/win.

Also, if you've read the book and love it, share a review on amazon.com. I've had about a zillion FB, twitter, text and phone conversation reviews so far about how much folk love The Stellar Trilogy! The feedback has been humbling and amazing! For example, this woman inboxed me on FB to say she believes The Stellar Trilogy is the Celestine Prophecy for our generation. How awesome of an amazon review would that have been right? So if you love it, tell other readers why so they can jump in, read it and love it too! Social media and word of mouth is running this party, and for that I am humbled beyond words. Thank you abundantly!

10.  What’s next????  

I'm presently working on The Stellar Trilogy: Book 2, Awake. Everyone who has read Book 1 has said out loud that it's designed to be a movie, so... I'm actively circulating Book 1 around to film production houses to manifest The Stellar Trilogy Movie 1 (of 3) into production sooner, rather than later. Why not, right? Also, my home base is envymckee.com, so all the news you can use is allllll there!

***
I highly recommend Among Us to book lovers who want to delve into a dynamic, entertaining, and intellectually-challenging read.  Feel free to stay in touch with Envy on Twitter @QueenEnvy.  

I'm more excited to write this morning than usual because I just received my first one-star review for South of Normal.  Yes, I do mean I'm excited in a good way, and no, "one-star," is not a typo.  Let me explain why, and offer how one-star reviews are actually nothing to stress about as an author.

I checked into my Amazon.com page this morning and saw a new review had been posted.  That’s usually a good thing, but this reader gave the book one star.    

The review was titled "horrible on EVERY level," and went on to describe me as "meaningless, a loser, whining, miserable, no wonder your life sucks, addicted to stupidity," and went on to characterize me as a "meatball" and say “if typing ‘Dear Diary, today I washed my underwear’ is what makes one a writer....you are qualified."  

I typed in “Thank you for your review,” and left it at that.  

Why could I so easily absorb that punch in the stomach?  I wrote about this same topic earlier in an article posted on the Authority Publishing blog so I apologize for any redundancy, but I thought this was important enough to reexplore.  I think this new conversation can help a lot of new authors who are still growing their thick skin.  

A bad review just means you successfully identified someone who is NOT in your target market.  It doesn’t mean your book is bad (just like a five-star review doesn’t mean it’s good,) just that someone REALLY disliked it. Some people love Shakespeare, some love I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell.  Some people love the movie The Notebook, some the Hangover. 

No one is going to love everything – that’s impossible (and would make the world damn boring.)  That’s not your goal.  If you try to please everyone you will be miserable.  So your job as an author (other than writing the best, most honest book you can) is to find your specific target market and share your work with them as much as possible.  

A lot of this advice applies to all artists, not just writers, but singers, actors, inventors, or anyone who is trying to do something different and creative in this world.  Hopefully these thoughts put things in perspective so you won't be stunned by a bad review, just motivated to shine on!  

10 reasons why authors should love one-star reviews:

1. They are right.
I know what you might be thinking: “Say what?  No way!  My work is better than that, they don’t know what they’re talking about, I’m right and they are wrong!”

A review is 100% THEIR forum to express whatever opinion they wish, it belongs wholly to the reader.  You, the author, had 250 pages to express your view of the world, so now they get to cram their whole existence into 200 words, reflected off your work, so they are never wrong.  Their opinion might be short-sighted, emotional, incomplete, or a little unfair, but that’s cool.  It’s their time to talk, so I just need to shut the hell up and respect that. 

2. They may be too close.
When you are a new nonfiction writer and your book hasn’t spread to that 2nd and 3rd level of awareness among people you don’t know, some of your initial reviews will be from people in the book (and don’t like their portrayal,) someone who has a bee in their bonnet about the subject matter, someone who thinks they can do it better/are smarter, someone who is off their meds, someone who hasn’t read the whole book (as clearly, this reviewer didn’t get past the second chapter) or a competing writer trying to slam your book to promote their own.  They are way too close to the whole thing for you to consider their words impartial.   

3. There are a lot of angry people out there.  
Sadly, the internet has become a cesspool of angry and desperate people expressing their darkest thoughts, hiding behind the mask of anonymity.  When someone feels sad, alone, angry, or fearful, they lash out any way they can, and that is often with homophobic, racist, or hateful comments on the internet.  They still probably didn’t like your book, but the hurtful, attacking review probably had more to do with their life than it did your book.  Let's just give them a hug, not take it personal. 

4. At least you’re not boring.
Give me one-star reviews all day long, but just PLEASE don’t give me a two or three-star review – that’s just blahhhhhh.  I said as much in the introduction to South of Normal, that my goal with the book was to make people think a little bit and feel something.  A one-star review just shows that the book stirred their passion and challenged their belief system, but at least it wasn’t viewed as boring – the ultimate sin. 

5. Crazy loses credibility.
The more crazed and aggressive the reviewer sounds, the more they lose credibility with anyone who may be reading it. Their own words will expose them for who they are, not who YOU are.  When responding to a bad review, ALWAYS be nice, polite, and respectful.  NEVER debate them.  Agree with them, thank them, and have fun with it.  

6. Understand statistical outliers.
Whenever you open up something to mass opinion, their will be outliers, people who go way off the deep end, in either direction. For instance, South of Normal now has 28 5-star reviews (to be fair, a lot from friends, but a significant portion from people who I don’t know at all) and a single 1-star review.  That will speak for itself.  I’m not saying this to defend the book or claim it’s something special, but to show that their will be outliers no matter what statistic or ranking you’re looking at, and the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle.

7. It’s not going to affect sales either way.
You won’t lose significant sales with a one-star review, nor will people throw money at you because you have a few good reviews.  Selling books is about finding your target market, those who want or need your content, and then consistently (but tastefully) introducing the subject matter to them so you may share an experience, and build loyalty.  So one little blip on the radar isn’t going to sabatoge that process.  In fact, you might even attract a few new readers based on the bad review.  My friend Chris said it best when I shared this review on Facebook: “I’d buy the book just based on their bad one-star review!”  

8. Everyone gets bad reviews.
This is amazing, but even the great authors classic authors received one-star and negative reviews.  I did a quick search on Amazon and Romeo and Juliet has 22 1-star reviews out of 267 total, or an astounding 8.2%!  The Catcher in the Rye (one of my all time favorites,) 344 out of 3,341, or about 10%!  How about the mega-selling 50 Shades of Gray?  It has over 27% one-star reviews!  

9. You’re nobody until somebody hates you.
A long time ago I gave some advice to my dear friend ML, who puts herself “out there” tirelessly to help others become happier and healthier.  One time it backfired and she received some hurtful comments from someone, and came to me, upset.  I gave her the advice “Congrats.  You know you’re breaking through and doing your job well when you start getting haters.” 

10. Who cares?  
I mean, really…does it matter?  Of course it hurts, it stings, it sucks, but will it change anything?  No.  They can not ruin the experience for you – only YOU can ruin the experience for you, so don’t allow that to happen.  When you zoom out to a year from now, or even a month from now, you probably won’t even remember the incident, or just laugh at it, so who gives a shit? Focus on the good things you are doing and the wonderful people who have given you good, honest (though no always perfect) feedback. 

Negativity goes BOOM! but  quickly fades, while positivity echoes forever.

***

Thanks for your time, your reviews, and have an amazing day!

Norm  :-)

I got the news from my sister: Jason Sheftell had been found dead in his New York apartment. She didn’t have any more details. What?  How could that be? I pulled my car over to the shoulder, on a country road in the middle of deep woods, on vacation in rural Maine. I didn’t understand. I went over her words again. He was dead? What did that mean? No one could talk to him again? He was gone? I realized I wasn’t thinking right. 

I collected myself and started the car, noticing that I was still half-jutting into the road, fortunate another motorist hadn’t tail ended me.

Jason Sheftell. I wondered what happened. He was so damn young – and now his life was over? I’m almost his age – just 5 years younger. He could have been my big brother. Hell, in some ways it felt like he was. We had just talked to each other…when had it been?

It’s not that we were very close, great friends who saw each other frequently. In fact, I hadn’t seen him for more than a decade, since I worked with him as an intern at Yankelovich Partners, no, after that, at my sister’s wedding when he tore up the bar and charmed all the bridesmaids. But Sheff was always someone I liked and respected, a smart guy with a realist’s zest for life but the warped sense of humor to enjoy it all. Glasses and a smile under shocks of genius hair. I remembered he yelled at me once because the Chinese food I brought into the office for lunch stunk to high heaven, so he made me take it into another room. Hahaha Sheff! I was young and broke, so he gave me extra work organizing his apartment. I marveled at all of his books, running my hands over their spines, removing some and fanning through the pages. How could one person read all of these words?      

It wasn’t until last year, a decade later, that we became reacquainted. I had just penned my first book and was told to seek out quotes or reviews from influential people. He, successful writer, former magazine penman at Playboy, Cosmo, Esquire, and Maxim, among others, and now, real estate columnist for the New York Daily News, was so high up on a literary pedestal to me that I had trouble gathering the stones to approach him. But he was one of the only professional writers I knew – or the only one who wouldn’t “big time” me. 

We got in touch through Facebook and caught up. He’d had a tough couple years because of some family stuff, but “Things were pretty darn good now. Life is good,” he said. He asked what was new with me, and I shared that I was living in Costa Rica, writing, having sold all of my possessions and left the U.S. to chase that dream. His interest in my humble project was genuine, and more appreciated than he’ll ever know:

“Norm – What’s your book about? I hope it's fiction. First one? Very exciting. Agents, book industry, all really fun. Bottom line I feel is that good writing will always have a place in this word. McCluhan was right. Not the medium--the message. Not the time you write, what you write about. What did faulkner say in his nobel acceptance speech? Affairs of the heart. Missiles whizzing all around him bc of the cold war, and he's writing about the death of an old southern gothic family. I love absalom absalom. I love you're in Costa Rica finishing your book. Right now, what you’re looking at and hearing, must be pretty extraordinary. Make it count, every single word.”

His words of encouragement were golden, jumping off the page, but some parts I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, though sensed I should. Who was this McCluhan person? Missles were flying? At who? I mean…at whom? And absalom absalom? Was that a real thing, or a typo? I went out and found a used copy before someone could accuse me of not being a real writer, like Jason. He was right – it was incredible.

When my own book was done I’d returned to the states to promote it (or attempt to). He offered to read it and even write a blurb (which was pure charity, believe me). 

Upon reading the first couple of chapters he sent me an email late one night, a scrap of affirmation to a hungry neophyte that tasted better than any 5-course meal I’ve ever had. He said, simply:

“It’s good. It’s funny. It’s human.”

I’ll take it. 

He read the rest, liked it, and wrote a way-too-generous blurb. But I never ended up using it – it got prickly when it came time to put his words on the book cover because he couldn’t be quoted in an official capacity as a Daily News reviewer, just a friend who happened to work there. So I shelved his blurb and with that bit of awkwardness behind us, we settled in to a pleasant correspondence as two writers, and friends.

He shared thoughts on his job as a real estate journalist, which he loved:

“Being a columnist is cool. Very adult. They allow me to be an artist by going and finding neighborhoods to write about. It's like travel writing...you take a subway somewhere you have never been or seen before, and you let your feet and eyes do the work. It's not a job, it's pure bliss.”

Pure bliss. 

I shared with him my version of pure bliss: dropping out of society, absconding from my material possessions, and instead traveling the world, exploring this grand play called “life” and and telling people's stories along the way.

He said:

“Ok, i knew i liked you when i met you, i knew we were kindred, but this calls for congratulations to you--dropping out, your own path, not easy. huge pat on the back. I'm here for u whenever you want. when you met me, i was heading there, and i went full force and sticking with it made me who i am inside and out. i still hurt bc of it. not married, dating amazing people, writing is my religion, literature is my philosophy.”

Wow. So that’s how you do it - you become it. I couldn’t learn that in any book.

We exchanged notes on words and bliss like that, on and off, for the next year.  He told me about his time in France, reading Blazac, Camus, Henry Miller, flirting with absinthe and beauty. He revealed his secret to writing well - which was to have no secret at all, just douse yourself in life and set it alight and dance until you’ve gone mad and then commit it all to the page:

“I've never taking a writing class in my life. It’s just storytelling and craft. I've just read fiction all my life no matter where I've been.”

His advice helped, for until then I was a boat with tattered sails, no compass or direction. But more than all that, he was just a nice guy. Cool. Nothing to gain from little ol’ me, yet he took the time to be a big brother in writing. He said we definitely needed to get a beer when I was in New York next. I agreed. 

“It's a pleasure to be back in touch with you, an honor to know you then and now. Call on me and when you like. Let's enjoy these times and communications.”

I did enjoy them, treasured them, even. I told him he was appreciated and how much his guidance meant to me. For that, I have no regrets.

Then we didn’t talk much for almost a year, but it was one of those things where it’s enough just knowing the other one is there. I’d moved to Nicaragua, sequestered in a local barrio, by the sea, with my laptop and a stray dog. Over those months I worked my butt off to improve, to learn our craft. I wanted to make him proud. 

My second book came out this April and I sent him a copy, this time just as a friend. He emailed back a few weeks later:  

“Thx Sir. U keep writing. U v good.”

And that’s the last I heard from him.

I pulled the car back onto the road, tires spitting sand. The smell of pines sweetened the air, sunlight fighting to filter through, still thawing the spring even in June, warming the great north in a hot blooming rush toward blueberry season, and then, inevitably, fading into another long, gray winter. 

I glanced in the rear view mirror, half expecting to see his smile, his glasses, that genius hair, but I was all alone. 

Rest in peace, Jason, and thanks again. You’re all heart, bro. You made your life count, every single word of it. 

-Norm

***  

A few years ago, when I started down this path, I wanted to be a WRITER. It all seemed glamorous – living in the tropics and banging out a best selling novel in between rum drinking contests, bull fights, and answering fan mail from exotic female admirers.  

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Not even a little bit.  

It’s been three years after I hit the reset button on my life, walking away from my comfortable existence as a businessman in California. I sold or donated all of my possessions and moving down to Costa Rica to live by the beach, bringing nothing but a laptop and a surfboard, to chase my dream of being a writer. 

Now, two books and thousands of written pages later, the secret to success has been magically revealed to me:

Hard work.

I know, not as exciting as I hoped for, but there it is. Scratching out a living penning words isn’t as much about being a WRITER, as it is about WRITING. Author Mary Heaton said it best:

“The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.”

In fact, most great writers have dedicated everything they had to the craft – and then more. They chose a life of self-imposed poverty, isolated hard work, and even ostracism from “polite” society to pursue their passion (though I believe polite society is overrated). It’s about putting in their 10,000 hours, as Macklemore raps, and then some, because they love their art so much they can’t NOT write.  

The collateral damage includes comfort, safety, material gain, friendships, relationships, and even sanity.

“There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.” Ernest Hemingway.

Even though it was my lifelong dream to be a WRITER, all of that hard work didn’t sound so fun to me. Couldn’t I just skip ahead to the good parts? Still, I devised a three-year plan to lead me to the promise land of literary greatness and financial gain. Here it is: 

My Three-Year plan:

1. 1. Do it.
2. 2. Do it well.
3. 3. Do it over and over, and monetize it.

Granted, that may be the exact business plan of every hooker in Reno, but I’d like to think that my plan was (slightly) more socially ambitious, and by the end of my third year I would have “made it,” breaking into the industry and earning a comfortable living as a writer. Let me explain.

The first year I wanted to write and publish a book. It would be ideal to write the BEST book I could, but just writing one and going through the indie publishing process was overwhelming enough, without worrying about pesky little details, like KNOWING WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING. I got started in my new beachside home, Tamarindo, Costa Rica, in the heart of the rainy season when the dirt roads were a muddy mess. By the middle of the dry season, in the arid heat and the dust, the book was done. 

“Write without pay until somebody offers pay; if nobody offers within three years, sawing wood is what you were intended for.” Mark Twain.

Writing that first book was an exhausting, scrambling process, about as far from my comfort zone as I’ve ever been. At times I didn’t think I was going to make it, or make it out of there in once piece. It was committing my soul to the page only to be trampled, documenting my ridiculous humanity for all the world to laugh at. I rushed at the wrong times, lost steam when I needed it most, and generally made every mistake I could. But, from some small miracle, the book still came out entertaining enough to pick up. 

“Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.” George Orwell.

The second year of my three-year plan was ‘doing it well.’ I actually had two choices here. Upon releasing their first book, most authors focus on selling books. They become expert marketers, and that is where they focus all of their attention. I totally understand that inclination, but standing at that crossroads, I chose a different path. I would focus on learning my craft. Sales be damned, I was going to invest all of my work and focus into becoming the best writer I could be. 

“To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.”
Allen Ginsberg.

I eschewed any chance of profit with the first book and instead moved up the coast from Costa Rica, to the charming fishing town of San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua to write. I sequestered myself in a cheap apartment in a local barrio, dirt alleys in the jungle living in the midst of stray dogs and roosters and the local people who made $2 a day. I was scared at first, in a third world country where some people were desperate just to eat, and many a night I slept beside a machete or carried a knife in my backpack. 

“How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.” Henry David Thoreau.

But I always made it to the dawn, and thanked God for it, sitting down at my desk to document that gratitude with vigor. The locals in my barrio sang as they hung laundry, the smoke from the cooking fires in their front yards rising to my windows on the ocean breeze. It was perfect.

“Talent in cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” Stephen King.

I did two things for those six months: I read, and I wrote. I read everything I could find ABOUT writing; character development, theme, conflict, dialogue, emotion, etc. There was no place to buy books, so I Googled these topics and read every article I could find, and then when I’d exhausted those someone brought me down a Kindle, so I could download books about writing. Pretty soon I’d read all of those, so I started reading biographies of writers.

Do you know what the common theme was? Hard work. Writers write a lot, and when they aren’t writing they read a lot, and that’s how they get better.

“If you can’t create, you can work.” Henry Miller.

So I wrote, too. Every morning I woke up at dawn (Ok, I woke up at 2 a.m. when the roosters and stray dogs started in, but I went back to sleep) and brewed some locally-grown coffee, splashed it with Baileys, and sat down at my desk, just about the time a clunky pickup truck rolled through the barrio, selling freshly-picked mangos and bananas.

“I write when I’m inspired, and I see to it that I’m inspired to write at 9 o’clock every morning.” Peter De Vries.

I put on my headphones and cranked some dancehall reggae or Michael Franti or Citizen Cope, and I wrote. It didn’t matter WHAT I wrote, I just unleashed whatever was in my subconscious without letting my mind get in the way. My fingers flew around with a life of their own, blurring with the speed of a DJ spinning records. 

“Through joy and through sorrow, I wrote. Through hunger and through thirst, I wrote. Through good report and through ill report, I wrote. Through sunshine and through moonshine, I wrote. What I wrote it is unnecessary to say.” Edgar A. Poe.

One day I rescued a skinny, whipped four-week old puppy off the street. At first he was too small to walk far, so I carried him everywhere. He was black and white so I named him Panda, and I fed him milk and put him on a towel on my desk as I wrote. I said hi to the locals as I walked through my barrio into town, and the little kids abandoned their soccer ball and ran out to play with Panda. 

“You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.”  Saul Bellow.

And then on August 1, the walls of my house in the barrio shook side to side and dishes fell as a huge earthquake rocked the town. Church bells tolled for everyone to evacuate because of an imminent tsunami, but to me it was a signal to start the first chapter. So I wrote. Three months later, when the school kids were lighting fireworks in the streets for Dia de Indepencia, my manuscript for South of Normal, was done, 1,000 pages of sunshine and snake pits.

But there was no time to pat myself on the back, because that’s when the REAL work began – rewriting and editing. So I put my head down and got busy, once again.

“The way you define yourself as a writer is that you write every time you have a free minute. If you didn't behave that way you would never do anything.” John Irving.

Soon, everyone in town knew me, and Panda was so big and strong he was pulling ME when we strolled the cobbled streets. The abuelitas, grandmothers, in their rocking chairs on the front porch waved to me and wished me God’s blessing, and all of the little kids begged to take Panda to the beach. 

“Como esta su libro?” they would ask - how is your book? - for word got out that I was a writer. 

My last week before leaving Nicaragua our little town was infested with rich vacationers from Managua. The parties and fireworks went off all night, every night, but I had work to do. So I took Panda to the ferry and cruised over to Ometepe, cajoining islands in the middle of Lake Nicaragua, one of the only places on earth with fresh water sharks. Each island had an active volcano rising steeply from its center, and the beaches were jet black volcanic sand like crushed moonstone. Panda ran and played and I kept working.  

It was there in Ometepe that I understood the wisdom that all of those great writers were whispering to me; to write well you need to go through a process of failure, of discomfort, of displacement from the normal human condition. You need thrust yourself into a volcano, sacrificing your ego, so you can become connected to everyone and everything. Only through this ultimate surrender will you truly be able to write something important, and serve the world.  

“So you want to be a writer? Unless is comes out of your soul like a rocket, unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder, don’t do it.  Unless the sun inside you is burning you’re gut, don’t do it.” Charles Bukowski.  

My last night in town I threw a big party for the wonderful people in my barrio as a thank you, a pig roast at the very top of the hill by the town’s water tank. All of the mothers cooked and the children gave me gifts. The power went out so the DJ couldn’t play and it was dark, but we took out flashlights and someone turned on their car stereo. And then it started pouring rain but we didn’t care – we danced and hugged each other and celebrated life. 

“Suertes,” they said - good luck, and I finally realized - those people, the same one's I feared at first, had been keeping ME safe the whole time, watching out for me. I handed the children Panda’s leash and he wagged. He was a San Juan del Sur dog, and would be happiest running on the beach with them.

In some ways I think that was the best part of my life, because down there I left behind the romance of being a WRITER, and instead, fell in love with WRITING itself.  

I’m happy with the choice I made, to focus mastering my craft instead of becoming a pesky promoter interested only in sales. And I am happy with my book, South of Normal, because, although flawed and deeply imperfect, it is honest, and I gave it everything I had.

“Any man who keeps working is not a failure. He may not be a great writer, but if he applies the old-fashioned virtues of hard, constant labor, he’ll eventually make some kind of career for himself as writer.”
Ray Bradbury.

Now, on the eve of its release, I shift into part three of that supremely important three-year plan: to do it over and over, and monetize it.

This is it, my chance to cash in, to re-enter polite society. I know how to do it - I’ve paid attention to all of the books and articles and blogs and podcasts about promoting yourself, getting attention, landing an agent, and making money. It would be easy for me to invest my precious time here on earth into selling books.

But I just can’t bring myself to do it. It’s not in me. In that respect, I guess I’ve failed at my three-year plan, because I could care less about being a WRITER. I just want to write. 

So, if it’s okay with you, I think I’ll change my three-year plan. I think I’ll just relive my second year over and over, stuffing a backpack, heading to the airport, and disappearing once again into that big, wild unknown. I’m thinking that Thailand, Vietnam, or Cambodia sound good, where I’ll look for that tiny little hut on a secluded beach amidst the smiling locals. And in that perfect soulful silence of barking dogs, clacking roosters and the throng of humanity, I will write. And every morning I will stare out at the sea and say “Thank you, thank you. For this beautiful failure, thank you,” and then I’ll sit my ass down and get to work.

-Norm :-)

“How often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.” William Faulkner.
 Tamarindo, Costa Rica, surf, ski, snowboard, diving, pura vida, Central America, Nicaragua, San Juan del Sur, Amazon best seller, travel, adventure, backpack, hiking, sharks, Endless Summer, Robert August, memoir, fitness journey, globetrotting, perfect beach, paradise, spring break, expat, live abroad, work abroad, summer reading, around the world, great read, humor, laugh out loud, South of Normal, Pushups in the Prayer Room

Talent is overrated.  There, I said it.  As a writer, it’s healthy to lose that image of yourself as a special prodigy who can summon other-worldly prose from the ether.  Instead, think of yourself a blacksmith.  You grab those words hot out of the fire and pin them to your work station, hammering mercilessly with all of the sweat and muscle you can muster, so you might just forge them into something useful.  

How important is rewriting?  Neil Simon, maybe the most prolific American playwright and screenwriter, penned over 60 successful works in his career, winning him more Tony and Oscar nominations than any other writer.  In 1998 he released a memoir of his life and career.  What do you think he called it?  Rewrites. 

To be a good writer, you’ll have to edit with ruthless abandon.  Put your words into the coliseum and let them fight it out to see who is victorious.  They are the gladiators and the lions - let them wrestle in the dust for survival.  You’ve done so much already by giving them a life on the page, but that’s your only responsibility; from there they need to exist on their own merit.  

Here are 5 more tips to rewrite well:

11. The 10% Rule.

I learned from Stephen King, in his awesome book, On Writing, (a must read) that my goal is to clip 10% of my content every time I go through it.  Wait, does that mean if I went through 10 times there would be nothing left?  Obviously I’m a writer, not a math major.  


12. Reread with an agenda in mind.

Every time I proofread I have an agenda in mind.  One time it’s to focus on dialogue, the next time on characters, then action, etc.  Of course you catch other things along the way, but it’s a little overwhelming trying to polish the whole manuscript at once without a specific focus.


13. No humor is better than mediocre humor.  

86% of the population thinks they are funny, but only 127 people actually are.  There’s really no such thing as “mediocre humor” – it’s an oxymoron.  It’s either funny, or it’s not.  Likewise, if you are funny, you can study and work your ass off to create funny writing, but if you are not funny, none of that will help. Reading badly written humor leaves a taste in your mouth like chewing on a towel at a public pool, so understand your strengths and weaknesses.


14. Pay attention to the passive vs. the active voice.

Strong writing is written in the active voice, no matter what tense you are using.  You’ll slip with a lot of these, but catch them as you proofread. 

I was going to the store to meet her. (passive)

I went to the store to meet her.  (active)


15. Show, don’t tell. 

This is the Holy Grail of writing advice, which you’ll hear so many times from ‘experienced’ writers, as they look down their long, aquiline noses at you and apply hand sanitizer liberally after shaking.  I’ve had plenty of people tell me to “show, don’t tell,” but almost no one ever told me HOW to do that, because, of course, they don’t know either.  

It’s simple – follow this checklist when you have something you want to convey to the reader, in order of effectiveness.

First: Can I reveal it in Dialogue?

Second: Can I reveal it by showing the character doing something?  With Action, that would show well in a movie?

Last Resort: I, the writer, tell the reader in my Narrative voice.  

So… if I’m trying to say that a female character is sad because her boyfriend broke up with her, I can do it these three ways:

Narrative: She was sad that he broke up with her.  (sucks)

Action:  She saw a couple walking into the movie theater holding hands, and looked down at the ground.  (not bad!)

Dialogue:  “Sundays mornings are always the hardest,” she said.  (sniff sniff, I’m reaching for Kleenex)


Does that help?  I hope so.  What other rewriting advice do I have for you?  

Have fun.  Knowing that you’ll polish everything later frees you up to let go and write from your subconscious, not your rigid, outcome-obsessed brain.  Let it fly.  Get in the zone.  Write through the crap, because it takes sorting through a lot of coal to get to a diamond.

And take notes.  Keep a Word document open as a “slush file” while you write.  Use it like a clipboard to store new ideas, a style sheet for names, sayings, dialogue quirks, what you’ve covered, outlines.  Also clip and paste everything that you take out, so you might be able to use it somewhere else later on.  You’ll be amazed what comes out of that slush file – including ideas for later projects, like maybe a book about rewriting?  Hmmmm….

You won’t feel so bad about putting your words in the arena to get slaughtered if you know they might live to fight another day.  

Drop me a line some time to share your writing tips and experiences with the pen and the page:  [email protected]

Read Part 1 of this blog.