There’s no doubt about it – tourists take LOTS of photos. But what if I told you there are only 45 essential photos you need to take on your next vacation. Not 44, not 46, but 45, exactly.
You see, I’m on the other end of it – I’ve been lucky enough to live abroad in places like Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Ecuador, Vietnam, Thailand, the Philippines, etc. so I get to witness those 5,427 photos being snapped every day (per tourist.) So I promise you; just go down this list, checking off each photo, and you’ll save yourself countless hours fumbling. Remember - you only have 8,880 minutes (7 days) for your whole vacation, so every minute not spent behind the lens of a camera is a minute actually enjoying it.
Help me find an example of each of these photos. If you have one from your last vacation or catch another tourist taking any of these, email them to me. I promise we’ll be laughing at you, not with you.
Here are your 45 essential vacation photos. (Most are self explanatory, while I added a little description to some.)
- Jumping in the air at sunset.
- The view out your airport window.
- On any rock formation that touches water.
- Leaning against a palm tree.
- In a hammock.
- The “pose no pose” (trying to look casual for the camera while pretending you don’t know it’s even there)
- Standing in or sitting beside the hotel fountain.
- Your breakfast burrito.
- A poor local child. (Note: ask if you can take a photo first, and give them some money.)
- Sitting down in shallow water.
- Your seafood dinner by candlelight.
- Your bartender, as long as he/she works at a Tikki bar and he/she has either dreadlocks and/or a tattoo of a shark.
- Your bad Henna tattoo of a shark.
- Getting your hair braided.
- Making a heart circle with your arms on the beach.
- Splashing water with your foot at sunset.
- Writing your name in the sand.
- An embarassing photo of you parasailing with a Level 5 cameltoe caused by the harness.
- Any waterfall.
- A coconut, probably with a straw coming out of it.
- You wearing a fedora.
- You and your snookums wearing matching white linen at dinner.
- Your legs up on a beach chair with a view of your pedicure and the ocean/pool behind it.
- A photo of you and your snookums bare feet on the beach.
- The guy who sold you overpriced oregano that you thought was weed and told you he was a Rasta.
- A parrot.
- The lifeguard stand.
- Wearing a Hawaiian shirt even thought you’re in the Caribbean.
- In front of anything that has a likeness of Bob Marley or Rasta colors.
- Any drinking establishment located within 27 feet of the beach.
- Any bicycle painted in a bright color.
- Selfies in all of the above locations.
- A photo of your significant other taking selfies.
- A photo of your significant other taking a photo of you.
- A photo with a much more attractive couple.
- Your mugshot when you get arrested for making bad choices after 17 margaritas.
- Any reptile, whether it’s a crocodile, lizard, or the frog in the toilet.
- Sticking out your tongue or some other random sexual gesture to a statue.
- A yoga pose on the beach.
- The Titanic “I’m king of the world,” pose.
- Endless Bummer. (Based on the surf classic, Endless Summer, you rent a board and do nothing but stand around that take pictures of it all day.)
- A wine glass or beer with the sunset behind it.
- Your handstand on the beach.
Did I get them all? Email me if I missed any essential vacation photos!